(no subject)
Wow! It's been quite awhile since I've even cared to update this thing. Not that I didn't necessarily WANT to update, but I just procrastinated, or had too much to say for one journal entry. I guess that doesn't make sense, because I always have alot to say, even about a random piece of cheese for example, but hey. This jut means I will be saying quite alot in the next couple of entries. But I have to make this one sort of short because I have a chemistry test tomorrow at 11:30...AND I have another class (Statistics) at 7 AM.
I am feeling a feeling musically that I haven't felt since high school. I just wanted to say that I love the band Ignite with all my heart. They changed my outlook on life musically. Their music has such a perfect feel to it. They are playing again on August 21st down in Pomona, which is like 20 minutes away. I will try my best to go to that show.
I guess you can say I changed alot. But it's just personal change. I haven't changed towards my friends. My friends are still my friends. I love them and will continue loving them. I haven't forgot about anybody, although it does kind of seem like that. I feel like a jerk. I've been consumed in my personal advancement to really care about anyone else. And then when I do have the time to care, I'm too "tired" or too "lazy"....or just relaxing. I think since I wasted to much of my time to express my freedom away from my previous very traditional strict mother, I strayed away from my "me" time. And this summer was CRUCIAL in discovering what I was missing. I felt almost superficial, I was living too much in the moment, which is exactly what I wanted....but I felt some of my balance was off. I was living too much for other people, and not so much myself. For example, I would push off homework to hang out with a friend. Friends always came first. And I would go the extra unneeded mile for a friend. Almost TOO much, which is fine, but it got to the point where I didn't even remember why I came out to California in the first place. I came here for a reason, which is school. I think coming from a super strict family and suddenly moving away, helped me alot. It helped me grow up alot. It helped me express my TRUE self, and discover traits about myself that I never knew I could express. It's such an amazing feeling. And alot of these traits were social traits. Since I was basically sheltered socially most of my life (though I tried to rebel)...I am rebelling almost more than ever. Sometimes I can be quite the impulsive daredevil, and do daring things without thinking about them. Thank goodness I have good solid people around me to help me think before I act.
This summer is helping me in ways I wanted to. I am definitely having more me time, more time for me to contemplate upon life, more time to think about the choices I made this year, and the choices I denied. I am wanting more out of life, more than ever. I've realized it's now or never. I better take charge of my life now, or else I will continue to procrastinate what I need to do to reach my goals. It's harder than it seems. Good news is although we all know I have EXTREMELY BAD self-discipline and work ethic issues, this summer has helped me start to fix probably the biggest weaknesses I have in my life. THIS IS WHAT IS BRINGING ME DOWN, THIS IS WHAT'S IN THE WAY OF MY LIFE GOALS.
I'm finally away from people who brought me down, people who fucked me over this past year. Drama will happen no matter what, usually due to miscommunication. I always push for communication, hence being very open. But I also realize people are different and totally opposite of that. Some people prefer to be very private, not tell you what's wrong, and then ignore you forever. I definitely don't agree with that approach, communication is VERY important to me.
I feel very lucky in my life, and I truly thank God, with the deepest of all my heart, that finally I am able to make something of myself. I hope one day I will be successful. I don't hope, I KNOW, if I work hard, be myself, accept certain things in my life, be open to new ideas, be great at networking, etc, I will achieve what I need to. As well as working on my weaknesses.
My brother's old roommate committed suicide a month ago. I don't know why I just thought of this all of a sudden, but I felt significant to record before, it's sort of out of place, and I apologize for that. I will elaborate on the situation later, however, I have never felt that deepest emotion of death so suddenly. It was almost an amazingly eering experience. A scary, depressing one as well, and thinking about how HE felt as well. And thinking what I could have done to prevent it. Living with regret is not good. What happens happens. I know this doesnt make sense now, but it will very soon.
I have also been totally conusumed in astrology. It's all very interesting to me. I must continue on with my studying.
Listening to Ignite while writing this truly has been an inspirign experience. I cannnot WAIT to go to another show. I have the best feeling in the world right now, very undescribable, but I haven't felt it since I first starting recording in livejournal. com. Which I think is truly amazing, having past amazing feelings disappear, and then suddenly reappear. Life has hope guys. It has hope!
I am feeling a feeling musically that I haven't felt since high school. I just wanted to say that I love the band Ignite with all my heart. They changed my outlook on life musically. Their music has such a perfect feel to it. They are playing again on August 21st down in Pomona, which is like 20 minutes away. I will try my best to go to that show.
I guess you can say I changed alot. But it's just personal change. I haven't changed towards my friends. My friends are still my friends. I love them and will continue loving them. I haven't forgot about anybody, although it does kind of seem like that. I feel like a jerk. I've been consumed in my personal advancement to really care about anyone else. And then when I do have the time to care, I'm too "tired" or too "lazy"....or just relaxing. I think since I wasted to much of my time to express my freedom away from my previous very traditional strict mother, I strayed away from my "me" time. And this summer was CRUCIAL in discovering what I was missing. I felt almost superficial, I was living too much in the moment, which is exactly what I wanted....but I felt some of my balance was off. I was living too much for other people, and not so much myself. For example, I would push off homework to hang out with a friend. Friends always came first. And I would go the extra unneeded mile for a friend. Almost TOO much, which is fine, but it got to the point where I didn't even remember why I came out to California in the first place. I came here for a reason, which is school. I think coming from a super strict family and suddenly moving away, helped me alot. It helped me grow up alot. It helped me express my TRUE self, and discover traits about myself that I never knew I could express. It's such an amazing feeling. And alot of these traits were social traits. Since I was basically sheltered socially most of my life (though I tried to rebel)...I am rebelling almost more than ever. Sometimes I can be quite the impulsive daredevil, and do daring things without thinking about them. Thank goodness I have good solid people around me to help me think before I act.
This summer is helping me in ways I wanted to. I am definitely having more me time, more time for me to contemplate upon life, more time to think about the choices I made this year, and the choices I denied. I am wanting more out of life, more than ever. I've realized it's now or never. I better take charge of my life now, or else I will continue to procrastinate what I need to do to reach my goals. It's harder than it seems. Good news is although we all know I have EXTREMELY BAD self-discipline and work ethic issues, this summer has helped me start to fix probably the biggest weaknesses I have in my life. THIS IS WHAT IS BRINGING ME DOWN, THIS IS WHAT'S IN THE WAY OF MY LIFE GOALS.
I'm finally away from people who brought me down, people who fucked me over this past year. Drama will happen no matter what, usually due to miscommunication. I always push for communication, hence being very open. But I also realize people are different and totally opposite of that. Some people prefer to be very private, not tell you what's wrong, and then ignore you forever. I definitely don't agree with that approach, communication is VERY important to me.
I feel very lucky in my life, and I truly thank God, with the deepest of all my heart, that finally I am able to make something of myself. I hope one day I will be successful. I don't hope, I KNOW, if I work hard, be myself, accept certain things in my life, be open to new ideas, be great at networking, etc, I will achieve what I need to. As well as working on my weaknesses.
My brother's old roommate committed suicide a month ago. I don't know why I just thought of this all of a sudden, but I felt significant to record before, it's sort of out of place, and I apologize for that. I will elaborate on the situation later, however, I have never felt that deepest emotion of death so suddenly. It was almost an amazingly eering experience. A scary, depressing one as well, and thinking about how HE felt as well. And thinking what I could have done to prevent it. Living with regret is not good. What happens happens. I know this doesnt make sense now, but it will very soon.
I have also been totally conusumed in astrology. It's all very interesting to me. I must continue on with my studying.
Listening to Ignite while writing this truly has been an inspirign experience. I cannnot WAIT to go to another show. I have the best feeling in the world right now, very undescribable, but I haven't felt it since I first starting recording in livejournal. com. Which I think is truly amazing, having past amazing feelings disappear, and then suddenly reappear. Life has hope guys. It has hope!