It's Been A While
Man I can't hardly remeber the last time I wrote in this thing. It only took me like 10 times to remeber all my stuff to get back in here. So life has been peachy.. I suppose. I moved back home which is always great. But not really. Ryan and I are still together but he is in Eugene staying with his sister and his Mom for right now. He really needs to get a job. I don't know what to do about him anymore, I really don't. We were planning on moving to pheonix cause Tyson offered him a really good job down there but neither of us really want to go. So I don't know. The only thing that I DO know, is not having him around all the time is driving me insane. I hate it. When he is not here I am constantly depressed and I can't bring myself out of it. The only time I am happy is when he calls and I can talk to him or when I get to see him. And I haven't talked to him since Monday. He came back to town on Thursday and we stayed with his Cousin Mitch and Mitch's girfriend Cory till Monday. It was a ton of fun. I miss him so much and it felt sooo good to be with him. I am supposed to go down to Salem this weekend to stay at his parents house with him but since he hasn't called I really don't know whats going on with that. I hope that he calls me tonight, I start to get really worried when I don't hear from him for long periods of time. I think that the next time we get to sit down together I am just going to tell him we are not moving to Arizona and he needs to get a job and we will get an apartment here together, cause I can't handle living like this much longer. I hate staying at my parents house, it's a f-ing insane asylum. I feel like I should be in a flippin straight jacket or something. All they can do is tell my what a fuck up I am and what a peice of shit Ryan is and I really sick of it like you would not even believe. Not living with Ryan really sucks, him not being around sucks even more and my parents on top of everything are not helping. And from what it sounds like they are telling my whole family that I am a druggie as well as Ryan and that we are raging lush's that do nothing with our lives which is the biggest load of shit I have ever heard. Anyway, I am still working at the same place...joyfull I know. But at least it is a job. I really need to get my ass is gear and start looking for a better job, or at least a second job. I don't really hang out with anyone anymore, I see Trisha once in a while and I haven't talked to Jessie in forever. And that really doesn't bother me. I would really rather not hang out anyway, it's not like we ever do anything anyway. I have been looking at apartments lately and found some pretty good deals. I'm just not sure what to do, I really need to talk to Ryan about it all and he hates talking on the phone so I guess I will have to wait till I see him again, which is hopefully this weekend. Well I should get going for now, maybe I will post again later.