some rubbish
i apologize for the slightly obsessive updating, i'm just at work and rather bored.
so, it was my last day of work before i head back to michigan, until a few minutes ago. i realized i picked up part of a shift for someone tomorrow... i realized that like five minutes ago... damn money.
i was going to say, "if it weren't for money, i wouldn't be miserable." but i retract that statement. i always find a reason to be miserable otherwise, hahaha. like this morning (correction, this afternoon) when i woke up. i was more depressed than i can remember being in a while. i forced myself to eat something and go to the gym. and i feel better now. now i feel better. maybe i should wait about five mintues. fuck, maybe after the end of writing this entry i'll be depressed again.
i am nuts.
and for some reason i'm really craving a mcdonald's sundae.
anyway, i thought yesterday that venting about my (non-existent - by choice) love life would make me feel better. but it seems that it just made me more angry. i laid in bed last night wondering why the hell a love life is important to me at all. i mean, i was also wondering why it is that i'm a walking disease, and feeling sorry for myself...blah. my train of thought ended on something like goddamn it, stop feeling sorry for yourself. and then wait, i'm yelling at myself...maybe i should stop being so self deprecating. and then i remembered that i don't really know how to do that. the result was stressing myself out into a coma.
i've started thinking a bit about what i want to do post liberal arts college career. and, despite the fact that my parents seem to be very opinionated about what i should do, iiiiiiii really don't know. oh yes, i know, that's perfectly normal and all that shit, but i am (a) indecisive; and (b) impatient. this does not make for a very positive mix.
i think my favorite quote as of late is from my mother, who ever so kindly, and very much to my amusement, said about a month ago, "Maggie, I think God hates you."