(no subject)

[saraaamae]

I hate every second of this.
I hate the thought of being with you.
And I hate the thought of being without you.
I hate the thought of those words ringing in my ears
Like a lullaby everytime I close my eyes.
I hate knowing that in those moments,
I was of no concern to you when you were always
my priority. I hate feeling broken, but knowing that
it was at your hands that broke me hurts even more.
I hate making choices when I can't even sleep to make a rational one.
I hate the feeling of dry tears on my face,
and waking without the will to care about you.
Most of all, I hate myself. I hate myself for still loving you.
I hate myself for not being strong enough to let go.
I hate not being able to blink without tears forming.
I hate that thinking of you and  her makes me sick.
I absolutely hate beyond myself is the fact
that you want me to fix this for you. I hate not knowing anymore
whether I want to follow my heart or my head anymore.
I hate that in losing you I lost myself too.