(no subject)
I'm in a really bad place right now.
Broke up with Dave again last night, and I'm sitting an wondering if I did the right thing.
He needs more than I can give him, and I can't handle hurting him anymore.
I love him so much, but I don't think I can commit the rest of my life to him yet.
And I know that's what he wants.
But I'm only 19, and have so much to do.
I wish he wanted to be my friend, but I know that doesn't come easily.
Why is it that all my relationships end up with me fucking up people's heads?
I try so hard not to.
I'm kind of a fuck-up and I hurt people without meaning to.
I just need space sometimes.
But not too much space.
I'm going to be really lonely here in Riverknoll for a while.
My schedule is fucked up too.
It just seems like more and more, things are rolling downhill.
I'm already going to be here for an extra year, and haven't told my parents.
I wish I knew what I wanted.
So I could go get it.
Fuck.
Maybe I should transfer.
But I feel like that'd be running away.
RIT just makes things so difficult for anybody who wants to switch credits or programs.
It's kind of ridiculous.
So I'm clearing my head.
I'm taking a week and getting my life in order.
Maybe I'll know what to do then.
fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck.
Broke up with Dave again last night, and I'm sitting an wondering if I did the right thing.
He needs more than I can give him, and I can't handle hurting him anymore.
I love him so much, but I don't think I can commit the rest of my life to him yet.
And I know that's what he wants.
But I'm only 19, and have so much to do.
I wish he wanted to be my friend, but I know that doesn't come easily.
Why is it that all my relationships end up with me fucking up people's heads?
I try so hard not to.
I'm kind of a fuck-up and I hurt people without meaning to.
I just need space sometimes.
But not too much space.
I'm going to be really lonely here in Riverknoll for a while.
My schedule is fucked up too.
It just seems like more and more, things are rolling downhill.
I'm already going to be here for an extra year, and haven't told my parents.
I wish I knew what I wanted.
So I could go get it.
Fuck.
Maybe I should transfer.
But I feel like that'd be running away.
RIT just makes things so difficult for anybody who wants to switch credits or programs.
It's kind of ridiculous.
So I'm clearing my head.
I'm taking a week and getting my life in order.
Maybe I'll know what to do then.
fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck.