intensity
I was talking to a good friend of mine awhile back (you know who you are :-P) and he was, again, telling me how intense I come off, particularly in a relationship. He described it as good, but too much to take most of the time. It sounds lame, but it was a revelation. Of course, I am quite aware of the intensity, it's what I thrive on, but instead of listening to his (repeated, ahem.) advice to lessen it, I decided that wasn't good enough. I refuse to lessen who I am, I just need to not settle for someone who cannot bring the intensity back, and maybe even then some. It sounds so simplistic but it's odd that it hadn't yet occurred to me. I kept viewing all the relationships, both past friendships and romances, as these failures on my record, and of course, I hate failure. It's not about changing to be what someone wants, or even diminishing some of my own characteristics, but truly learning to be ok with who you are. Only then will others love it too. It's a learning process, and slowly but surely I am figuring out what makes me tick. Not only that, but I am accepting of it. We are all quite flawed creatures, but I am learning to love mine, and they are seeming less like negatives. I am me, and I'm the only me around. That may not fit in a Nashville mold, and I may not be finding a lot of kindred spirits here, but I am loved, and sometimes, that's all you need. Rock on, Lennon.