the end...
so tonight i think i got my ending that i didn't want, but i needed. it's kind of a liberating feeling to realize that i can't give him what he wants...just like he can't give me what i want. there's no need in even thinking about it or him anymore. i don't think i can be friends with him, and it's not because i don't like him as a person or that i don't like being around him. when this all started, i was terribly unattracted to him. i nit picked to find every last thing that would make me go uh, no thanks. as time went on, i found him endearing...his different sized nostrils, the scar on his lip, his crazy eyebrows, the way his head was so shiney for 2 or 3 days after he shaved all of his hair off about once a month, his clothes, his too tiny shirts...everything. now, it's past the point. i want to be friends and just hang out...but i don't think i can...at this point at least. as i was walking away tonight he muttered something along the lines of 'i'm sorry for what i did', i didn't say it was okay, i didn't smile, i just walked away. there's nothing i can really do. i said all along it is what it is...and what it is is nothing. better sooner than later i suppose. and i guess one way i can detach myself from any sort of attraction is to think of how drunk he was tonight, slurring and stumbling. acting like that is always a turn off for me. well, maybe not so much of a turn off but an annoyance. so i guess it's safe to say that it is what it is...and it really isn't anything at all.