sorting through my thoughts
did you ever just want to step away from your life and lose yourself in new beginnings?
do you ever imagine just picking up and venturing out into the unknown?
do you ever feel like you are in the wrong place? or in the wrong time?
i know that i'm not everyone's cup of tea. but am i anyone's cup?
can i even be tea? i've been alone for a long while now. at least 3 years, but maybe longer. somewhere along the way, i lost track. the memories all blurred together, and it seems like it's been forever since i have felt a real connection. it's possible that my input/output is broken. no chance for a strong connection until it's repaired. or maybe i'm out of date, and i need an upgrade. i digress.
i feel like i am capable of love. but i am also extremely capable of fear and pride and doubt. i'm not sure if i am completely willing to be vulnerable. i am not sure if i completely understand what is expected from me in this unusual world of games and chaos and safety and lies. i don't think i fit.
i often feel myself lost in the music, the romance portrayed in movies, the love that seems to be written and lived. but only by characters in songs and on screen. is any of it real? are my memories false? i know that i have loved, but was i ever truly loved in return?
maybe my past relationships were ones of convenience. maybe i haven't connected with anyone because i am no longer convenient. that could possibly be a sad sad realization, or a somewhat incorrect insecurity. either way, it's a serious thought that i struggle with.
i often want to run away. because i feel like it might actually be running towards something. i don't feel like i have anything worth fighting for. no strong relationships. no real importance. i don't know if i would even be missed. maybe slightly. but no one's world would cease without me. maybe that's the perfect time to leave. when your ties are so loose that you could easily walk away without detection.
i want to find a world of beauty. i want to find myself lost in love. i want to find a home, security, and my purpose. i want to create. i want to learn. i want to love. and most of all, i want to feel connected. how do i reconnect?
do you ever imagine just picking up and venturing out into the unknown?
do you ever feel like you are in the wrong place? or in the wrong time?
i know that i'm not everyone's cup of tea. but am i anyone's cup?
can i even be tea? i've been alone for a long while now. at least 3 years, but maybe longer. somewhere along the way, i lost track. the memories all blurred together, and it seems like it's been forever since i have felt a real connection. it's possible that my input/output is broken. no chance for a strong connection until it's repaired. or maybe i'm out of date, and i need an upgrade. i digress.
i feel like i am capable of love. but i am also extremely capable of fear and pride and doubt. i'm not sure if i am completely willing to be vulnerable. i am not sure if i completely understand what is expected from me in this unusual world of games and chaos and safety and lies. i don't think i fit.
i often feel myself lost in the music, the romance portrayed in movies, the love that seems to be written and lived. but only by characters in songs and on screen. is any of it real? are my memories false? i know that i have loved, but was i ever truly loved in return?
maybe my past relationships were ones of convenience. maybe i haven't connected with anyone because i am no longer convenient. that could possibly be a sad sad realization, or a somewhat incorrect insecurity. either way, it's a serious thought that i struggle with.
i often want to run away. because i feel like it might actually be running towards something. i don't feel like i have anything worth fighting for. no strong relationships. no real importance. i don't know if i would even be missed. maybe slightly. but no one's world would cease without me. maybe that's the perfect time to leave. when your ties are so loose that you could easily walk away without detection.
i want to find a world of beauty. i want to find myself lost in love. i want to find a home, security, and my purpose. i want to create. i want to learn. i want to love. and most of all, i want to feel connected. how do i reconnect?