I can't escape walking down these halls
I've been doing a lot of not thinking and thinking lately. I feel like I have lost sense of who I am. It's all in my head. Life is not about finidng yourself, it is about creating yourself! I already know this, at least, this is my philosophy for life, and I know there are other different opinions. But I feel like I'm not living up to my true potential, and I actually don't really have the energy to. I feel like I'm losing my energy and becoming really lazy. It's weird because during winter break I really wanted to do alot of things, and some things I have actually achieved this semester. The more sleep I get, the more tired I get. The less sleep I get the less tired I am in the moment, but in the end I am exhausted! It's weird.
I want so many things, and I want to work honestly to get them.
I love my parents sooooo freaking much! I love them, no matter how much they are a pain. I also love my brother because he helps me (without realizing it) to change my nasty lazy lifetstyle that I have been living since the 7th grade. I just wanted to reinforce that I appreciate that my family is there for me. They seriously want me to be the best, and I'm NOT going to let them down. I know right now I am struggling, but I want to be the best. NO person, or guy can bring me down. I know they have in the past, but this life is about ME and no one else. It's what I want to do, not what anyone else wants to do. I have to stand my ground, do what makes me feel comfortable, and go out of my comfort zone for later benefits.
Networking is such a great thing. When you know so many people and have so many connections, you feel like you're succeeded in a social way.
I just came back from studying at Dex's place. Him, Bryan and Tyler are such funny and fun guys. I'm glad they are in my life and that I hang out with them.
It's weird because in college I feel like I fit in perfectly. Well, not perfectly persay, there are still some people I definitely feel awkward around, there is still some drama, and I know for a fact that some people hate me for an invalid reason. However, com pared to high school, I've come such a long way. I'm reminiscing on the years so far, and I still cannot believe how far I have come from freshman year of high school when I used to eat lunch in the bathroom by myself because I didn't know anybody. All the lonely days of high school are over. At least now it is easier to talk to guys even though I don't have one.
With the guy subject, I feel like I am getting stronger. I am still confident, Taylor or no Taylor, that God will bring me somebody better, if Taylor is not meant to be. I know it is hard for me to even fathom, because don't like not knowing when. I have to know, and I don't. This scares me. But seriously, I feel like if I can't change it, then I can't change it. Of course it would be so nice and lot easier if Taylor really was interested in me. A part of me still wishes he was so that I can at least have some sort of piece of mind with guys. At least know that one guy out there appreciates my personality, and that my daddy is not the only man in my life that really likes me for me. It's true that I have definitely have gotten more attention from guys in general, especially this year, or at least last semester. But I don't want to keep hooking up with guys. I probably still will, but in a more meaningful kind of way. The random makeout sessions are fun, that last for like 2 minutes. But I don't want to do those in front of people because this causes an unwanted reputation in college, and nobody wants that. But I feel like seriously there is nothing I can do except be myself. I was thinking about this over the past couple of days and I seriously thought "wow we only have a few years left of the best years of our life"..we have the rest of our lives to spend time with that special someone, so why worry now? I guess it's because I don't know if my true love will come along. How can he, if a temporary boyfriend can't come along? But with alot of help from friends and reading books, I realized I cannot think negatively like this.
I can be in love with myself at times. I'm cute, and pretty. I can be gorgeous. I am beautiful inside and out. I am open and honest (for the most part) with people. I despise cheating on a guy. I like my style. Of course, there is always improvement, and I am continuing to improve everyday. I have great hair (thanks to extensions) with blond/gold highlights on the tips that are in style (not that this matters, but I thought it was funny). I have great collar bones. I have a small stomach that everybody envies. I have a big butt and guys like that (for the most part). I tan easily, and most girls get so jealous. I have an exotic look to me. I am bubbly and outgoing. I know when to be calm and when to have fun. I am doing better with organization and time management. I am currently trying to be more innovative and creative with life in general. I am spontaneous and easy going for the most part. I am not nagging. I am pure, a virgin, not one of those sluts in college that just give it up to any guy. I am close to God. I have a great family who loves me, and a respectable one as well. I am interested in people and naturally curious (even though that can get me in trouble at times, I love this trait about me). I have a great varying music interest. I am good with communicating and not afraid to say what is on my mind. I am doing a lot better at keeping my room clean (although at this very minute it is pretty dirty, but I'm going to clean it after I write this journal! lol) I have beautiful, big, dark, hypnotic, seductive eyes. I am Egyptian and people can be fascinated by that.
My point is, what guy WOULDNT want to be with me? I'm not perfect, and I'm never going to claim that (no body is!), but I love me, and if a guy can't see ME, then it is not worth my time.
I have a feeling that Taylor needs to trust me and get to know me better before he calls, but wouldnt he have called already to at least get to know me better? Maybe he doesnt want a girlfriend and is not looking for anything serious. Serisouly, guys are really confusing, and it's not my time to stress about it anymore. I'm not saying that I'm not doing anything wrong. If I am, I'll fix it. This means, if Taylor tries to hook up with me, I'll suggest watching a movie instead to get to know him better because I really respect him. That might get his attention and surprise him a little bit.
I guess my point to this blog is that I will escape these walls surrounding me. I will be FREE, I will be INDEPENDENT and I will take advantage to as much as I can that is coming my way. I won't lose my place in line. I'm not going to just wait. I will go for it. I know I will fail sometimes, but that will make succeeding so much better. NO ONE can bring me down. I've been trhough too much emotional trauma, lonliness, and dwelling to dwell anymore. I am worth it. I am SARA. I am worth waiting for. It's time I create soemthing that no one has ever seen before. I am in control of my mind, and I will continue to be in control. I have the power and it is time to use it. I will not fear my potential any longer. I will live life intensely, I will think of possibilites. There has to be something more. I will get out of depressing states of mind.
Oh God, give me the strength to overcome. Give me the strength to overcome. God has done so much for me. So much good. All I can do is thank him and appreciate that God is working overtime in my life. I am so lucky. I am so lucky to experience the life I have. It's time to stop feeling sorry for myself. I have more pride than that. Thank you for the friends that help me see you God. I feel your prescence this very minute, here in my room. I don't know where you are, but I cn feel you. I know I am not perfect, but help me, guide me through the path of righteousness. I'm trying awfully hard to be honeset, and trying to do good for society God. I am being nice to my enemies, even though I know they hate me.
I will escape.
I want so many things, and I want to work honestly to get them.
I love my parents sooooo freaking much! I love them, no matter how much they are a pain. I also love my brother because he helps me (without realizing it) to change my nasty lazy lifetstyle that I have been living since the 7th grade. I just wanted to reinforce that I appreciate that my family is there for me. They seriously want me to be the best, and I'm NOT going to let them down. I know right now I am struggling, but I want to be the best. NO person, or guy can bring me down. I know they have in the past, but this life is about ME and no one else. It's what I want to do, not what anyone else wants to do. I have to stand my ground, do what makes me feel comfortable, and go out of my comfort zone for later benefits.
Networking is such a great thing. When you know so many people and have so many connections, you feel like you're succeeded in a social way.
I just came back from studying at Dex's place. Him, Bryan and Tyler are such funny and fun guys. I'm glad they are in my life and that I hang out with them.
It's weird because in college I feel like I fit in perfectly. Well, not perfectly persay, there are still some people I definitely feel awkward around, there is still some drama, and I know for a fact that some people hate me for an invalid reason. However, com pared to high school, I've come such a long way. I'm reminiscing on the years so far, and I still cannot believe how far I have come from freshman year of high school when I used to eat lunch in the bathroom by myself because I didn't know anybody. All the lonely days of high school are over. At least now it is easier to talk to guys even though I don't have one.
With the guy subject, I feel like I am getting stronger. I am still confident, Taylor or no Taylor, that God will bring me somebody better, if Taylor is not meant to be. I know it is hard for me to even fathom, because don't like not knowing when. I have to know, and I don't. This scares me. But seriously, I feel like if I can't change it, then I can't change it. Of course it would be so nice and lot easier if Taylor really was interested in me. A part of me still wishes he was so that I can at least have some sort of piece of mind with guys. At least know that one guy out there appreciates my personality, and that my daddy is not the only man in my life that really likes me for me. It's true that I have definitely have gotten more attention from guys in general, especially this year, or at least last semester. But I don't want to keep hooking up with guys. I probably still will, but in a more meaningful kind of way. The random makeout sessions are fun, that last for like 2 minutes. But I don't want to do those in front of people because this causes an unwanted reputation in college, and nobody wants that. But I feel like seriously there is nothing I can do except be myself. I was thinking about this over the past couple of days and I seriously thought "wow we only have a few years left of the best years of our life"..we have the rest of our lives to spend time with that special someone, so why worry now? I guess it's because I don't know if my true love will come along. How can he, if a temporary boyfriend can't come along? But with alot of help from friends and reading books, I realized I cannot think negatively like this.
I can be in love with myself at times. I'm cute, and pretty. I can be gorgeous. I am beautiful inside and out. I am open and honest (for the most part) with people. I despise cheating on a guy. I like my style. Of course, there is always improvement, and I am continuing to improve everyday. I have great hair (thanks to extensions) with blond/gold highlights on the tips that are in style (not that this matters, but I thought it was funny). I have great collar bones. I have a small stomach that everybody envies. I have a big butt and guys like that (for the most part). I tan easily, and most girls get so jealous. I have an exotic look to me. I am bubbly and outgoing. I know when to be calm and when to have fun. I am doing better with organization and time management. I am currently trying to be more innovative and creative with life in general. I am spontaneous and easy going for the most part. I am not nagging. I am pure, a virgin, not one of those sluts in college that just give it up to any guy. I am close to God. I have a great family who loves me, and a respectable one as well. I am interested in people and naturally curious (even though that can get me in trouble at times, I love this trait about me). I have a great varying music interest. I am good with communicating and not afraid to say what is on my mind. I am doing a lot better at keeping my room clean (although at this very minute it is pretty dirty, but I'm going to clean it after I write this journal! lol) I have beautiful, big, dark, hypnotic, seductive eyes. I am Egyptian and people can be fascinated by that.
My point is, what guy WOULDNT want to be with me? I'm not perfect, and I'm never going to claim that (no body is!), but I love me, and if a guy can't see ME, then it is not worth my time.
I have a feeling that Taylor needs to trust me and get to know me better before he calls, but wouldnt he have called already to at least get to know me better? Maybe he doesnt want a girlfriend and is not looking for anything serious. Serisouly, guys are really confusing, and it's not my time to stress about it anymore. I'm not saying that I'm not doing anything wrong. If I am, I'll fix it. This means, if Taylor tries to hook up with me, I'll suggest watching a movie instead to get to know him better because I really respect him. That might get his attention and surprise him a little bit.
I guess my point to this blog is that I will escape these walls surrounding me. I will be FREE, I will be INDEPENDENT and I will take advantage to as much as I can that is coming my way. I won't lose my place in line. I'm not going to just wait. I will go for it. I know I will fail sometimes, but that will make succeeding so much better. NO ONE can bring me down. I've been trhough too much emotional trauma, lonliness, and dwelling to dwell anymore. I am worth it. I am SARA. I am worth waiting for. It's time I create soemthing that no one has ever seen before. I am in control of my mind, and I will continue to be in control. I have the power and it is time to use it. I will not fear my potential any longer. I will live life intensely, I will think of possibilites. There has to be something more. I will get out of depressing states of mind.
Oh God, give me the strength to overcome. Give me the strength to overcome. God has done so much for me. So much good. All I can do is thank him and appreciate that God is working overtime in my life. I am so lucky. I am so lucky to experience the life I have. It's time to stop feeling sorry for myself. I have more pride than that. Thank you for the friends that help me see you God. I feel your prescence this very minute, here in my room. I don't know where you are, but I cn feel you. I know I am not perfect, but help me, guide me through the path of righteousness. I'm trying awfully hard to be honeset, and trying to do good for society God. I am being nice to my enemies, even though I know they hate me.
I will escape.