(no subject)
Now these days I haven't been one to complain actively about things. I take complaining as a way to let the act that's controlling your life not actually do anything about it. If truth is created by language, then being careful with words is of the utmost importance when trying to deal with breakdowns.
All this aside, I'm angry. Or maybe not angry as much as disappointed. Or not even that, just frustrated that we're here and this is all we see of each other. Heidi and Aaron as much as I love them, never want to step outside their comfort zone. I mean they did buy the dog and that's pretty ballsy. Maynard is doing really well so far in his pen. He's so cute. He starts puppy sitting in a month and he'll get to play with other doggies for 8 hours a day.
Wow. I feel better. I'm just looking for a venue to communicate. I can't seem to do it with my roommates right now because I am so scared of looking vulnerable right now. I am having a little breakdown in my own self communication, which is interesting because talking to oneself is never really a productive thing. We are who we are because of the people who listen to us.
I am so not complete about Paul still. Maybe I'm looking at it as an excuse (it has been almost two years since we broke up) but I can't bring myself to close this completely. Everything seems to be a reminder o how I used to have this intense connection with another person and I just let it fester into something rotten and self-destructive.
I go into new venues and relationships without this baggage, or so I think, but I am still lingering to something that I have no idea on how to complete. I can't call him, I won't e-mail him, and I have to think as if he didn't exist. How do people have closing conversations with the dead?
How can I truly be free without going crazy?
Ok I'm being dramatic now. =-)
I'm fine. I'm just in a complaining mood.
All this aside, I'm angry. Or maybe not angry as much as disappointed. Or not even that, just frustrated that we're here and this is all we see of each other. Heidi and Aaron as much as I love them, never want to step outside their comfort zone. I mean they did buy the dog and that's pretty ballsy. Maynard is doing really well so far in his pen. He's so cute. He starts puppy sitting in a month and he'll get to play with other doggies for 8 hours a day.
Wow. I feel better. I'm just looking for a venue to communicate. I can't seem to do it with my roommates right now because I am so scared of looking vulnerable right now. I am having a little breakdown in my own self communication, which is interesting because talking to oneself is never really a productive thing. We are who we are because of the people who listen to us.
I am so not complete about Paul still. Maybe I'm looking at it as an excuse (it has been almost two years since we broke up) but I can't bring myself to close this completely. Everything seems to be a reminder o how I used to have this intense connection with another person and I just let it fester into something rotten and self-destructive.
I go into new venues and relationships without this baggage, or so I think, but I am still lingering to something that I have no idea on how to complete. I can't call him, I won't e-mail him, and I have to think as if he didn't exist. How do people have closing conversations with the dead?
How can I truly be free without going crazy?
Ok I'm being dramatic now. =-)
I'm fine. I'm just in a complaining mood.