what now?
to begin i just want to put this out there for the few who will actually get it (my BFFs for sure will understand)..."the one" was wasted. Plain and simple.
Anyways the more I think about what I want to do for the rest of my life the more confused I get. When I think I have it all figured out and think I know for sure what I want to do...I go back to where I started. Today in history we had a guy come in a talk about the boys and buchewald. I got to thinking how I would LOVE to just take history classes for the next year, study history and research it for the rest of my life. Not necessarily teach it but give lectures every once and awhile. But then I think thats just a dream, there is no money in that, can I really make a living researching history?
Then again I love teaching, I love kids. There is SOME money in that...its more of an actual career. This is the path I am on right now. It would be smarter to follow it.
Then there is the Peace Core. i would love to go to Africa and help children with AIDS for 3 years. But can I really take off 3 years and then go into teaching. I don't think I can do that. I don't think I would still get a job after being out of the field for that long. Teaching is all about experience.
I am so confused. I love all the things I want to do, so I can't just choose what will make me most happy, because they all will. I know Im young and I can always teach for awhile then get my masters in history and study it. But I want to do it now while I am young...still be able to be in the college atmosphere. Also i want to do peace core while I am young. I have NO IDEA what to do. These decisions can change the course of my life completely.
Sometimes I just want to stop...not do a year of internship next year. Move to another college study history there (specially holocaust history). And become a scholar in the field. Specially with that field, you need to start now because a lot of the people who experienced it are starting to die. I want to interview people who actually experienced it. I want to travel interview these people. Then do that for a couple of years. Before I get a phD then do peace core. AHHHHH....
I want to be happy and IM glad I have these decisions to make. I have choices i can do whatever I want.
I wish I could fastforward and see each path and what I will be doing. But thats not possible. Gosh I always make these things way to long.
I just want to be happy in life and do something I love. I am afraid I will make the wrong decision and then just live it out because it is too expensive to change it. I dont really have the money for grad school or anything else.
ummm.........
Anyways the more I think about what I want to do for the rest of my life the more confused I get. When I think I have it all figured out and think I know for sure what I want to do...I go back to where I started. Today in history we had a guy come in a talk about the boys and buchewald. I got to thinking how I would LOVE to just take history classes for the next year, study history and research it for the rest of my life. Not necessarily teach it but give lectures every once and awhile. But then I think thats just a dream, there is no money in that, can I really make a living researching history?
Then again I love teaching, I love kids. There is SOME money in that...its more of an actual career. This is the path I am on right now. It would be smarter to follow it.
Then there is the Peace Core. i would love to go to Africa and help children with AIDS for 3 years. But can I really take off 3 years and then go into teaching. I don't think I can do that. I don't think I would still get a job after being out of the field for that long. Teaching is all about experience.
I am so confused. I love all the things I want to do, so I can't just choose what will make me most happy, because they all will. I know Im young and I can always teach for awhile then get my masters in history and study it. But I want to do it now while I am young...still be able to be in the college atmosphere. Also i want to do peace core while I am young. I have NO IDEA what to do. These decisions can change the course of my life completely.
Sometimes I just want to stop...not do a year of internship next year. Move to another college study history there (specially holocaust history). And become a scholar in the field. Specially with that field, you need to start now because a lot of the people who experienced it are starting to die. I want to interview people who actually experienced it. I want to travel interview these people. Then do that for a couple of years. Before I get a phD then do peace core. AHHHHH....
I want to be happy and IM glad I have these decisions to make. I have choices i can do whatever I want.
I wish I could fastforward and see each path and what I will be doing. But thats not possible. Gosh I always make these things way to long.
I just want to be happy in life and do something I love. I am afraid I will make the wrong decision and then just live it out because it is too expensive to change it. I dont really have the money for grad school or anything else.
ummm.........