Day of no rest.
Today will be an absolute horror. We have to drive to New Carlisle to pick up Frank's check, back to Michigan City, to cash it, go buy boxes, and begin the neverending task of packing our house for the move. Yarg. I don't want to pack. I despise packing, because packing indicates a change. I don't respond well to change. At least we're moving somewhere where I have friends. I hate friendsless moves.
I am not entirely sure what sort of mood I am in. I seem to be moving slower than everyone else. Does that make any sense? I can almost literally see the comings and goings of the world, and I am just moving so slowly. Should I just be satisfied with the fact that I am still moving at all? I feel good, though. My heart has been acting up lately. Just randomly, I will lose my breath and my heartrate will accelerate. *shrug* It could be worse.
Very odd indeed. I've become exhausted with, "I'm sorries." Like, my oldoldoldold friend Jason said a few days ago, "I'm sorry about your immune system," (he never was very eloquent, I spose.) and more than anything, I wanted him to never mention it again. What is the point of bringing my illness up to me? Some people just do because they're curious, and that's cool. Like, Tori, she thought auto immune illnesses meant we bruise a lot. Which is essentially true, but it simply goes so much deeper than that.
I havent been to a kidney stick in three months. Considering I had lost so much kidney function in the first few months of diagnosis, I was sort of afraid of going back. I can self-diagnose most things. I remember knowing what was wrong with me, almost to the word.
I like forgetting it exists, and not dealing with doctors helps me do that.
I still take my meds - I just think it is a good decision for me psychologically, to NOT know the progression of the disease.
Is that wrong?
Sometimes I am not very analytical, but I have thought this through.
Jildo.
I am not entirely sure what sort of mood I am in. I seem to be moving slower than everyone else. Does that make any sense? I can almost literally see the comings and goings of the world, and I am just moving so slowly. Should I just be satisfied with the fact that I am still moving at all? I feel good, though. My heart has been acting up lately. Just randomly, I will lose my breath and my heartrate will accelerate. *shrug* It could be worse.
Very odd indeed. I've become exhausted with, "I'm sorries." Like, my oldoldoldold friend Jason said a few days ago, "I'm sorry about your immune system," (he never was very eloquent, I spose.) and more than anything, I wanted him to never mention it again. What is the point of bringing my illness up to me? Some people just do because they're curious, and that's cool. Like, Tori, she thought auto immune illnesses meant we bruise a lot. Which is essentially true, but it simply goes so much deeper than that.
I havent been to a kidney stick in three months. Considering I had lost so much kidney function in the first few months of diagnosis, I was sort of afraid of going back. I can self-diagnose most things. I remember knowing what was wrong with me, almost to the word.
I like forgetting it exists, and not dealing with doctors helps me do that.
I still take my meds - I just think it is a good decision for me psychologically, to NOT know the progression of the disease.
Is that wrong?
Sometimes I am not very analytical, but I have thought this through.
Jildo.