I just want to get married
Why is it that since I am only 22, it is such a huge deal for me to want to get married? Why is it that most people I know freak out when I say I want kids by the time I'm 27? I mean I know that thats not what most people do anymore, but that doesn't mean I can't do it and still have a wonderful, great life. Is it seen as trashy to want to be a young mother? I mean, it's not like I want to go out and live in the trailer park, me and Cletus with Annah Lou and Timmy Tom. I want a wedding. I want to be in love. I want to have children with a man that I love. Why is it so wrong that that's what I want?
I'm not a dater. I'm a relationship-er. I mean all I do is think "well, is this the person I'm going to marry" "could I spend my forever and always with this person?" And to me, if the answer is no - or even I don't know, what's the point? Why be with someone when you know nothing is going to come out of it. Like with Hughie. I like him bunches. I even love him. Maybe not IN love, I dont know. But I definatly care about him a lot, and I like him in my life. He is very specail to me. But, he doesn't want marrage. He's 29 just about, and doesn't want to get married. Not now, maybe not ever. What's the point in waisting months, years even with someone if you know at the end of the road, you're going to want different things. And plus, he basically just acts like he wants me when I'm emotionally not into it. When I'm drained he fights for me, when I'm in it with him, he's not even there. He is too old to play these games and I'm too tired.
But, at the same time, I don't want to be alone. But is being alone better or worse than being in a realtionship you know has no future? I mean, we get along fine. We're alright together. But I feel like this is all it will ever be, and whats the point of that? But, am I asking too much for someone my age? I dont know. I dont what whats appropriate for me to want. I don't know whats appropriate for me a ask for or expect. I don't expect a ring on my finger anytime soon - from anyone. Bu tI want that love. I just want it.
I'm not a dater. I'm a relationship-er. I mean all I do is think "well, is this the person I'm going to marry" "could I spend my forever and always with this person?" And to me, if the answer is no - or even I don't know, what's the point? Why be with someone when you know nothing is going to come out of it. Like with Hughie. I like him bunches. I even love him. Maybe not IN love, I dont know. But I definatly care about him a lot, and I like him in my life. He is very specail to me. But, he doesn't want marrage. He's 29 just about, and doesn't want to get married. Not now, maybe not ever. What's the point in waisting months, years even with someone if you know at the end of the road, you're going to want different things. And plus, he basically just acts like he wants me when I'm emotionally not into it. When I'm drained he fights for me, when I'm in it with him, he's not even there. He is too old to play these games and I'm too tired.
But, at the same time, I don't want to be alone. But is being alone better or worse than being in a realtionship you know has no future? I mean, we get along fine. We're alright together. But I feel like this is all it will ever be, and whats the point of that? But, am I asking too much for someone my age? I dont know. I dont what whats appropriate for me to want. I don't know whats appropriate for me a ask for or expect. I don't expect a ring on my finger anytime soon - from anyone. Bu tI want that love. I just want it.