Very odd indeed.
I realize the irony of my having not posted for several days - and now I simply won't stop updating, but I am in an awkward mood, and I feel the need to type. Sometimes I cover the monitor and just type until I cannot anymore.
It's interesting to see what I write. I feel odd today, sort of...distracted, maybe even listless. I'm just not sure. I'm certainly not in a good disposition, but not necessarily in a bad one, either.
There have been a few humbling experiences in the last few weeks, and I haven't thought much of them, because I don't like to wallow. I'm just not emo. But, if you take the time to look back - reflect. Retrospect truly does have 20/20 vision. You just SEE, and don't have to analyze. Things were so simple, and everything's complicated now.
A few days ago, I lay on the bed with my youngest son, Marek, and I stretched my feet up as high as I could, lifting my back and all. He followed suit, and pretty soon, we were having a ball just pretending we were walking on the ceiling.
And it was simple. And I loved it.
Now, last night, I spent a good 15 hours working on my final thesis for the semester, in Sociology.
And it was complicated. And I hated it.
I love frivolties, you know. Little things that make my eyes worth having open. Seeing my 2 year old pretend he's a zombie, or my three year old's face light up when he realizes we have a new part for his train set.
Little things. Simple things.
I'm exhausted with complications. With planning and strategizing and driving myself positively batshit with details.
I want some sort of holiday where there ARE no details. Nothing that hurts and nothing to care about.
Pipe dreams, huh.
It's interesting to see what I write. I feel odd today, sort of...distracted, maybe even listless. I'm just not sure. I'm certainly not in a good disposition, but not necessarily in a bad one, either.
There have been a few humbling experiences in the last few weeks, and I haven't thought much of them, because I don't like to wallow. I'm just not emo. But, if you take the time to look back - reflect. Retrospect truly does have 20/20 vision. You just SEE, and don't have to analyze. Things were so simple, and everything's complicated now.
A few days ago, I lay on the bed with my youngest son, Marek, and I stretched my feet up as high as I could, lifting my back and all. He followed suit, and pretty soon, we were having a ball just pretending we were walking on the ceiling.
And it was simple. And I loved it.
Now, last night, I spent a good 15 hours working on my final thesis for the semester, in Sociology.
And it was complicated. And I hated it.
I love frivolties, you know. Little things that make my eyes worth having open. Seeing my 2 year old pretend he's a zombie, or my three year old's face light up when he realizes we have a new part for his train set.
Little things. Simple things.
I'm exhausted with complications. With planning and strategizing and driving myself positively batshit with details.
I want some sort of holiday where there ARE no details. Nothing that hurts and nothing to care about.
Pipe dreams, huh.