Finding My Voice
I'm a Gemini, and They say that makes me easily vacillate between two opposing extremes. When They're feeling generous, They say that Geminis can embrace the two sides to every story, can be of two minds about issues. Whatever. I doubt my wishy-washy nature has much at all to do with the stars.
I blame my fantastically large and flexible brain.
How would I describe this little blog I write?
Well, I suppose I'm a little bit country and I'm a little bit rock 'n' roll. I'm a little bit sci-fi geek and a little bit Waldorf mom. I'm a little bit Dooce and a little bit Soule Mama, although I'm not as accomplished or as popular as either of them. And I admire them both tremendously, for very different reasons.
Dooce is crass, bold, and outrageously honest. She is unapologetically writing about her world, without qualms, without worrying about who's getting pissed off. She writes about depression and poo, hate mail and her frustrations, her dogs and her kids, her successes and failures as a person in the world, an employee, and a parent-all with the broad stroke of a brush that's glopped with her own favorite color-and too bad if you don't like it. She cusses like a sailor and lives bravely, as an ex-Mormon in Utah whose job is to write to the Internet. She is a little too focused on style and stuff for my taste, because frankly I don't give a damn who designed what light fixture or wallpaper she likes, but when she writes about motherhood-personhood-she is raw and regal. She has made me laugh uproariously and cry-both in the same post.
Soule Mama is a creative, soulful mother of four. She lives in Maine and writes books about making things from scratch and doing it with children working beside her. She preserves foods, sews, knits, and creates things constantly. Like Dooce, Soule Mama is a great photographer, with a completely different style. Her blog about family life and mothering is idyllic; she writes about the good stuff because that's what she wants to remember, and that's what she wants to focus her energy on. She doesn't complain online or pull out her hair (and with four children, I imagine even she wants to do so once in a while). I appreciate the way she has embraced living simply, and the way she seems to love every day of mothering. She is inspiring and I love her for embodying a kind of patience and grace that I long to possess.
I think it's interesting that these two blogs are the two I read faithfully. And I admire how they're both living/writing.
So, no. I'm not either of these women. I am myself-struggling, rusty, insecure, jubilant, loyal, full of both yearning and love. I have my own voice, although if you asked me to describe it, I'd be hard-pressed to do so. I am both bold and staid. I love and sometimes despair at what I am doing with my life.
Sometimes I want to make my living writing to the Internet, too. I just don't know how to go about it. Nor do I know if anyone beyond my lovely circle of friends would care to read what I have to say.