(no subject)
hmm so I haven't wrote in a long while.. I have been meaning too but just keep putting it off. Life could be better.. lots of things suck right now but im still hanging in there and having myself a grand ol time... trying. Last week I was really depressed and felt as if nothing could get worse. everymorning I woke up.. my heart would just ache, my mind would be going all over the place with thought of someone. My family problem with my brother just made things so worse too. Someone awful might happen to him, and me and the rest of my family are just not ready for this. Tomarrow we find out what is goign to happen I think... I hope. I don't know what I would do if it came to that. I am not sopossed to tell/talk about it to anyone for a while, but please pray and hope for the best. It sucked so badly because of what he was goign to do for my dad for fathers day, and he wasn't even able to spend it with us. :(
This past week was boring... saw dodge ball, ummm had class... shit I have a paper due wednesday that I haven't started yet! I have a test tomarrow.. which I am kind of ready for. I worked 3 day s in a row and hung out with shelby. We went apt looking monday, and tried goign again on thursday, and on friday.. but she pooped out on me, and didn't feel like goign. Im afraid for my finances if I move out... like I wont be able to afford everything, or I wont haev any spending money left. Because I have no idea how much I am goign to be able to work next year.. for my VP posistion. Well I just look at it this way... my tuition is paid for + 250 dollars for teh book store per term. so my schooling is paid for. THe 350 child support will be going to me so I could put that towards my rent.. and the apt we really want is $740, $370 each. then we have utilities, gas/water, cable, and electricity. SO i dunno we have only looked at 2 and I would like to look at some near gladstone, or Oregon city.. closer to my school. But she isn't to thrilled with that idea.. I also want a 3 room mate so our rent would be cheaper.. but she said that I wanted 3 room mates I could go find 2 more people to move out with because she just wants it to be me and her. Grr I know we would love just being the two of us.. but to make things cheaper .. id do anythnig.
Wednesday went down town with tyler after I got off work. It was so nice seeing him/hanging out.. My dad was all confused why I was hanging out with him.. but I dunno im a forgiving person specially for friends I care about. I was reading my year book the other day and reading what he wrote me.. just made me realize how much fun he was/is and how many fun times we had with each other through out high school. Im not sure wants going on with him.. cuz the next day he was being rude again and telling me he didn't care to be my friend.. so who knows.
Thursday night was fun.. dan took me out on a date. We went to Wunderland at Avalon theater.. and OMG it was so much fun!.. I wish a group of us went.. but it was still fun. so after playing every single arcade game in there.. we went to fred myers to get tennis balls and went out somewhere far away and played tennis, oh before we did that we got A n W root beer float baby! yumm those are great! Than we went tot he play set at the park and swang on the swings and talked about things. He watned to go out and do more fun adventrous stuff but I was ready to go home.. so we went back to his house were shelby jeff and ian were all at... hung out there for a bit.. then shelby and I left while the guys went to steal stuff from good will.
Friday.. my plan was to go rafting down the river.. from barton to carver and start drinking early... but didn't happen.. I ended up driving around EVERYWHERE with shelby.. it sucks I was probably in the car more than I was outside the car. We went to freddys to get my seat covers, and my moms bench, then went down town to turn in an aplication for shelby, but we got there at 5:07 and they closed at 5. so we got stuck in traffic on the way home.. went and picked up the phone charger from dustins.. which was just left on the front porch like I am some sort of animal. man I felt so disrespected and thought that was really rude, but eh whatever its the way you are now I guess. Shelby and I went home and ash b came over and we decided to take shots of my coconut rum.. and jake nowatchick and jay parkhurst came over then we went to caseys house to go hot tubbing and BBQ but we just sat there and watched TV. I was getting so pissed cuz I was not in the mood to be just sitting.. drinking + sitting = boresville! So finalyl we left to jakes house to pick up more people and headed over to Ians. By this time it was like 2-3 hours later and I was not drunk, had a head ache and was wanting to just crawl in a hole. More and more people showed up, but for some reason I just was not having a good time. I really wanted to go home... I didn't understand cuz So many people wehre there and something was just wrong with me. Then justin showed up.. and made my night better! Man I haven't seen that boy in ages, mmm I miss him. But him and cory are so cute and im happy for them. More people showed up, and shelby and I shot guned 3 beers and it was getting real exciting. the guys started mini mashing in the living room and this one guy no one even knew.. he just came over with some blonded haird girl, some girl who had blue in her hair Ca I think her name is.. and some other chick.. anyways this guy punched jay in the back of the head.. which pissed him off and they almost got in a fight. I had to stop it cuz I HATE fights with a passion. I got up in Jays face and told him not to fight him.. and he said he wouldn't. Than a few min later we were outside and they were all out there smokeing and jay walks up to the guy and tells/askes him to leave. They almost got into a fight again.. and matt started yelling at some blonde chick.. who was defending her friend.. haha i dunno it was just funny to watch.
I have to go to work.. im efing late.... ill write more later...
peace ouside
This past week was boring... saw dodge ball, ummm had class... shit I have a paper due wednesday that I haven't started yet! I have a test tomarrow.. which I am kind of ready for. I worked 3 day s in a row and hung out with shelby. We went apt looking monday, and tried goign again on thursday, and on friday.. but she pooped out on me, and didn't feel like goign. Im afraid for my finances if I move out... like I wont be able to afford everything, or I wont haev any spending money left. Because I have no idea how much I am goign to be able to work next year.. for my VP posistion. Well I just look at it this way... my tuition is paid for + 250 dollars for teh book store per term. so my schooling is paid for. THe 350 child support will be going to me so I could put that towards my rent.. and the apt we really want is $740, $370 each. then we have utilities, gas/water, cable, and electricity. SO i dunno we have only looked at 2 and I would like to look at some near gladstone, or Oregon city.. closer to my school. But she isn't to thrilled with that idea.. I also want a 3 room mate so our rent would be cheaper.. but she said that I wanted 3 room mates I could go find 2 more people to move out with because she just wants it to be me and her. Grr I know we would love just being the two of us.. but to make things cheaper .. id do anythnig.
Wednesday went down town with tyler after I got off work. It was so nice seeing him/hanging out.. My dad was all confused why I was hanging out with him.. but I dunno im a forgiving person specially for friends I care about. I was reading my year book the other day and reading what he wrote me.. just made me realize how much fun he was/is and how many fun times we had with each other through out high school. Im not sure wants going on with him.. cuz the next day he was being rude again and telling me he didn't care to be my friend.. so who knows.
Thursday night was fun.. dan took me out on a date. We went to Wunderland at Avalon theater.. and OMG it was so much fun!.. I wish a group of us went.. but it was still fun. so after playing every single arcade game in there.. we went to fred myers to get tennis balls and went out somewhere far away and played tennis, oh before we did that we got A n W root beer float baby! yumm those are great! Than we went tot he play set at the park and swang on the swings and talked about things. He watned to go out and do more fun adventrous stuff but I was ready to go home.. so we went back to his house were shelby jeff and ian were all at... hung out there for a bit.. then shelby and I left while the guys went to steal stuff from good will.
Friday.. my plan was to go rafting down the river.. from barton to carver and start drinking early... but didn't happen.. I ended up driving around EVERYWHERE with shelby.. it sucks I was probably in the car more than I was outside the car. We went to freddys to get my seat covers, and my moms bench, then went down town to turn in an aplication for shelby, but we got there at 5:07 and they closed at 5. so we got stuck in traffic on the way home.. went and picked up the phone charger from dustins.. which was just left on the front porch like I am some sort of animal. man I felt so disrespected and thought that was really rude, but eh whatever its the way you are now I guess. Shelby and I went home and ash b came over and we decided to take shots of my coconut rum.. and jake nowatchick and jay parkhurst came over then we went to caseys house to go hot tubbing and BBQ but we just sat there and watched TV. I was getting so pissed cuz I was not in the mood to be just sitting.. drinking + sitting = boresville! So finalyl we left to jakes house to pick up more people and headed over to Ians. By this time it was like 2-3 hours later and I was not drunk, had a head ache and was wanting to just crawl in a hole. More and more people showed up, but for some reason I just was not having a good time. I really wanted to go home... I didn't understand cuz So many people wehre there and something was just wrong with me. Then justin showed up.. and made my night better! Man I haven't seen that boy in ages, mmm I miss him. But him and cory are so cute and im happy for them. More people showed up, and shelby and I shot guned 3 beers and it was getting real exciting. the guys started mini mashing in the living room and this one guy no one even knew.. he just came over with some blonded haird girl, some girl who had blue in her hair Ca I think her name is.. and some other chick.. anyways this guy punched jay in the back of the head.. which pissed him off and they almost got in a fight. I had to stop it cuz I HATE fights with a passion. I got up in Jays face and told him not to fight him.. and he said he wouldn't. Than a few min later we were outside and they were all out there smokeing and jay walks up to the guy and tells/askes him to leave. They almost got into a fight again.. and matt started yelling at some blonde chick.. who was defending her friend.. haha i dunno it was just funny to watch.
I have to go to work.. im efing late.... ill write more later...
peace ouside