I wish I had a chance to get to know you...everything turned red the first time I saw you
Soooo alot has happened the last couple of days. As we all know, I went to see NOFX with Strike Anywhere, Dead To Me, and Love Equals Death in Anaheim. That was a fucking awesome show!!! But I got a few surprises in general. Remember how I almost forgot about Sean? Well, turns out, I was sitting initially with my brother at that fountain area at Downtown Disney, and then who do I see with his friends, right by me?? Sean! I immediately got this weird sick feeling in the pit of my stomach, so I also immediately tried to forget he was there. But knowing he was there made me very self conscious. One big reason of this was because of the fact that I basically looked like shit. My hair looked bad, my skin and face was obviously weak (my fault of course), I was wearing an old oversized cross country T-shirt, and baggy jeans. I also felt self conscious because I was only with my brother when I was supposed to be with Aaron from Antagen, Brian (promoter), and like 16 other people. And Tall Mike wasn't going to be at this show (he missed out, and I am still sort of sad he didn't go, I miss him). So thank goodness Sean didn't notice me. Or at least I think he didn't. He seemed to busy socializing and hanging out with his friends. Once me and my brother go inside, I see Sean here and there. Which is amazing because it's so hard to find people in that damn venue. To my surprise, Love Equals Death played first. Me and Sherif were almost positive that Dead To Me was going to play first. Love Equals Death was really cool! I've seen them once before. There weren't that many fans there, so I basically just watched. Dead To Me was next....the lead singer was really kind of harsh to this one guy in the crowd!! I guess he thought that the guy said some crap about the band, and the singer completely harassed and embarassed him in front of everyone! The singer was basically like, "Excuse me??! Let me ask you a question...do you have a band? And more importantly, are you playing a show here? Who's on stage? Yea that's right. I'm fucking awesome, you dipshit. And that's how we do it in San Francisco." He said something like this, and even the guitarist was like, "wow, that was harsh"....and the funny pary was that it turns out that the guy didn't even say anything rude! So then the singer was like, "oh that's my mistake I'm sorry. Everybody give a hand for this guy, because I was wrong. But 99 percent of the time I'm right!" it was obvious that the singer was extremely blunt. Haha. Hey well at least not directly to me. They were pretty good live. They play a pop punk type sound. I wasn't really there for them though, although Sherif was mostly there for them. There was a little pit going. I could tell that the crowd was a very enthusiastic one! I was really excited for Strike Anywhere.....when they came on, of course I went into the pit! Before they played we had this conversation with this guy, and he told me that his girlfriend also liked the song SST just like I did. The reason why he brought that up was because I mentioned that I hope that they play it. Unfortunately they didn't. The pit was fucking amazing! Not the best of course, but really damn good! Not to big and not too small. Just right. They played Sedition, We Amplify, Blaze, Sunset, To the World, Infared, Instincts, Refusal, etc...I actually forgot the rest for now. There best songs had to be the We Amplify/Blaze combination. They are both 2 separate songs, but they are the same song, if that makes any sense. If you actually head it you would understand. Anyway it was amazing live...once Blaze started was when I started to go insane in the pit, because it has a strong start from the continuation of We Amplify. Also another favorite of mine was Refusal...I love this one lyric "I refuse to run, and I will die before I kneel, in this life!!"....it was purely amazing......after Strike Anywhere, I guess Brian found my brother, and then we met up with the rest of the guys. I swear, Brian knows like everybody! He seriously knew like 50 people in the venue....okay not really THAT much, but still alot. I've always clicked with Aaron, so I just talked to him most of the time. There was this guy that my brother met that writes for Skinnie magazine which was pretty cool. I also met this girl Amy later on. She's from Mission Viejo. NOFX was next.....the pit was fucking insane!!! Pretty much like a Pennywise pit....we all know how that routine goes by now. lol. I have this huuuuuuge bruise by my ankle on my right leg. What was cool is that they actually played an 18 minute long song called the Decline as their first song!!!! It was amazing....I got this weird feeling again, because I saw Sean in the pit.....actually I saw him so many times in there. He's soooo amazing in the pit. I didn't know that such a soft spoken, sweet guy like him could tear it up like that in the pit. I automatically had a lot of respect for him. He honestly looked like how I probably was at previous Bad Religion and Rise Against shows. He looked so cute in there....I'll talk about him a little later. Anyway NOFX ended, and I thought one of their best songs was Dinosaurs Will Die....They were fucking awesome live, and fuck anyone who said otherwise. SOOO many people told me they suck live, but they were fairly and honestly so good.
At the end of the show I was socializing, and I noticed Sean standing by himself so I sucked it up and said hi to him, despite the fact that I looked like complete shit. I figured if I ever saw him again after the show, I would at least look alot better, and he would see an improvement. I tapped him on the shoulder and he turned around, almost not recognizing who I was...he gave me a hug, asked me who I was with. I told him that I couldn't believe that they actually played the Decline. I didn't really have much to say to him. I pretty much froze, so I hided it by going back to my group which was to the left of us, and sort of ignoring him....he followed me once, then I turned to my brother to ask him for water, then he disappeared. I figured he thought I was busy with my friends, and I assumed his friends told him "let's go sean" or something like that. I was glad I said hello. But I really have to say that this guy has me messed up so much. I realized I'm still crazy for him, and I'm still trying to find out why. It's because of his personality. I'm used to assholes, and he is not one. He's a taurus gemini with a cancer moon, and I'm an aries with a taurus moon, which are both VERY HIGHLY COMPATABLE. I seriously think this guy is perfect for me, at least in this moment. I'm not saying he is the best guy out there, but he's the best so far. Or am I just saying that because I like him? I am so confused. I just want to be either completely over him or with him. I will be heartbroken if he gets together with his ex Melanie. I will also be heartbroken if he gets a girlfriend period. Seeing him in the pit made me realize we really do have a lot in common. He likes punk rock more than I thought and what makes that attractive in him is that he never really mentioned it that much. I just want a chance to get to know him better....but he won't let me. And I know I have to move on. I really am trying, but he keeps popping into my head. I pray to God that this bad feeling passes. And I know that it will, over time all wounds will heal. But it just sucks. It sucks not knowing who you are going to meet, and if they are going to be better than the one you are already crazy about. But with all these thoughts, I know deep down that God has a plan for me. A good plan of course. I have this burning great feeling that he promises me a great guy in the near future. I'm so confident that he will come very soon. I'm not saying he will be Mr. Right. But a guy like Sean, someone even better will come across my way and he will like me and will be as crazy about me as much as I am like him. And we will be really compatible and good for each other in these moments. So I am just leaving it up to God. I have complete faith in him, and I KNOW he won't let me down.
After the show day, the next day we decided to go to visit and explore a city in California called San Clemente. We took the train (Metrolink) there. The train tracks are basically on that beach, and the beach is seriously breathtakingly beauiful. It's like something out of a picture book. We went to eat breakfast in this little cafe, and had the best pancakes I've ever tasted in my entire life. It was just perfect. The city is rich, clean, and nice as well, and the guys there are so effing hot! haha...sorry I had to say that one. But seriously the people are of a good standard. I was thinking once I'm back in Cali after break, I could just come here by myself, and not tell anyone, this place would be my little private getaway. i coul spend pretty much the whole morning and afternoon here on Fridays. The only thing that's holding me back is the money becuase a round trip train ride costs about 15 dollars. lol. We'll see how everything goes.
The next day (Friday) we went to Santa Monica and went to drop off my brother's stuff at UCLA. This was his last day with us because he starts school on Jan 8th. We basically walked on the beach all day. It was pretty amazing. I realized how appreciative I was of being in California...Well I'm always appreciative, but this was reinforced I guess. I had this loooong conversation with my brother about how much there is to do in Califonia, and when you think about it, it's so powerful. I could be somebody here, I want to be. Just between Orange County, LA, and San Diego, there is so much, and so many people to meet. It's all what you make of it, and you have to find it. They way back home was a potential nightmare for me and my mom. Bacially there are two trains that go places in CA. One is called Metrolink, and one is called Amtrack. They both arrive at the same station, but both go to different destinations, and even if you find that they do go to the same destinations, they arrive and depart at different times. Metrolink's last train is 4:45.....Amtrack's last train is about 10 pm...way more convenient thna Metrolink, especially since me and my mom wanted to spend as much time with my brother before he left until summer basically. So we decided to leave on the 8:00 train....once we arrive the LA Union Station, the lady tells us that I need photo ID in order to board the train or else I cannot get a ticket. I didn't have any form of ID (so stupid on my part, but what's done is done)....so anyway my mom is starting to freak out...because how can we get back to Fullerton? Apparently according to the freaking manager of the Amtrack station we were not allowed to by tickets at all. No questions asked. All because I didn't have a stinkin photo ID. It was for security and totally understandable but they didn't seem to understand that I was the daughter of my mother and also, there could be some other way to prove my safeness towards other people. I seriously thought we were going to sleep on the starts. I started to cry and my mom was yelling at the guy...it seemed like eveyrthing went wrong. Then my mom had an idea, and it workd, and I truly saw the action of God working in our lives. It was ABSOLUTELY AMAZING and I will never forget it.
I seriously feel like I can do anything. I feel like I'm getting closer and closer to my goals. Like I originally thought, this winter break is really helping me organize, relax, and sort out my thoughts. I really honestly believe that life is way too fucking short to waste on anything. I want to experience as much good things as possible, and make the best of whatever situaion I'm in, and to fight for better. Always fight for better while appreciating what you have. Whatever comes my way this next semester I will try to deal with the best I can. I also believe in making memories for the future and recording those memories. That's why especially next semester, in my times of the best years of my life, I should at least take out some time out of my day, even if it's only 5-10 minutes to record what I need to on livejournal of what exactly happened that day. Also I need to take alot of pictures. I believe that if I record the memories now, it reinfoces the fun I've had when I look back on it years from now...
I have so many plans. So many things I need to get done. There is always a ocnstant work in progress.
I miss Fullerton alot. I'm eager to see what will happen with my friends, with guys, with school, with my parents. My parents are so hardworking by the way, and I really admire that, despite how boring they can be. They are still my parents and I really respect them, even though we are so different from each other...at least the way we communicate is a lot different from each other. Anyway, I wonder if my friends in CA miss me at all? Probably. I want to make the most of next semester...I want to just do everything, and accomplish what I'm here on this earth for, if it's the last thing I do....OH AND I WILL DO IT!!!
At the end of the show I was socializing, and I noticed Sean standing by himself so I sucked it up and said hi to him, despite the fact that I looked like complete shit. I figured if I ever saw him again after the show, I would at least look alot better, and he would see an improvement. I tapped him on the shoulder and he turned around, almost not recognizing who I was...he gave me a hug, asked me who I was with. I told him that I couldn't believe that they actually played the Decline. I didn't really have much to say to him. I pretty much froze, so I hided it by going back to my group which was to the left of us, and sort of ignoring him....he followed me once, then I turned to my brother to ask him for water, then he disappeared. I figured he thought I was busy with my friends, and I assumed his friends told him "let's go sean" or something like that. I was glad I said hello. But I really have to say that this guy has me messed up so much. I realized I'm still crazy for him, and I'm still trying to find out why. It's because of his personality. I'm used to assholes, and he is not one. He's a taurus gemini with a cancer moon, and I'm an aries with a taurus moon, which are both VERY HIGHLY COMPATABLE. I seriously think this guy is perfect for me, at least in this moment. I'm not saying he is the best guy out there, but he's the best so far. Or am I just saying that because I like him? I am so confused. I just want to be either completely over him or with him. I will be heartbroken if he gets together with his ex Melanie. I will also be heartbroken if he gets a girlfriend period. Seeing him in the pit made me realize we really do have a lot in common. He likes punk rock more than I thought and what makes that attractive in him is that he never really mentioned it that much. I just want a chance to get to know him better....but he won't let me. And I know I have to move on. I really am trying, but he keeps popping into my head. I pray to God that this bad feeling passes. And I know that it will, over time all wounds will heal. But it just sucks. It sucks not knowing who you are going to meet, and if they are going to be better than the one you are already crazy about. But with all these thoughts, I know deep down that God has a plan for me. A good plan of course. I have this burning great feeling that he promises me a great guy in the near future. I'm so confident that he will come very soon. I'm not saying he will be Mr. Right. But a guy like Sean, someone even better will come across my way and he will like me and will be as crazy about me as much as I am like him. And we will be really compatible and good for each other in these moments. So I am just leaving it up to God. I have complete faith in him, and I KNOW he won't let me down.
After the show day, the next day we decided to go to visit and explore a city in California called San Clemente. We took the train (Metrolink) there. The train tracks are basically on that beach, and the beach is seriously breathtakingly beauiful. It's like something out of a picture book. We went to eat breakfast in this little cafe, and had the best pancakes I've ever tasted in my entire life. It was just perfect. The city is rich, clean, and nice as well, and the guys there are so effing hot! haha...sorry I had to say that one. But seriously the people are of a good standard. I was thinking once I'm back in Cali after break, I could just come here by myself, and not tell anyone, this place would be my little private getaway. i coul spend pretty much the whole morning and afternoon here on Fridays. The only thing that's holding me back is the money becuase a round trip train ride costs about 15 dollars. lol. We'll see how everything goes.
The next day (Friday) we went to Santa Monica and went to drop off my brother's stuff at UCLA. This was his last day with us because he starts school on Jan 8th. We basically walked on the beach all day. It was pretty amazing. I realized how appreciative I was of being in California...Well I'm always appreciative, but this was reinforced I guess. I had this loooong conversation with my brother about how much there is to do in Califonia, and when you think about it, it's so powerful. I could be somebody here, I want to be. Just between Orange County, LA, and San Diego, there is so much, and so many people to meet. It's all what you make of it, and you have to find it. They way back home was a potential nightmare for me and my mom. Bacially there are two trains that go places in CA. One is called Metrolink, and one is called Amtrack. They both arrive at the same station, but both go to different destinations, and even if you find that they do go to the same destinations, they arrive and depart at different times. Metrolink's last train is 4:45.....Amtrack's last train is about 10 pm...way more convenient thna Metrolink, especially since me and my mom wanted to spend as much time with my brother before he left until summer basically. So we decided to leave on the 8:00 train....once we arrive the LA Union Station, the lady tells us that I need photo ID in order to board the train or else I cannot get a ticket. I didn't have any form of ID (so stupid on my part, but what's done is done)....so anyway my mom is starting to freak out...because how can we get back to Fullerton? Apparently according to the freaking manager of the Amtrack station we were not allowed to by tickets at all. No questions asked. All because I didn't have a stinkin photo ID. It was for security and totally understandable but they didn't seem to understand that I was the daughter of my mother and also, there could be some other way to prove my safeness towards other people. I seriously thought we were going to sleep on the starts. I started to cry and my mom was yelling at the guy...it seemed like eveyrthing went wrong. Then my mom had an idea, and it workd, and I truly saw the action of God working in our lives. It was ABSOLUTELY AMAZING and I will never forget it.
I seriously feel like I can do anything. I feel like I'm getting closer and closer to my goals. Like I originally thought, this winter break is really helping me organize, relax, and sort out my thoughts. I really honestly believe that life is way too fucking short to waste on anything. I want to experience as much good things as possible, and make the best of whatever situaion I'm in, and to fight for better. Always fight for better while appreciating what you have. Whatever comes my way this next semester I will try to deal with the best I can. I also believe in making memories for the future and recording those memories. That's why especially next semester, in my times of the best years of my life, I should at least take out some time out of my day, even if it's only 5-10 minutes to record what I need to on livejournal of what exactly happened that day. Also I need to take alot of pictures. I believe that if I record the memories now, it reinfoces the fun I've had when I look back on it years from now...
I have so many plans. So many things I need to get done. There is always a ocnstant work in progress.
I miss Fullerton alot. I'm eager to see what will happen with my friends, with guys, with school, with my parents. My parents are so hardworking by the way, and I really admire that, despite how boring they can be. They are still my parents and I really respect them, even though we are so different from each other...at least the way we communicate is a lot different from each other. Anyway, I wonder if my friends in CA miss me at all? Probably. I want to make the most of next semester...I want to just do everything, and accomplish what I'm here on this earth for, if it's the last thing I do....OH AND I WILL DO IT!!!