*sigh*
For some reason I'm having a really rough day today. I'mjust emotionally drained and sad and depressed and I dont like it. I'm in California and its the Fourth of the Lie and all these people are down by the beach and I wanna go but I mean what would I do? I mean I know I'm in California and I dont know anybody here, but I'm having like a ridiculous "I dont have any friends, I am alone and people dont really care about me" day. And its uber intense too. I hate when I get like this. And all the fucking bitches down here have like these amazing bodies and it just makes me that much more aware of my NOT amazing body. And then I start to think "with all these hot chicks in teh world, what guy is ever gonna love me?" and I know thats so retarded... but I dunno. Ive been OK with the whole not having a boyfriend thing latly... but for some reason today, I'm not OK with it. I miss being in love and I miss having someone love me and I hate not having that. I miss missing someone, I miss getting excited to hear someones voice. I miss it all. Intensely. This is a big reason I hate myself so much. I over think and freak out and all that not so good stuff. I just feel like everyone has their life and their friends and thier thing, and I just kinda come around every once in a while and then schwoop back out, no big deal, see you later, bye. I want someone to be sad when I leave. I want someone to think about me. I want someone to miss me. I hate when I get liek this. I really do.