{exo} Fire that Refines
Title: Fire that Refines
Rating: PG
Word Count: 7,111
Summary: He's Marked; impure and vile. And he's Holy; still just as corrupt, if not more.
FIRE THAT REFINES
Baekhyun hurried down the village’s main road, head hung, eyes memorizing every cracking cobblestone. The sight of dirt and stone was all too familiar by now, but he wouldn’t dare look up. It wasn’t his place to do so. However, it was his place to step aside for every living creature, to accept every snide sneer and hushed curse. It was expected for him to keep his head lowered as a woman shrieked when he walked too closely by her stand. It was his duty to perform thankless errands and chores.
Baekhyun was one of the Marked, and he accepted everything that came with it.
Whenever a child was born, it would be handed over to the village mystics before even its own mother. After long lasting chants and prayers, the mystics would emerge and announce the results of the purity test.
His hand reached up to thoughtlessly trace over the raised skin on the right side of his face. Baekhyun hadn’t passed the test and received his mark at the beginning of puberty.
He can recall that the pain had been excruciating and vaguely remembers questioning why the elders waited so long to literally “mark” them. At least if it had been done during early childhood, there would be the hope of forgetting what it felt like. But even now, Baekhyun can still remember the agony, can still feel it wet with blood and ink and tears. It was one of the things that still hurt as one of the Marked.
After twenty long years, one accepted their place among the Marked. One learned to understand their purpose for damnation, and really couldn’t blame anyone else. No one could be blamed for not loving him. There was no fault in harboring malice and disgust towards him. He’d stopped looking for acceptance, stopped looking for love long ago. No one would love him and he could love no one, for who would want something so dirty? Baekhyun had been searched at birth and his soul was wrought with a darkness unseen by the average eye. The elders had deemed him soiled, unclean, and as of late it was becoming apparent that they were right.
He’d held out longer than most actually, the majority of the Marked giving way to inner darkness normally in their fifteenth year. Baekhyun envied them. They had been able to undergo purification only that much sooner. He was being forced to suffer as an outcast only that much longer. The longer a Marked lasted, the greater their darkness was; the elders noted that it stayed hidden, fearing purification.
As a child, Baekhyun couldn’t understand why he’d been marked. There was no “inner darkness” he knew of, no dire need to destroy or curse deep within. But the mystics’ conclusion is always final for a reason. Day by day, Baekhyun felt himself sinking more and more. For once in his life, he felt he could fully understand their words. His eyes were growing dim, his heart becoming weary. His tongue urged to spill slander and his mind cursed every villager. Yes, he could finally feel the dormant evil awakening. And he was just about ready to accept it graciously.
Finally reaching the end of the road, Baekhyun looked back at his village. He could see everything from atop this hill, from the middle market to the Holy House to the residential quarters. He came to this vantage point frequently and can recall how he used to look at the small village with sadness and longing. Now he felt a slow simmering hatred instead and smiled sardonically. Just another result of his true wickedness.
He sighed and continued into the surrounding forest. This was his place of solace, the furthest away he’d allow himself to be from the village. The Marked wouldn’t dare leave the village to escape their fate. If they did, who else would purify them when the time came? Baekhyun would go back, just as he always did.
He crept further into the forest, reveling in the peace and quiet. This was the one place that could still calm him, that could still distract him from his changing heart. He proceeded forward in a blissful daze, aware of only the cool breeze and singing birds.
Until he tripped and landed on something incredibly soft and warm.
Something that groaned groggily in response.
Baekhyun’s eyes widened as he scrambled onto his feet, thoroughly shocked to find someone else out here. It was covered in fallen leaves and disguised by foliage, but there was no doubting that there was indeed a man lying on the ground. The stranger seemed to be sleeping, despite being landed on earlier and Baekhyun stood frozen in place. He wasn’t entirely sure what to do, never having met someone from outside the village. After a few minutes, he settled for kneeling down to at least make sure the man was okay; it wasn’t normal to be sleeping soundly after so much commotion.
He gingerly pulled back the man’s hood to reveal a mess of light auburn curls. He bit his lip and hesitantly reached out to sweep them back. The Marked never touched people if it could be avoided, and even just the skim of fingertips to forehead sent Baekhyun reeling. It was so warm. Almost abnormally so. He furrowed his brow and brazenly pressed his wrist to the man’s forehead again. He definitely had a fever.
Abandoning formalities, Baekhyun scooped up the man’s face, which upon closer inspection didn’t look much older than his own. He began to prod him lightly, chanting words of ‘can you hear me?’ and ‘sir please wake up’. Eventually, the man responded with a groan, eyes fluttering open. Those eyes, although glossy with fatigue, focused on Baekhyun’s face with intent. His breath hitched when the man smiled weakly, but oh so beautifully at him.
And then the illusion was shattered.
“What a tainted soul you are.” The stranger rumbled in a deep voice.
Baekhyun had half a mind to leave him there. It’s not like anyone would want his help anyways.
But then the man groaned in pain, eyes closing once more, and Baekhyun felt a strange spark in his heart. This man needed him. He reached out tentatively to brush those auburn curls away and asked dryly.
“Do you wish for this tainted soul to help you, good sir?”
To Baekhyun’s surprise, the man smiled wryly and laughed breathily. His eyes opened and turned pleadingly towards him.
“Help would be very much welcome…?”
He blinked in shock before stuttering a response.
“My name is Baekhyun, good sir.”
A deep laugh resounded once more.
“And mine is Chanyeol, not good sir.”
Their conversation ended there because Chanyeol coughed a fit before falling unconscious again. He struggled quite a bit, but Baekhyun finally succeeded in dragging the disgustingly tall individual back to the village. He obviously didn’t think things through because upon reaching the town, no one seemed too willing to come forward and help, and it wasn’t Baekhyun’s place to ask for it. He was spared a difficult situation when an elder healer happened by the scene and quickly relieved him of the feverish traveler.
Baekhyun watched Chanyeol get carried away before lowering his head and retreating to his own quarters. He mused over the man’s smiles and laughter for a while, how he’d looked so kindly at such a “tainted soul”. He supposed people would accept help from even the Marked if they were desperate enough. He willed that small spark in his chest to fade away. It wouldn’t listen. That night he dreamt of auburn curls and rumbling laughter.
Baekhyun awoke early, just as he always did, but chose to lie in bed for several hours. It was getting harder every day to muster the will to get up. His mind traveled over trivial topics, things like ‘what am I going to eat’ and ‘I wonder if I’ll snap today’. Then he thought of that man with the auburn curls, the one he’d salvaged from the forest nearly a week ago. ‘I wonder if Chanyeol is okay’. He found the will to get up at last.
Washed and dressed he embarked into society, ready for what may come. All he needed was to bear it long enough to find that road. Bear it until he was taken far away from piercing stares and bitter murmurs. He was halfway through the village, halfway through the melee when an awfully familiar voice thundered from behind.
“Baekhyun!”
He froze dead in his tracks.
The world stopped moving and didn’t start again until he felt a warmth fill his shoulder. When he looked, a large hand was in fact perched on his left and he glanced up to find none other than Chanyeol. He was all smiles, perfect white teeth and glittering eyes, face haloed by curls that shone gold in the sun. The warmth from his shoulder flooded his face and he moved to hang his head, remembering his place.
Chanyeol seemed to pout, a little put off by the lack of reciprocated enthusiasm. It’s not like Baekhyun wasn’t happy to see the man was well, he was just confused more than anything. No one greets the Marked, especially not by their names. It made his heart do this little dive into his gut, and all he could manage was a slight bow to the other. As soon as Chanyeol dropped his grip on his shoulder, he scurried off, still bound for his forest. What he didn’t expect was for Chanyeol to follow him. He just kept walking, trying to ignore the towering presence by him for a lack of anything better to do.
“Aren’t you going to ask me how I’m doing?” Chanyeol grumbled after a few moments. Baekhyun tripped over his own feet in response.
“I, uh, how is your health faring, good sir.” Baekhyun muttered, not really a question.
“Wonderfully, thank you for asking.” Chanyeol beamed, flashing a breathtaking smile. Not that Baekhyun was looking, for that would be inappropriate.
Chanyeol wouldn’t stop talking to him. He kept following him, blabbering on about whatever came to mind. Baekhyun honestly didn’t know what to do with this bizarre turn of events. Yes, he admits he had wanted to see the man he helped not long ago. And yes, he was relieved to see him doing fine. But Baekhyun had attributed the man’s relative kindness towards him as naivety. He wasn’t from around here, so he wouldn’t know their customs.
But by now, he should’ve caught on to the way things worked. He shouldn’t be here, seeking out the company of a Marked. He wanted Chanyeol to leave, just leave him alone and stop putting him in a difficult position. But he couldn’t very well just tell him to get lost, that was too audacious for one of his kind. Or was it? Why should he even care at this point?
“Shut up. Stop talking to me already. Are you an idiot or something?” Baekhyun seethed, words falling unexpectedly harsh from his lips. What was even more unexpected was Chanyeol’s reaction. He reached out and cupped his chin firmly, looking straight into his eyes while smirking.
“Ah, there are those eyes I remember so clearly. Are all of the Marked eyes so empty?” There was something in Chanyeol’s voice, in the way he looked straight into his soul that made Baekhyun’s blood run cold.
“Who are you?” He managed to breathe out after Chanyeol finally released him. The tall man walked away and motioned for Baekhyun to follow.
“I’m a traveling Holy Man of sorts.” Chanyeol answered after a while.
Baekhyun froze up behind him.
Well that was a surprise.
Chanyeol turned around when he realized Baekhyun had stopped following him. When he reached out, Baekhyun flinched away instinctively, evoking a loud sigh from the man.
“I said I was a Holy Man, not the boogie man. Although, they’re probably one and the same for your kind, huh?” Chanyeol reached out again and this time managed to get a hold of Baekhyun’s arm.
“Honestly, I’m not going to hurt you. I just want to talk. I know what you are and it is okay for you to be with me. You have my blessing.” Chanyeol seemed to snort a bit at his own words, but meant them nonetheless. Baekhyun just let himself be dragged away and out of the village, truly at a loss for words.
They stopped atop the hill Baekhyun frequents and Chanyeol motioned for him to sit. Chanyeol didn’t let the silence drag out.
“Your village elders told me the basics about what you are, and the traditions. In all honesty, I’m quite curious about it. They wouldn’t elaborate too much on their beliefs, so I thought I’d look for you. Are you willing to answer my questions?”
Baekhyun simply stared at the other man, but eventually nodded his head. Something made him want to tell this man everything. Chanyeol flashed a toothy smile and reached out to lightly touch the Mark on Baekhyun’s face. He traced lightly over the intricate lines of black ink, starting from the corner of his eye down to his jawline.
“You can start by explaining this tattoo. A lot of villages I’ve passed by have something similar to your system, but this is the first that literally marks their tainted. Why is that?” He asked in a low voice that made Baekhyun shiver.
“I-it’s imbued with magic. The mystics mark us when we reach puberty in order to provide a channel for the darkness. It’s supposed to aid in purification.” While Baekhyun explained, Chanyeol’s lips would do this weird quirk, but he didn’t comment so Baekhyun ignored it.
“I see, that sounds impressive. Is it effective, do you think?” Chanyeol’s eyes had this mischievous glint, but he ignored that too.
“Well, after getting their mark, most individuals give way to their darkness enough to be purified. So yes, it is effective.”
“So then, are you the odd one out?” Chanyeol lilted, pressing fingers to his mark again before continuing.
“What if I told you that’s why I’m here? To help you reach purification more swiftly.”
Baekhyun sputtered at the statement, looking at the speaker incredulously. How was this freakishly tall, blabbering man supposed to help him? But then again, Chanyeol did say he was a Holy Man. And he also was able to see Baekhyun’s soul just like the mystics did. He was tainted and he needed help.
“Thank you,” Was what eventually left Baekhyun’s mouth. He smiled and looked back at the sunset, heart swelling with hope. Maybe finally, things could get better. Maybe this cruel life would finally come to an end.
He didn’t notice the faces Chanyeol made after that. He didn’t see the astonishment that melted into amusement and then pity. He was focused on the sunset and the future.
They saw each other nearly every day after that. Most of the time was spent talking, and at first Baekhyun had no idea how this was supposed to be accomplishing anything. All he got as an answer was a ‘trust me, I know what I’m doing’. And, well, Baekhyun decided to trust him. He found that he actually quite enjoyed talking to Chanyeol. He’s never really had anyone to talk to besides the other Marked, and those conversations were decidedly different. With Chanyeol, he didn’t talk about a shared misery or dwell on the impending day of purification. In fact, Chanyeol made it a point to talk about everything but that to do with the Marked. So Baekhyun shared his thoughts on beautiful sunsets and cool breezes. Chanyeol indulged him with stories about distant villages and towns and the rare city.
Nothing really started feeling significantly different until a few weeks later. Gradually, Baekhyun began to feel a vehement loathing towards the village. It was a feeling that would cripple his heart, one that burned brighter with every detestable villager he passed, with every slur thrown his way. All he wanted was to get away from it all and find Chanyeol, be with Chanyeol, talk to Chanyeol. No one mattered anymore besides windswept auburn hair and toothy smiles. He hated everything that wasn’t distinctly Chanyeol.
The realization that hatred was flourishing in his heart didn’t hit him until he snapped. He was in the middle market, simmering anger kept under wraps just long enough to get to that blessed hilltop. Someone or something stopped him, he can’t exactly remember what. But the next thing he knew, he was screaming at everyone around him. He screamed and screamed, kicking over nearby carts, vaguely registering that this was eerily similar to other Marked’s breakdowns. It’s when he caught sight of a shocked Chanyeol in the crowd that his voice finally broke. He felt tears cloud his vision before he was being pulled away by the man he’d come to adore.
They sat in silence, Baekhyun’s tears staining the other’s shoulder. It was so warm next to Chanyeol. Now that his head was clearing up and he felt rational again, he fully grasped what happened earlier. He was finally breaking down, letting the darkness crack through. He smiled gently, a breathy laugh escaping his lips.
“I don’t know how you did it. But you were right…” Baekhyun exhaled, closing his eyes against Chanyeol’s warmth.
“I told you to trust me. I know what I’m doing.”
Baekhyun didn’t catch the way Chanyeol’s voice wavered. He merely hummed in contentment.
“Thank you, Chanyeol…” He let himself drift off, warm and more content than he’d ever felt.
Chanyeol looked at the boy with pained eyes and gently brushed his hair away.
“Don’t thank me. Don’t you dare…” he whispered into the night, stars his only witness.
Baekhyun continued having breakdowns after that, more violent ones, with growing frequency. After a few weeks of this the elders finally converged and declared him fit for purification. It had been an obscenely powerful, stubborn evil, but at long last the poisoned spirit bore itself for the world. The village set to prepare for the weeklong festival that preceded every purification. Baekhyun watched the bustle from his lonely hilltop, smiling absurdly to himself. It’s about damn time.
He heard Chanyeol approach him from behind and shuffled over for the other to sit down. His heart swelled with gratitude for this man. Who knows how much longer Baekhyun would’ve had to suffer had he not come along and worked his magic.
“What’s all the excitement about down there?” He murmured in that beautifully deep voice.
“They are preparing. In a few days, a festival will take place. For an entire week, the village celebrates, the grand finale being my purification.” Baekhyun explained in a dreamy tone, missing Chanyeol’s discomfort.
“You know, I’ve been meaning to ask,” Baekhyun continued, “just what exactly did you do to me? How did you break me in just months’ time? I’ve been trying to reach this point for years Chanyeol.”
“I just,” he cleared his throat, “well, it’s a trade secret. Not just anyone can carry the title of Holy Man you know.” He joked dismally. Baekhyun chuckled regardless.
They sat in silence for a long while, watching the village work as the sun dipped lower beyond the horizon. Baekhyun loved watching sunsets with Chanyeol. It’s one thing he’s sure he’ll miss after all this. He leaned closer to the taller man, a sudden urgency for closeness creeping up. He just wanted to feel his warmth as much as possible. Time was ticking down now.
“Say, Baekhyun,” Chanyeol started as the sun disappeared, suddenly very serious. He paused after that and Baekhyun prodded him to continue. He turned to look the other in the eyes, fingers tracing his mark; it’s a habit Chanyeol had developed and neither was intent on breaking it.
“Baekhyun, are you in love with me?”
The world seemed to stop with those words. Chanyeol kept his face in place, not that Baekhyun even wanted to look away. He just stared incredulously into those deep brown eyes, seeing his reflection in their depths. He didn’t know how to answer that question. He’d never been in love before; no one had ever wanted his love before. Chanyeol sighed but didn’t move away.
“What if I told you I was in love with you?” He whispered into the smaller boy’s ear.
Baekhyun was baffled by the sudden tears that spilled from him at those words. His heart was aching in ways unknown and his breathing was becoming ragged. He felt himself breaking down, but in a way wholly different from the way he did in town. This was foreign and terrifying and he really wished Chanyeol would stop looking at him like that. All he could do was cry harder when Chanyeol pulled him into his chest. He just held him like that, under the warm stars, Baekhyun screaming and crying because this man was too much.
“I’m sorry, I’m sorry. It’s okay; this will all be over soon, okay? You don’t have to answer me yet.” Chanyeol murmured into his soft brown hair, doing his best to comfort the boy in his arms.
Baekhyun only cried that much harder.
∞
Chanyeol walked through the bustling middle market, watching villagers run to and fro with final preparations. Everyone was in such high spirits, the happiest he’d seen them since he first arrived. It was almost strange how lively the place was, how happy the people were, when he knew for a fact Baekhyun was crying in a corner somewhere. He made a face of utter disgust and walked away from the jovial square. Tonight would commence the weeklong Festival of Purity.
Just one more week, and then Baekhyun could be free.
To be honest, he’d never expected to fall in love with the boy. He’d dealt with countless individuals in the past, all sharing somewhat the same story as this kid. But Baekhyun, Baekhyun was different. When they were together, it didn’t feel like he was with a victim. The way he spoke and thought was so uniquely beautiful that Chanyeol had to remind himself what he was doing. He was trying to break him. Because he’d been too strong for the elders, the mystics, the village.
Chanyeol let out a long sigh.
It was people like Baekhyun that he hated working with the most. Because they were genuinely such good people, and it hurt a bit to watch them reach their breaking point. This time around, it had hurt a lot. When he’d first witnessed Baekhyun screaming in the streets, it took every ounce of self-restraint not to cry along with him. The sight of such a sweet boy finally losing it broke Chanyeol’s heart, and that’s when he realized he was in too deep this time.
Chanyeol had seen enough corruption in this world. He knew exactly how these villages functioned, how these hierarchies maintained stability. These “cultures” and “beliefs” and whatnot were built on nothing but lies. There was no ‘inner darkness’ or ‘dormant evil’ within certain people. It was all a giant hoax set by these so-called mystics in order to keep control of the people. It was psychological warfare: if you are told you are evil all your life, if you’re treated like an outcast and spit upon, then of course one day you’ll snap. No person would be able to stay calm and sane in such an environment. Then when that person has broken down enough, the mystics come along to “purify” their evil souls and poof! Now the village accepts the person with open arms and the mind is tricked into believing it was cured.
It was a sick, twisted game, but Chanyeol was damn good at playing it. He was just about as “holy” as the village mystics, but he knew more than anyone how to break people. That’s how he’s prospered in this profession for so long, why he’d been sent for in the first place. Because some old farts couldn’t induce a meltdown in some kid that held out five years past his expectancy. Baekhyun had been making the elders quite antsy, and Chanyeol could see why.
He was amazing, and it was no wonder Chanyeol fell for him.
He’d started his game with Baekhyun just as he had with any other client. It was simple really: become that person’s confidant, be the friend they’d never had, show them what kindness was. After showering them with hours of attention and acceptance, then forcing them back into the cruel reality of village life, their heart became overwhelmed. The greatest part of it all was that these poor souls couldn’t even tell they were being played for fools.
He’d never wanted to play Baekhyun like that.
He stopped walking at the edge of the village and looked up. A smile spread across his lips when he saw Baekhyun perched on the hillside they so often shared and he hurried to join him. He liked to tell himself that he wasn’t playing a game anymore, mainly because it was true. He’d stopped thinking of his sincerity as false a long time ago and invested all he was into Baekhyun. Not that the boy could tell the difference, but that’s not what mattered. What mattered was the fact that Chanyeol wasn’t going to break this kid and walk away. He fully intended to give him the option of love outside of this village. He’d take Baekhyun away and show him the world. He’d show him every town and village that existed in only his stories.
His heart swelled as he plopped down next to the boy, who didn’t hesitate in leaning against him. They watched the sunset together and then the stars. Music from the commencing festival reached them from below.
Baekhyun wore a sad smile as he watched the celebration and Chanyeol fought the urge to kiss it away. Instead, he reached up to trace the mark on Baekhyun’s cheek, the one that reminded him of stars and dreams.
It was going to be a long week, but he was willing to wait.
They were four days into the festival. Four horribly long days, and still three more remained. It was on the night of the fifth, while staring up at the stars on their hill, that Baekhyun suggested Chanyeol attend the festival. He frowned a little at the idea, quickly dismissing it. He wanted nothing to do with that dirty place, preferring to lie in the grass and watch the heavens. But Baekhyun wouldn’t relent, urging him to go at least for one night. He finally agreed when the idea of bringing back food was mentioned.
He walked through the festive streets, people laughing and dancing and singing to their gods. In the center of the festivities sat the elders and mystics, who waved him over upon catching his eyes. He sneered but obliged anyways. This place was nothing more than a swarm of swindlers and blind sheep, but he still had something to ask of them.
He sat among the other holy men, politely answering their mundane small talk as best he could. He sighed and zoned out when they began a discussion concerning renovations on the Holy House and temple expansions. His eyes automatically drifted to that hill in the distance, and he could vaguely make out Baekhyun’s silhouette. He decided now was a good a time as any and interrupted the dull conversation.
“Excuse the interruption my lords, but there is something I must ask before I take my leave.”
“But my good sir, you’ve only just gotten here!” One of the fatter men proclaimed with chortling laughter.
“Do ignore him young lord, I’m afraid the wine goes straight through him. Speak, ask your question.” Another replied and Chanyeol steeled himself.
“If it is not contradictory to any major custom, I would like to request that Baekhyun be left in my care after his purification. I’d very much like to take him along, as I’ve grown quite fond of his company.” Chanyeol didn’t disguise his sarcastic drawl on the word purification, just to be sure that the elders would drop their pretense in responding.
The group exchanged a number of glances, many shocked, some confused, and a few nervous. The one recognized as head mystic was the one to finally speak, although in a hesitant tone.
“No, young lord. There is no such custom forbidding his movements after purification. You may do what you will with him afterwards.” The others were slow to agree, but began nodding along nonetheless.
That was a good enough answer for him, and he quickly excused himself from the group. He understood that it might’ve been a strange request, but there was something in the elders’ reaction that unnerved him. He tried ignoring it long enough to find the food and began filling his plate with all of Baekhyun’s favorites. He was about to set off towards the hill when something caught his eye.
Right in the center of town, a few people were beginning to build a new structure of some sorts. Men hauled heavy wooden beams into place, creating an intricate design. Chanyeol walked slowly towards the scene, stopping short of entering the sight. He looked around and noticed a group of women also watching the construction unfold. He walked up to them with a smile, bowing his head in greeting.
“My lord, is there anything we can help you with?” One of the women asked, the others giggling shyly. Chanyeol fought the urge to gag and maintained his smile.
“Yes actually. I was wondering if any of you lovely ladies could tell me what is being built here. I’ve never seen such a structure.”
“Oh, my lord, it’s for the purification ceremony to take place on the seventh night.”
A cold pit began forming in Chanyeol’s gut and he fought the feeling as he continued talking.
“For the purification you say? How curious.”
“Why yes, good lord. Our village worships the deities of Fire and Purity. The ritual is very important to be executed correctly. Why, just look at the precision with which the men lay the pyre wood…”
Chanyeol never really heard what she said next, because his legs moved faster than his mind and carried him away from that accursed village. He ran with all his might to the top of that hill, reeling from the discovery. A bitter chill racked his body and he felt like vomiting. Tears stung his eyes and threatened to spill over, but he held them back. He needed to get to Baekhyun, and nothing was going to slow him down.
“Oh Chanyeol, you’re back! Did you bring me food-”
“Why didn’t you tell me?”
Chanyeol breathed the words as steadily as he could after all that running. Baekhyun held his gaze for a second before looking away.
“Baekhyun, why didn’t you tell me!” Chanyeol marched up to the smaller boy, yanking him up to look at him.
“Chanyeol, I don’t…I just…” he stuttered out dumbly, fighting against his grip weakly.
“Baekhyun, Baekhyun no.” Chanyeol sobbed, cupping the boy’s face so they were eye to eye.
Baekhyun smiled sadly, gently placing his own hands over Chanyeol’s.
“Chanyeol, I’m sorry.”
Chanyeol began to shake violently, and dropped to his knees, Baekhyun still in his grasp. He stared longingly at the other boy, into those chocolate brown eyes he fell so in love with. This wasn’t happening.
“Baekhyun, you can’t do this. You just can’t! Run away with me. I’m a Holy Man remember? I’ll have you purified in a different village. Hell, I’ll purify you myself! Just not here, not like this.” Chanyeol urged the other boy, smoothing his thumbs in comforting circles over his cheeks.
“But Chanyeol, I can’t leave. It doesn’t work like that and you know it.”
“But Baekhyun, they’re going to burn you. You can’t be okay with that, you just can’t.”
Baekhyun pulled out of his grasp and backed away, that same sad smile on his lips. Chanyeol finally understood it, finally grasped the depth in that smile.
“But Chanyeol, I am.”
Baekhyun had run away after that, and Chanyeol hadn’t the strength to chase him. He waited the next day atop their hill, ready to confront him. This would be the sixth night of celebration. Yesterday, he would’ve been glad to be nearing the end; now, he was desperate for just one more minute. He was ready to tell him everything, about all the lies and treachery that ran rampant in the world. Baekhyun would understand. He had to understand. Chanyeol would make him understand.
He finally showed up right at sunset, looking every bit as beautiful. Chanyeol’s stomach churned as he braced himself for what came next.
“Baekhyun, you need to leave with me. You can’t let them kill you like this.” Chanyeol’s voice is pleading and he finds hope in the way Baekhyun flinches.
“Chanyeol, they’re not killing me. I’m going to be purified, you know that.” Baekhyun whispered softly.
“What if I told you you’re wrong? That everything about this is a lie.” Chanyeol whispered intensely after a few moments. Baekhyun looked on in pure confusion, head shaking slowly.
“Everything, it’s all just one big lie Baekhyun. The mystics don’t have divine powers, I’m not really holy, and you, you are not evil.” He stared straight into the other’s eyes, willing him to feel his sincerity, his desperation. He needed to believe him.
“But…then how? How do you explain my outburst? And not just me, but every Marked before as well. Chanyeol, we are wicked people…”
“No, no, Baekhyun you’re not. And they weren’t either. It’s a game, it’s all just one big game. Of course you’d break down eventually. You were treated like dirt your entire life, constantly being told of your evil and wickedness. You weren’t given love or kindness. No one wanted yours either. That would poison anyone’s soul! Anyone and everyone would break under that kind of pressure! Baekhyun, Baekhyun open your eyes. Believe me, please believe me Baekhyun. Don’t die for a lie!”
Chanyeol cried out desperately, spilling every trick and secret he knew of. He ranted and raved, trying desperately to make the other understand. But they were falling on deaf ears. He was wearing that same sad smile and this time, Chanyeol really did lean forward to kiss it away. But it wouldn’t disappear. No matter how many times he pressed forward, that same smile would linger. He felt tears slip down his face as he continued pleading. All he got were teary eyes and that same sad smile.
“Chanyeol, I can’t leave…”
He’d never hated himself more than he did at that moment. Because he had done his job too well.
Chanyeol had truly broken him.
They sat atop that hillside, watching the heavens in silence for the longest time. Baekhyun was resigned to his fate. Chanyeol felt nothing short of numb. But they were together, at least for the moment, and neither was willing to walk away first. It was long past midnight and the party below was beginning to quiet. In the encroaching stillness, the sound of their heartbeats was almost overwhelming. Chanyeol looked over at the petite boy showered in starlight and let out a shaky breath.
He wasn’t going to waste these last moments in misery.
“Baekhyun,” he croaked a minute later, clearing his throat.
“Baekhyun, let me hold you.” He opened his legs and patted the grass between them.
Baekhyun hesitated for a moment, biting his lower lip, and then obliged the request, fitting against Chanyeol’s chest perfectly. He wrapped his arms around the boy and they continued to watch the stars. Chanyeol ignored the small tremors that wracked Baekhyun’s body. Baekhyun ignored the warm tears that fell on his shoulders from behind. But they both couldn’t ignore the feeling this isn’t enough.
“Chanyeol, let me tell you a story.” Baekhyun whispered after a while.
Chanyeol nodded with as much vigor as he could muster. Telling stories had been their favorite pastime, Chanyeol speaking of faraway towns he’d visited, Baekhyun breathing life into dreams and fantasies. He loved hearing Baekhyun’s stories.
“There once lived a young boy. For as long as he could remember, the boy had been so very lonely. His parents had never loved him like they should’ve. He was never good at making friends. Most of the other village children liked teasing him more than anything else. The boy grew up with an emptiness inside, and one day chose to leave his village.”
Baekhyun paused when Chanyeol buried his face in his hair. He prodded him to continue, and Baekhyun did his best to ignore the new tears cooling his scalp.
“The boy had a chance to start over. He traveled between villages, performing a noble job, and earned respect among many. The boy made it his duty to love others. He wanted the ones hurting the most to feel happiness; he wanted to make them all feel special. The boy lived like this for a long time, but he never was able to fill the emptiness inside.”
Baekhyun drifted off in thought again. Chanyeol lifted his face and rested it on the boy’s shoulder, now free of tears. His eyes spoke a silent ‘go on’ and he obliged after a deep breath.
“One day, the boy entered a new village. He was here to love the unlovable, to help the unworthy, just as he always had. But for some reason, there was something off this time around. The boy found this undesirable to be different, and before he knew it, something genuine began to bloom in his heart. At some point, the boy thought to himself ‘oh, so this is love’. He had found someone that not only he found special, but that found him special in return as well. The boy placed his new found love into that empty slot in his heart. It fit so perfectly.”
Baekhyun cut off in a near whisper and Chanyeol could hear the blood in his ears. He closed his eyes tight, willing his tears not to fall as he listened to Baekhyun. He hadn’t realized how easily this boy had seen through him. Baekhyun continued after clearing his throat, much stronger this time.
“But one day, the boy found out that his beloved was going to be taken away. He tried to fight it, but it was useless. Because his beloved was too weak to fight back alongside him. His beloved let him go, and the boy’s heart was broken.”
“I don’t like this story Baekhyun.” Chanyeol tightened his hold on the boy in front of him. Baekhyun gently laid back further into his chest, locking eyes with the other boy. He reached up to run his fingers through those soft curls and smiled softly.
“Shush, I’m not finished yet.” He closed his eyes as Chanyeol sighed and continued his story.
“The boy left the village shortly after. He stopped working as usual and wallowed in heartbreak for a while. But, but he couldn’t mourn forever. The boy had to learn to move on and heal himself.”
Baekhyun felt tears wet his scalp again and twisted in Chanyeol’s arms to face him.
“Yes, the boy had to get better. He had to continue living and find joy in it once more. Because he knew that that’s what his beloved would’ve wanted for him.”
Baekhyun gently placed his hands over Chanyeol’s cheeks, catching his tears
as he continued.
“His beloved wouldn’t want the boy to suffer anymore. His beloved wouldn’t want the boy to shed so many tears. So the boy learned to love again and continued living a happy existence.”
Chanyeol buried his face in Baekhyun’s chest, muffling his sobs. Baekhyun ran his fingers soothingly through his curls, murmuring ’shush, it’s okay, I’m not done yet’. He ignored the tears that spilled from his own eyes. ‘I’m not done yet’.
“The boy was outside one night, watching the stars like he did so often in the past. As he gazed at the heavens, he remembered his beloved, and the happiness they had shared together. All of a sudden, he heard the whisper of a voice and looked up. The boy learned that night that his beloved was never truly gone. His beloved was at home among the stars, where he could forever look down and keep watch over the fragile boy he had loved.”
Chanyeol stared up at Baekhyun, haloed by starlight and smiling the most radiant smile he’d ever seen. Chanyeol reached up to wipe at the tears flowing silently from the boy’s eyes and gave a grin of his own.
“And then what happened?”
Baekhyun let out a laugh like wind chimes.
“The boy lived the rest of his life to the fullest. He traveled far and wide, spreading his happiness like a virus. At night he’d take comfort in the stars, wrapping himself in the warmth of his beloved. And then, at a ripe old age, the boy felt his own life slip away. He passed peacefully in his sleep, and awoke in his beloved’s embrace. Together, they will shine upon the land forevermore.”
Baekhyun pressed his face closer to Chanyeol’s, placing a lingering kiss on quivering lips.
“In the heavens, they lived happily ever after.”
∞
Baekhyun hadn’t specified in the story whether the boy had stayed to watch his beloved burn. Chanyeol took it as a silent permission to leave beforehand. He ignored it.
He watched the fire build and consume from his lonely spot atop the hill. The women had been right about the builders having precision. From up here, he could see with chilling clarity as the fire traveled along the wooden beams from multiple directions, all converging on the center in perfect synchronization. The fire was in the shape of a giant star, identical to the mark on Baekhyun’s face.
He watched the flames all night long. He sat rooted to the ground, even as the smoke clouded his visions. Even as the village dispersed. He didn’t move until the last ember flickered into darkness.
Baekhyun hadn’t screamed once.
The sun peeked over the horizon, signaling a new day. Chanyeol stood up slowly, stretching his stiff muscles. He stared at the necklace clutched in his hand, a parting gift, and carefully tied it around his neck. He let his eyes linger on the charred pyre a few moments longer.
Chanyeol bid the village a forever farewell and began his trek.
He had a story to follow.
He had a star to find.
Rating: PG
Word Count: 7,111
Summary: He's Marked; impure and vile. And he's Holy; still just as corrupt, if not more.
FIRE THAT REFINES
Baekhyun hurried down the village’s main road, head hung, eyes memorizing every cracking cobblestone. The sight of dirt and stone was all too familiar by now, but he wouldn’t dare look up. It wasn’t his place to do so. However, it was his place to step aside for every living creature, to accept every snide sneer and hushed curse. It was expected for him to keep his head lowered as a woman shrieked when he walked too closely by her stand. It was his duty to perform thankless errands and chores.
Baekhyun was one of the Marked, and he accepted everything that came with it.
Whenever a child was born, it would be handed over to the village mystics before even its own mother. After long lasting chants and prayers, the mystics would emerge and announce the results of the purity test.
His hand reached up to thoughtlessly trace over the raised skin on the right side of his face. Baekhyun hadn’t passed the test and received his mark at the beginning of puberty.
He can recall that the pain had been excruciating and vaguely remembers questioning why the elders waited so long to literally “mark” them. At least if it had been done during early childhood, there would be the hope of forgetting what it felt like. But even now, Baekhyun can still remember the agony, can still feel it wet with blood and ink and tears. It was one of the things that still hurt as one of the Marked.
After twenty long years, one accepted their place among the Marked. One learned to understand their purpose for damnation, and really couldn’t blame anyone else. No one could be blamed for not loving him. There was no fault in harboring malice and disgust towards him. He’d stopped looking for acceptance, stopped looking for love long ago. No one would love him and he could love no one, for who would want something so dirty? Baekhyun had been searched at birth and his soul was wrought with a darkness unseen by the average eye. The elders had deemed him soiled, unclean, and as of late it was becoming apparent that they were right.
He’d held out longer than most actually, the majority of the Marked giving way to inner darkness normally in their fifteenth year. Baekhyun envied them. They had been able to undergo purification only that much sooner. He was being forced to suffer as an outcast only that much longer. The longer a Marked lasted, the greater their darkness was; the elders noted that it stayed hidden, fearing purification.
As a child, Baekhyun couldn’t understand why he’d been marked. There was no “inner darkness” he knew of, no dire need to destroy or curse deep within. But the mystics’ conclusion is always final for a reason. Day by day, Baekhyun felt himself sinking more and more. For once in his life, he felt he could fully understand their words. His eyes were growing dim, his heart becoming weary. His tongue urged to spill slander and his mind cursed every villager. Yes, he could finally feel the dormant evil awakening. And he was just about ready to accept it graciously.
Finally reaching the end of the road, Baekhyun looked back at his village. He could see everything from atop this hill, from the middle market to the Holy House to the residential quarters. He came to this vantage point frequently and can recall how he used to look at the small village with sadness and longing. Now he felt a slow simmering hatred instead and smiled sardonically. Just another result of his true wickedness.
He sighed and continued into the surrounding forest. This was his place of solace, the furthest away he’d allow himself to be from the village. The Marked wouldn’t dare leave the village to escape their fate. If they did, who else would purify them when the time came? Baekhyun would go back, just as he always did.
He crept further into the forest, reveling in the peace and quiet. This was the one place that could still calm him, that could still distract him from his changing heart. He proceeded forward in a blissful daze, aware of only the cool breeze and singing birds.
Until he tripped and landed on something incredibly soft and warm.
Something that groaned groggily in response.
Baekhyun’s eyes widened as he scrambled onto his feet, thoroughly shocked to find someone else out here. It was covered in fallen leaves and disguised by foliage, but there was no doubting that there was indeed a man lying on the ground. The stranger seemed to be sleeping, despite being landed on earlier and Baekhyun stood frozen in place. He wasn’t entirely sure what to do, never having met someone from outside the village. After a few minutes, he settled for kneeling down to at least make sure the man was okay; it wasn’t normal to be sleeping soundly after so much commotion.
He gingerly pulled back the man’s hood to reveal a mess of light auburn curls. He bit his lip and hesitantly reached out to sweep them back. The Marked never touched people if it could be avoided, and even just the skim of fingertips to forehead sent Baekhyun reeling. It was so warm. Almost abnormally so. He furrowed his brow and brazenly pressed his wrist to the man’s forehead again. He definitely had a fever.
Abandoning formalities, Baekhyun scooped up the man’s face, which upon closer inspection didn’t look much older than his own. He began to prod him lightly, chanting words of ‘can you hear me?’ and ‘sir please wake up’. Eventually, the man responded with a groan, eyes fluttering open. Those eyes, although glossy with fatigue, focused on Baekhyun’s face with intent. His breath hitched when the man smiled weakly, but oh so beautifully at him.
And then the illusion was shattered.
“What a tainted soul you are.” The stranger rumbled in a deep voice.
Baekhyun had half a mind to leave him there. It’s not like anyone would want his help anyways.
But then the man groaned in pain, eyes closing once more, and Baekhyun felt a strange spark in his heart. This man needed him. He reached out tentatively to brush those auburn curls away and asked dryly.
“Do you wish for this tainted soul to help you, good sir?”
To Baekhyun’s surprise, the man smiled wryly and laughed breathily. His eyes opened and turned pleadingly towards him.
“Help would be very much welcome…?”
He blinked in shock before stuttering a response.
“My name is Baekhyun, good sir.”
A deep laugh resounded once more.
“And mine is Chanyeol, not good sir.”
Their conversation ended there because Chanyeol coughed a fit before falling unconscious again. He struggled quite a bit, but Baekhyun finally succeeded in dragging the disgustingly tall individual back to the village. He obviously didn’t think things through because upon reaching the town, no one seemed too willing to come forward and help, and it wasn’t Baekhyun’s place to ask for it. He was spared a difficult situation when an elder healer happened by the scene and quickly relieved him of the feverish traveler.
Baekhyun watched Chanyeol get carried away before lowering his head and retreating to his own quarters. He mused over the man’s smiles and laughter for a while, how he’d looked so kindly at such a “tainted soul”. He supposed people would accept help from even the Marked if they were desperate enough. He willed that small spark in his chest to fade away. It wouldn’t listen. That night he dreamt of auburn curls and rumbling laughter.
Baekhyun awoke early, just as he always did, but chose to lie in bed for several hours. It was getting harder every day to muster the will to get up. His mind traveled over trivial topics, things like ‘what am I going to eat’ and ‘I wonder if I’ll snap today’. Then he thought of that man with the auburn curls, the one he’d salvaged from the forest nearly a week ago. ‘I wonder if Chanyeol is okay’. He found the will to get up at last.
Washed and dressed he embarked into society, ready for what may come. All he needed was to bear it long enough to find that road. Bear it until he was taken far away from piercing stares and bitter murmurs. He was halfway through the village, halfway through the melee when an awfully familiar voice thundered from behind.
“Baekhyun!”
He froze dead in his tracks.
The world stopped moving and didn’t start again until he felt a warmth fill his shoulder. When he looked, a large hand was in fact perched on his left and he glanced up to find none other than Chanyeol. He was all smiles, perfect white teeth and glittering eyes, face haloed by curls that shone gold in the sun. The warmth from his shoulder flooded his face and he moved to hang his head, remembering his place.
Chanyeol seemed to pout, a little put off by the lack of reciprocated enthusiasm. It’s not like Baekhyun wasn’t happy to see the man was well, he was just confused more than anything. No one greets the Marked, especially not by their names. It made his heart do this little dive into his gut, and all he could manage was a slight bow to the other. As soon as Chanyeol dropped his grip on his shoulder, he scurried off, still bound for his forest. What he didn’t expect was for Chanyeol to follow him. He just kept walking, trying to ignore the towering presence by him for a lack of anything better to do.
“Aren’t you going to ask me how I’m doing?” Chanyeol grumbled after a few moments. Baekhyun tripped over his own feet in response.
“I, uh, how is your health faring, good sir.” Baekhyun muttered, not really a question.
“Wonderfully, thank you for asking.” Chanyeol beamed, flashing a breathtaking smile. Not that Baekhyun was looking, for that would be inappropriate.
Chanyeol wouldn’t stop talking to him. He kept following him, blabbering on about whatever came to mind. Baekhyun honestly didn’t know what to do with this bizarre turn of events. Yes, he admits he had wanted to see the man he helped not long ago. And yes, he was relieved to see him doing fine. But Baekhyun had attributed the man’s relative kindness towards him as naivety. He wasn’t from around here, so he wouldn’t know their customs.
But by now, he should’ve caught on to the way things worked. He shouldn’t be here, seeking out the company of a Marked. He wanted Chanyeol to leave, just leave him alone and stop putting him in a difficult position. But he couldn’t very well just tell him to get lost, that was too audacious for one of his kind. Or was it? Why should he even care at this point?
“Shut up. Stop talking to me already. Are you an idiot or something?” Baekhyun seethed, words falling unexpectedly harsh from his lips. What was even more unexpected was Chanyeol’s reaction. He reached out and cupped his chin firmly, looking straight into his eyes while smirking.
“Ah, there are those eyes I remember so clearly. Are all of the Marked eyes so empty?” There was something in Chanyeol’s voice, in the way he looked straight into his soul that made Baekhyun’s blood run cold.
“Who are you?” He managed to breathe out after Chanyeol finally released him. The tall man walked away and motioned for Baekhyun to follow.
“I’m a traveling Holy Man of sorts.” Chanyeol answered after a while.
Baekhyun froze up behind him.
Well that was a surprise.
Chanyeol turned around when he realized Baekhyun had stopped following him. When he reached out, Baekhyun flinched away instinctively, evoking a loud sigh from the man.
“I said I was a Holy Man, not the boogie man. Although, they’re probably one and the same for your kind, huh?” Chanyeol reached out again and this time managed to get a hold of Baekhyun’s arm.
“Honestly, I’m not going to hurt you. I just want to talk. I know what you are and it is okay for you to be with me. You have my blessing.” Chanyeol seemed to snort a bit at his own words, but meant them nonetheless. Baekhyun just let himself be dragged away and out of the village, truly at a loss for words.
They stopped atop the hill Baekhyun frequents and Chanyeol motioned for him to sit. Chanyeol didn’t let the silence drag out.
“Your village elders told me the basics about what you are, and the traditions. In all honesty, I’m quite curious about it. They wouldn’t elaborate too much on their beliefs, so I thought I’d look for you. Are you willing to answer my questions?”
Baekhyun simply stared at the other man, but eventually nodded his head. Something made him want to tell this man everything. Chanyeol flashed a toothy smile and reached out to lightly touch the Mark on Baekhyun’s face. He traced lightly over the intricate lines of black ink, starting from the corner of his eye down to his jawline.
“You can start by explaining this tattoo. A lot of villages I’ve passed by have something similar to your system, but this is the first that literally marks their tainted. Why is that?” He asked in a low voice that made Baekhyun shiver.
“I-it’s imbued with magic. The mystics mark us when we reach puberty in order to provide a channel for the darkness. It’s supposed to aid in purification.” While Baekhyun explained, Chanyeol’s lips would do this weird quirk, but he didn’t comment so Baekhyun ignored it.
“I see, that sounds impressive. Is it effective, do you think?” Chanyeol’s eyes had this mischievous glint, but he ignored that too.
“Well, after getting their mark, most individuals give way to their darkness enough to be purified. So yes, it is effective.”
“So then, are you the odd one out?” Chanyeol lilted, pressing fingers to his mark again before continuing.
“What if I told you that’s why I’m here? To help you reach purification more swiftly.”
Baekhyun sputtered at the statement, looking at the speaker incredulously. How was this freakishly tall, blabbering man supposed to help him? But then again, Chanyeol did say he was a Holy Man. And he also was able to see Baekhyun’s soul just like the mystics did. He was tainted and he needed help.
“Thank you,” Was what eventually left Baekhyun’s mouth. He smiled and looked back at the sunset, heart swelling with hope. Maybe finally, things could get better. Maybe this cruel life would finally come to an end.
He didn’t notice the faces Chanyeol made after that. He didn’t see the astonishment that melted into amusement and then pity. He was focused on the sunset and the future.
They saw each other nearly every day after that. Most of the time was spent talking, and at first Baekhyun had no idea how this was supposed to be accomplishing anything. All he got as an answer was a ‘trust me, I know what I’m doing’. And, well, Baekhyun decided to trust him. He found that he actually quite enjoyed talking to Chanyeol. He’s never really had anyone to talk to besides the other Marked, and those conversations were decidedly different. With Chanyeol, he didn’t talk about a shared misery or dwell on the impending day of purification. In fact, Chanyeol made it a point to talk about everything but that to do with the Marked. So Baekhyun shared his thoughts on beautiful sunsets and cool breezes. Chanyeol indulged him with stories about distant villages and towns and the rare city.
Nothing really started feeling significantly different until a few weeks later. Gradually, Baekhyun began to feel a vehement loathing towards the village. It was a feeling that would cripple his heart, one that burned brighter with every detestable villager he passed, with every slur thrown his way. All he wanted was to get away from it all and find Chanyeol, be with Chanyeol, talk to Chanyeol. No one mattered anymore besides windswept auburn hair and toothy smiles. He hated everything that wasn’t distinctly Chanyeol.
The realization that hatred was flourishing in his heart didn’t hit him until he snapped. He was in the middle market, simmering anger kept under wraps just long enough to get to that blessed hilltop. Someone or something stopped him, he can’t exactly remember what. But the next thing he knew, he was screaming at everyone around him. He screamed and screamed, kicking over nearby carts, vaguely registering that this was eerily similar to other Marked’s breakdowns. It’s when he caught sight of a shocked Chanyeol in the crowd that his voice finally broke. He felt tears cloud his vision before he was being pulled away by the man he’d come to adore.
They sat in silence, Baekhyun’s tears staining the other’s shoulder. It was so warm next to Chanyeol. Now that his head was clearing up and he felt rational again, he fully grasped what happened earlier. He was finally breaking down, letting the darkness crack through. He smiled gently, a breathy laugh escaping his lips.
“I don’t know how you did it. But you were right…” Baekhyun exhaled, closing his eyes against Chanyeol’s warmth.
“I told you to trust me. I know what I’m doing.”
Baekhyun didn’t catch the way Chanyeol’s voice wavered. He merely hummed in contentment.
“Thank you, Chanyeol…” He let himself drift off, warm and more content than he’d ever felt.
Chanyeol looked at the boy with pained eyes and gently brushed his hair away.
“Don’t thank me. Don’t you dare…” he whispered into the night, stars his only witness.
Baekhyun continued having breakdowns after that, more violent ones, with growing frequency. After a few weeks of this the elders finally converged and declared him fit for purification. It had been an obscenely powerful, stubborn evil, but at long last the poisoned spirit bore itself for the world. The village set to prepare for the weeklong festival that preceded every purification. Baekhyun watched the bustle from his lonely hilltop, smiling absurdly to himself. It’s about damn time.
He heard Chanyeol approach him from behind and shuffled over for the other to sit down. His heart swelled with gratitude for this man. Who knows how much longer Baekhyun would’ve had to suffer had he not come along and worked his magic.
“What’s all the excitement about down there?” He murmured in that beautifully deep voice.
“They are preparing. In a few days, a festival will take place. For an entire week, the village celebrates, the grand finale being my purification.” Baekhyun explained in a dreamy tone, missing Chanyeol’s discomfort.
“You know, I’ve been meaning to ask,” Baekhyun continued, “just what exactly did you do to me? How did you break me in just months’ time? I’ve been trying to reach this point for years Chanyeol.”
“I just,” he cleared his throat, “well, it’s a trade secret. Not just anyone can carry the title of Holy Man you know.” He joked dismally. Baekhyun chuckled regardless.
They sat in silence for a long while, watching the village work as the sun dipped lower beyond the horizon. Baekhyun loved watching sunsets with Chanyeol. It’s one thing he’s sure he’ll miss after all this. He leaned closer to the taller man, a sudden urgency for closeness creeping up. He just wanted to feel his warmth as much as possible. Time was ticking down now.
“Say, Baekhyun,” Chanyeol started as the sun disappeared, suddenly very serious. He paused after that and Baekhyun prodded him to continue. He turned to look the other in the eyes, fingers tracing his mark; it’s a habit Chanyeol had developed and neither was intent on breaking it.
“Baekhyun, are you in love with me?”
The world seemed to stop with those words. Chanyeol kept his face in place, not that Baekhyun even wanted to look away. He just stared incredulously into those deep brown eyes, seeing his reflection in their depths. He didn’t know how to answer that question. He’d never been in love before; no one had ever wanted his love before. Chanyeol sighed but didn’t move away.
“What if I told you I was in love with you?” He whispered into the smaller boy’s ear.
Baekhyun was baffled by the sudden tears that spilled from him at those words. His heart was aching in ways unknown and his breathing was becoming ragged. He felt himself breaking down, but in a way wholly different from the way he did in town. This was foreign and terrifying and he really wished Chanyeol would stop looking at him like that. All he could do was cry harder when Chanyeol pulled him into his chest. He just held him like that, under the warm stars, Baekhyun screaming and crying because this man was too much.
“I’m sorry, I’m sorry. It’s okay; this will all be over soon, okay? You don’t have to answer me yet.” Chanyeol murmured into his soft brown hair, doing his best to comfort the boy in his arms.
Baekhyun only cried that much harder.
∞
Chanyeol walked through the bustling middle market, watching villagers run to and fro with final preparations. Everyone was in such high spirits, the happiest he’d seen them since he first arrived. It was almost strange how lively the place was, how happy the people were, when he knew for a fact Baekhyun was crying in a corner somewhere. He made a face of utter disgust and walked away from the jovial square. Tonight would commence the weeklong Festival of Purity.
Just one more week, and then Baekhyun could be free.
To be honest, he’d never expected to fall in love with the boy. He’d dealt with countless individuals in the past, all sharing somewhat the same story as this kid. But Baekhyun, Baekhyun was different. When they were together, it didn’t feel like he was with a victim. The way he spoke and thought was so uniquely beautiful that Chanyeol had to remind himself what he was doing. He was trying to break him. Because he’d been too strong for the elders, the mystics, the village.
Chanyeol let out a long sigh.
It was people like Baekhyun that he hated working with the most. Because they were genuinely such good people, and it hurt a bit to watch them reach their breaking point. This time around, it had hurt a lot. When he’d first witnessed Baekhyun screaming in the streets, it took every ounce of self-restraint not to cry along with him. The sight of such a sweet boy finally losing it broke Chanyeol’s heart, and that’s when he realized he was in too deep this time.
Chanyeol had seen enough corruption in this world. He knew exactly how these villages functioned, how these hierarchies maintained stability. These “cultures” and “beliefs” and whatnot were built on nothing but lies. There was no ‘inner darkness’ or ‘dormant evil’ within certain people. It was all a giant hoax set by these so-called mystics in order to keep control of the people. It was psychological warfare: if you are told you are evil all your life, if you’re treated like an outcast and spit upon, then of course one day you’ll snap. No person would be able to stay calm and sane in such an environment. Then when that person has broken down enough, the mystics come along to “purify” their evil souls and poof! Now the village accepts the person with open arms and the mind is tricked into believing it was cured.
It was a sick, twisted game, but Chanyeol was damn good at playing it. He was just about as “holy” as the village mystics, but he knew more than anyone how to break people. That’s how he’s prospered in this profession for so long, why he’d been sent for in the first place. Because some old farts couldn’t induce a meltdown in some kid that held out five years past his expectancy. Baekhyun had been making the elders quite antsy, and Chanyeol could see why.
He was amazing, and it was no wonder Chanyeol fell for him.
He’d started his game with Baekhyun just as he had with any other client. It was simple really: become that person’s confidant, be the friend they’d never had, show them what kindness was. After showering them with hours of attention and acceptance, then forcing them back into the cruel reality of village life, their heart became overwhelmed. The greatest part of it all was that these poor souls couldn’t even tell they were being played for fools.
He’d never wanted to play Baekhyun like that.
He stopped walking at the edge of the village and looked up. A smile spread across his lips when he saw Baekhyun perched on the hillside they so often shared and he hurried to join him. He liked to tell himself that he wasn’t playing a game anymore, mainly because it was true. He’d stopped thinking of his sincerity as false a long time ago and invested all he was into Baekhyun. Not that the boy could tell the difference, but that’s not what mattered. What mattered was the fact that Chanyeol wasn’t going to break this kid and walk away. He fully intended to give him the option of love outside of this village. He’d take Baekhyun away and show him the world. He’d show him every town and village that existed in only his stories.
His heart swelled as he plopped down next to the boy, who didn’t hesitate in leaning against him. They watched the sunset together and then the stars. Music from the commencing festival reached them from below.
Baekhyun wore a sad smile as he watched the celebration and Chanyeol fought the urge to kiss it away. Instead, he reached up to trace the mark on Baekhyun’s cheek, the one that reminded him of stars and dreams.
It was going to be a long week, but he was willing to wait.
They were four days into the festival. Four horribly long days, and still three more remained. It was on the night of the fifth, while staring up at the stars on their hill, that Baekhyun suggested Chanyeol attend the festival. He frowned a little at the idea, quickly dismissing it. He wanted nothing to do with that dirty place, preferring to lie in the grass and watch the heavens. But Baekhyun wouldn’t relent, urging him to go at least for one night. He finally agreed when the idea of bringing back food was mentioned.
He walked through the festive streets, people laughing and dancing and singing to their gods. In the center of the festivities sat the elders and mystics, who waved him over upon catching his eyes. He sneered but obliged anyways. This place was nothing more than a swarm of swindlers and blind sheep, but he still had something to ask of them.
He sat among the other holy men, politely answering their mundane small talk as best he could. He sighed and zoned out when they began a discussion concerning renovations on the Holy House and temple expansions. His eyes automatically drifted to that hill in the distance, and he could vaguely make out Baekhyun’s silhouette. He decided now was a good a time as any and interrupted the dull conversation.
“Excuse the interruption my lords, but there is something I must ask before I take my leave.”
“But my good sir, you’ve only just gotten here!” One of the fatter men proclaimed with chortling laughter.
“Do ignore him young lord, I’m afraid the wine goes straight through him. Speak, ask your question.” Another replied and Chanyeol steeled himself.
“If it is not contradictory to any major custom, I would like to request that Baekhyun be left in my care after his purification. I’d very much like to take him along, as I’ve grown quite fond of his company.” Chanyeol didn’t disguise his sarcastic drawl on the word purification, just to be sure that the elders would drop their pretense in responding.
The group exchanged a number of glances, many shocked, some confused, and a few nervous. The one recognized as head mystic was the one to finally speak, although in a hesitant tone.
“No, young lord. There is no such custom forbidding his movements after purification. You may do what you will with him afterwards.” The others were slow to agree, but began nodding along nonetheless.
That was a good enough answer for him, and he quickly excused himself from the group. He understood that it might’ve been a strange request, but there was something in the elders’ reaction that unnerved him. He tried ignoring it long enough to find the food and began filling his plate with all of Baekhyun’s favorites. He was about to set off towards the hill when something caught his eye.
Right in the center of town, a few people were beginning to build a new structure of some sorts. Men hauled heavy wooden beams into place, creating an intricate design. Chanyeol walked slowly towards the scene, stopping short of entering the sight. He looked around and noticed a group of women also watching the construction unfold. He walked up to them with a smile, bowing his head in greeting.
“My lord, is there anything we can help you with?” One of the women asked, the others giggling shyly. Chanyeol fought the urge to gag and maintained his smile.
“Yes actually. I was wondering if any of you lovely ladies could tell me what is being built here. I’ve never seen such a structure.”
“Oh, my lord, it’s for the purification ceremony to take place on the seventh night.”
A cold pit began forming in Chanyeol’s gut and he fought the feeling as he continued talking.
“For the purification you say? How curious.”
“Why yes, good lord. Our village worships the deities of Fire and Purity. The ritual is very important to be executed correctly. Why, just look at the precision with which the men lay the pyre wood…”
Chanyeol never really heard what she said next, because his legs moved faster than his mind and carried him away from that accursed village. He ran with all his might to the top of that hill, reeling from the discovery. A bitter chill racked his body and he felt like vomiting. Tears stung his eyes and threatened to spill over, but he held them back. He needed to get to Baekhyun, and nothing was going to slow him down.
“Oh Chanyeol, you’re back! Did you bring me food-”
“Why didn’t you tell me?”
Chanyeol breathed the words as steadily as he could after all that running. Baekhyun held his gaze for a second before looking away.
“Baekhyun, why didn’t you tell me!” Chanyeol marched up to the smaller boy, yanking him up to look at him.
“Chanyeol, I don’t…I just…” he stuttered out dumbly, fighting against his grip weakly.
“Baekhyun, Baekhyun no.” Chanyeol sobbed, cupping the boy’s face so they were eye to eye.
Baekhyun smiled sadly, gently placing his own hands over Chanyeol’s.
“Chanyeol, I’m sorry.”
Chanyeol began to shake violently, and dropped to his knees, Baekhyun still in his grasp. He stared longingly at the other boy, into those chocolate brown eyes he fell so in love with. This wasn’t happening.
“Baekhyun, you can’t do this. You just can’t! Run away with me. I’m a Holy Man remember? I’ll have you purified in a different village. Hell, I’ll purify you myself! Just not here, not like this.” Chanyeol urged the other boy, smoothing his thumbs in comforting circles over his cheeks.
“But Chanyeol, I can’t leave. It doesn’t work like that and you know it.”
“But Baekhyun, they’re going to burn you. You can’t be okay with that, you just can’t.”
Baekhyun pulled out of his grasp and backed away, that same sad smile on his lips. Chanyeol finally understood it, finally grasped the depth in that smile.
“But Chanyeol, I am.”
Baekhyun had run away after that, and Chanyeol hadn’t the strength to chase him. He waited the next day atop their hill, ready to confront him. This would be the sixth night of celebration. Yesterday, he would’ve been glad to be nearing the end; now, he was desperate for just one more minute. He was ready to tell him everything, about all the lies and treachery that ran rampant in the world. Baekhyun would understand. He had to understand. Chanyeol would make him understand.
He finally showed up right at sunset, looking every bit as beautiful. Chanyeol’s stomach churned as he braced himself for what came next.
“Baekhyun, you need to leave with me. You can’t let them kill you like this.” Chanyeol’s voice is pleading and he finds hope in the way Baekhyun flinches.
“Chanyeol, they’re not killing me. I’m going to be purified, you know that.” Baekhyun whispered softly.
“What if I told you you’re wrong? That everything about this is a lie.” Chanyeol whispered intensely after a few moments. Baekhyun looked on in pure confusion, head shaking slowly.
“Everything, it’s all just one big lie Baekhyun. The mystics don’t have divine powers, I’m not really holy, and you, you are not evil.” He stared straight into the other’s eyes, willing him to feel his sincerity, his desperation. He needed to believe him.
“But…then how? How do you explain my outburst? And not just me, but every Marked before as well. Chanyeol, we are wicked people…”
“No, no, Baekhyun you’re not. And they weren’t either. It’s a game, it’s all just one big game. Of course you’d break down eventually. You were treated like dirt your entire life, constantly being told of your evil and wickedness. You weren’t given love or kindness. No one wanted yours either. That would poison anyone’s soul! Anyone and everyone would break under that kind of pressure! Baekhyun, Baekhyun open your eyes. Believe me, please believe me Baekhyun. Don’t die for a lie!”
Chanyeol cried out desperately, spilling every trick and secret he knew of. He ranted and raved, trying desperately to make the other understand. But they were falling on deaf ears. He was wearing that same sad smile and this time, Chanyeol really did lean forward to kiss it away. But it wouldn’t disappear. No matter how many times he pressed forward, that same smile would linger. He felt tears slip down his face as he continued pleading. All he got were teary eyes and that same sad smile.
“Chanyeol, I can’t leave…”
He’d never hated himself more than he did at that moment. Because he had done his job too well.
Chanyeol had truly broken him.
They sat atop that hillside, watching the heavens in silence for the longest time. Baekhyun was resigned to his fate. Chanyeol felt nothing short of numb. But they were together, at least for the moment, and neither was willing to walk away first. It was long past midnight and the party below was beginning to quiet. In the encroaching stillness, the sound of their heartbeats was almost overwhelming. Chanyeol looked over at the petite boy showered in starlight and let out a shaky breath.
He wasn’t going to waste these last moments in misery.
“Baekhyun,” he croaked a minute later, clearing his throat.
“Baekhyun, let me hold you.” He opened his legs and patted the grass between them.
Baekhyun hesitated for a moment, biting his lower lip, and then obliged the request, fitting against Chanyeol’s chest perfectly. He wrapped his arms around the boy and they continued to watch the stars. Chanyeol ignored the small tremors that wracked Baekhyun’s body. Baekhyun ignored the warm tears that fell on his shoulders from behind. But they both couldn’t ignore the feeling this isn’t enough.
“Chanyeol, let me tell you a story.” Baekhyun whispered after a while.
Chanyeol nodded with as much vigor as he could muster. Telling stories had been their favorite pastime, Chanyeol speaking of faraway towns he’d visited, Baekhyun breathing life into dreams and fantasies. He loved hearing Baekhyun’s stories.
“There once lived a young boy. For as long as he could remember, the boy had been so very lonely. His parents had never loved him like they should’ve. He was never good at making friends. Most of the other village children liked teasing him more than anything else. The boy grew up with an emptiness inside, and one day chose to leave his village.”
Baekhyun paused when Chanyeol buried his face in his hair. He prodded him to continue, and Baekhyun did his best to ignore the new tears cooling his scalp.
“The boy had a chance to start over. He traveled between villages, performing a noble job, and earned respect among many. The boy made it his duty to love others. He wanted the ones hurting the most to feel happiness; he wanted to make them all feel special. The boy lived like this for a long time, but he never was able to fill the emptiness inside.”
Baekhyun drifted off in thought again. Chanyeol lifted his face and rested it on the boy’s shoulder, now free of tears. His eyes spoke a silent ‘go on’ and he obliged after a deep breath.
“One day, the boy entered a new village. He was here to love the unlovable, to help the unworthy, just as he always had. But for some reason, there was something off this time around. The boy found this undesirable to be different, and before he knew it, something genuine began to bloom in his heart. At some point, the boy thought to himself ‘oh, so this is love’. He had found someone that not only he found special, but that found him special in return as well. The boy placed his new found love into that empty slot in his heart. It fit so perfectly.”
Baekhyun cut off in a near whisper and Chanyeol could hear the blood in his ears. He closed his eyes tight, willing his tears not to fall as he listened to Baekhyun. He hadn’t realized how easily this boy had seen through him. Baekhyun continued after clearing his throat, much stronger this time.
“But one day, the boy found out that his beloved was going to be taken away. He tried to fight it, but it was useless. Because his beloved was too weak to fight back alongside him. His beloved let him go, and the boy’s heart was broken.”
“I don’t like this story Baekhyun.” Chanyeol tightened his hold on the boy in front of him. Baekhyun gently laid back further into his chest, locking eyes with the other boy. He reached up to run his fingers through those soft curls and smiled softly.
“Shush, I’m not finished yet.” He closed his eyes as Chanyeol sighed and continued his story.
“The boy left the village shortly after. He stopped working as usual and wallowed in heartbreak for a while. But, but he couldn’t mourn forever. The boy had to learn to move on and heal himself.”
Baekhyun felt tears wet his scalp again and twisted in Chanyeol’s arms to face him.
“Yes, the boy had to get better. He had to continue living and find joy in it once more. Because he knew that that’s what his beloved would’ve wanted for him.”
Baekhyun gently placed his hands over Chanyeol’s cheeks, catching his tears
as he continued.
“His beloved wouldn’t want the boy to suffer anymore. His beloved wouldn’t want the boy to shed so many tears. So the boy learned to love again and continued living a happy existence.”
Chanyeol buried his face in Baekhyun’s chest, muffling his sobs. Baekhyun ran his fingers soothingly through his curls, murmuring ’shush, it’s okay, I’m not done yet’. He ignored the tears that spilled from his own eyes. ‘I’m not done yet’.
“The boy was outside one night, watching the stars like he did so often in the past. As he gazed at the heavens, he remembered his beloved, and the happiness they had shared together. All of a sudden, he heard the whisper of a voice and looked up. The boy learned that night that his beloved was never truly gone. His beloved was at home among the stars, where he could forever look down and keep watch over the fragile boy he had loved.”
Chanyeol stared up at Baekhyun, haloed by starlight and smiling the most radiant smile he’d ever seen. Chanyeol reached up to wipe at the tears flowing silently from the boy’s eyes and gave a grin of his own.
“And then what happened?”
Baekhyun let out a laugh like wind chimes.
“The boy lived the rest of his life to the fullest. He traveled far and wide, spreading his happiness like a virus. At night he’d take comfort in the stars, wrapping himself in the warmth of his beloved. And then, at a ripe old age, the boy felt his own life slip away. He passed peacefully in his sleep, and awoke in his beloved’s embrace. Together, they will shine upon the land forevermore.”
Baekhyun pressed his face closer to Chanyeol’s, placing a lingering kiss on quivering lips.
“In the heavens, they lived happily ever after.”
∞
Baekhyun hadn’t specified in the story whether the boy had stayed to watch his beloved burn. Chanyeol took it as a silent permission to leave beforehand. He ignored it.
He watched the fire build and consume from his lonely spot atop the hill. The women had been right about the builders having precision. From up here, he could see with chilling clarity as the fire traveled along the wooden beams from multiple directions, all converging on the center in perfect synchronization. The fire was in the shape of a giant star, identical to the mark on Baekhyun’s face.
He watched the flames all night long. He sat rooted to the ground, even as the smoke clouded his visions. Even as the village dispersed. He didn’t move until the last ember flickered into darkness.
Baekhyun hadn’t screamed once.
The sun peeked over the horizon, signaling a new day. Chanyeol stood up slowly, stretching his stiff muscles. He stared at the necklace clutched in his hand, a parting gift, and carefully tied it around his neck. He let his eyes linger on the charred pyre a few moments longer.
Chanyeol bid the village a forever farewell and began his trek.
He had a story to follow.
He had a star to find.