[Fic] Remember you/Miss you - Chapter 2
Genre: Angst but happy ending (I swear)
Pairing: PiN (Yamashita Tomohisa/Akanishi Jin), a little of RyoJin
Disclaimer: Had they been mine, I would certainly imprison them into a golden cage *evil smile*. But sadly, not mine *sob*
Summary:
“Please remember me, although I just can stay in a tiny piece of your heart.”
He heard the other one whisper like that, with warm tears dropped on his face…
The next day, nowhere could find Jin.
A/N: Chapter 2 here XD~!
Gosh, sorry for taking it too long @_@... There're some problems with it so i can't post it as fast as i promised. Gomen ne *puppy eyes*
Once again, thanks to kindof_sweet and gokara for helping me a lot like this
. I hope this chapter will not disappoint you two because of my silly mistakes >_. I hope it's not too much if i ask u to keep supporting me *lol*
Prologue | Chapter 1 |
Chapter 2: Vicious circle of love
The day after Jin’s confession, all the things Yamapi can do are hiding and evading Jin as if Jin is some kind of plague. Every times Jin’s eyes catch of his sight, he’ll immediately turns away and avoids that eyes. Every times he sees Jin standing near him, looking at him and ready to wave at him, he turns his head the other way, as if didn’t see anything, and leaves to the opposite side, as fast as he can.
More than anyone, he knows clearly what he has done are breaking Jin’s heart; his eyes full of pain says everything. But he has no choice. He himself doesn’t understand the reason for running away like that. He just can’t think about anything, everything is so confusing. How can he know what feeling did he have for Jin? He doesn’t know. How can he face Jin after his confession without any clear answer for him? He doesn’t know that either. He just thought he had known all about himself, all about Jin, but then he realizes he knows nothing.
And then he suddenly remembers about his image, his reputation and his popularity. About what all the people around him; the fans and the publics are expecting from him. They adore him as the most precious boy in JE. What will happen if he accepts Jin’s confession? What will happen if he tells everybody Jin is his lover? Oh, he really doesn’t want to think about that, because if he lets that happen, his perfectly beautiful image that he put a lot of efforts and hard worked to build will all be doomed, just in a blink of eye. No way in hell will he let that happens.
Yamapi recalls the look in Jin’s eyes, the painful ones when he ignores Jin as if he neither sees nor hears Jin calling his name. He feels a sting in his heart; remembering Jin’s beautiful eyes that full of sadness right now is not good, not any good at all! Think, Yamapi, think about any other thing, now! Yamapi scolds himself. Ryo and other band mates’ images suddenly jump into his head. Oh wait, what did he miss here? Ryo, right, that’s Ryo! Why can’t he remember Ryo earlier? The way Ryo is looking at Jin was exactly the way Jin used to look at him, the same sweetness, the same care in his eyes.
Ignoring the sudden pain in his heart, Yamapi tries to convince himself that Ryo has the same feeling for Jin as Jin has for him. That’s right, Jin and Ryo have been friend long enough too, and since Ryo has feelings for Jin, they can be a perfect couple. Silly thought, but at that time, Yamapi don’t know that that silly thought will lead him to one of the most regrettable things ever.
One week passes rapidly, and although Yamapi has made up his mind that Ryo and Jin would certainly become a great couple, he still daren’t face the older one and keeps ignoring and avoiding Jin like the day Jin confessed to him. He doesn’t say anything to Ryo either, just let Ryo notice little by little his strange behaviors towards Jin these days. Maybe because he is not sure enough about telling the truth, what really happened between Jin and him, and his real thoughts about this problem (he thinks so). Three of them are caught in a vicious circle; all the things are caught in a vicious circle of knowing, of love and of hurt.
Until one day, when he finished his dancing practice and rushes to go home, he almost freezes at the doorframe seeing Jin has been standing outside the practice room and waiting for him. ‘Clever trick,’ he thinks at the back of his mind, ‘now I can’t run anywhere.’ Jin’s standing there, sad eyes on his face, and Yamapi knows he can’t refuse anything Jin says this time.
“Uhm… ne, Pi, would you mind if I come to your house today? I just…,” Yamapi hears Jin’s hesitant smooth silken voice resounds inside his mind. He knows what Jin means, he knows what Jin wants but he is not ready to talk yet and he doesn’t have the heart to push Jin now that he is in front of him, facing him with that sad look. Nodding, he bursts out a forced laugh, saying, “Of course I don’t mind, you’re always welcome in my house, Jin.”
“Oh, okay,” Jin replies with a soft but sad smile. And with that, the two of them go to Yamapi’s home, without noticing the concentrated look from one of the boys who are still sitting on the floor in the practice room, seeing and hearing all the conversation between his two best friends.
All the way home sinks in silence. No one dares to say anything. Each of them pursues ones own different thoughts. Just sometimes on the way driving home, Yamapi steals a glance at the older one, but not too long, and seems like Jin doesn’t notice anyway as he is lost in his own thought.
Their dinner goes in the same cold silent air. One sits at the head of the table, the other sits silently at the other end of it, both of them don’t say anything, until Yamapi raises his head and catches Jin’s eyes on him.
“Ano… Pi,” Jin opens his mouth as he quickly lowers his head avoiding Yamapi’s eyes, but still feeling too embarrassed to say what he wants to say or rather, he doesn’t know how to say what he wants to say actually.
Too afraid of what Jin’s going to say, as he is afraid that Jin will demand an answer to his confession out of him, Yamapi says suddenly without thinking: “Jin, what do you think of Ryo-chan?”
Jin is taken aback by the sudden question, “What do you mean?” Jin frowns at Yamapi, feeling so confused.
Yamapi tries hard to force a smile; a fake smile which can make he feels sick himself; as he says, “I mean.., look, maybe you haven’t noticed but I can see clearly Ryo-chan really likes you. So… I mean…”
Jin bursts into laugh, a bitter laugh. He never ever thought that the voice he loves so much, that Pi who he loves so much can make him hurt like this. He hears his heart is breaking into pieces; he thinks he can feel the ground collapse under his feet. ‘So here is your answer…’ he smiles bitterly in the back of his mind. But he hides it. He hides the bitterness in his laugh and he hides the deadly pain in his heart by turning away towards the fridge as if wanting to take something and saying cheerfully instead, “Oh really? So I must be really attractive ne?”
Both of them laugh yet both of them can feel how fake those laughs were, but both of them decide to keep that feeling as a secret in their mind.
They finish the meal in the same cold heavy air. After the short conversation in the middle of the meal, no one opened their mouths again, not even to say one word. As soon as they finish eating, Yamapi quickly stands up and mumbles something like he feels tired after a hard-working day, so he will go to bed; and Jin just nods, turns away and does the clean-up.
Sitting silently on his bed inside his bedroom, Yamapi tries hard to hear all the sounds that come from the outside of his room. He listens to the voice coming regularly from the television putting in front of the huge couch in the living room, Jin might be watching it. Yamapi just sits still like that, until one moment he realizes there is no sound from the TV anymore. He wonders if Jin had left or he just simply fell asleep on the couch. After about one more hour, he still doesn’t hear any noise from the living room, he decides that he won’t care anymore and begins to think, about him, about Jin, about Ryo, about all the things that happened. He’s at loss…
That night, with its silence, the coldness of the night wind and the trembling familiar voice with those beautiful warm tear drops makes it the most painful memory Yamapi ever has…
+++++++
Yamapi wakes up with a start, feeling a throbbing pain inside his heart. His dream of that night comes so clearly, as if it just happened the day before. It has been two days since the day Jin left and the pain inside his heart just keep growing and growing. What’s more is he can feels that the bond between him and Ryo is crumpling down little by little when Jin has left him completely.
Ryo… He remembers clearly what Ryo had said when he ran to his apartment after knowing about Jin’s disappearance, knowing about everything. Yeah, no angry voice like he had thought, Ryo didn’t go mad, but the sadness and bitterness in his voice did work more than any scolding, “You know, love can’t be shared. Don’t you know that?” He can still remember the pain twisted inside his heart when he heard Ryo said those words, those sudden but still so smooth words like a dagger stabbing his heart cruelly. He could see Ryo’s eyes gone red; he could see how his clenched fist turned into white, pale white.
“And do you know you can’t force someone to love another? Don’t you know it, Pi?” with that Ryo stormed out of the room, leaving Yamapi alone in his apartment. Yamapi remembers one more thing, before Ryo turned away, he could see tears rolling down on his face.
Yamapi looks up exhaustedly at the sky outside the glass window of the dressing room, what a blue sky, so peaceful and so quiet; it’s contrary with his tomorrow, his next days, maybe his future as well. Everything just suddenly darkens in front of his eyes after Jin left. He closes his eyes, just to feel Jin’s words that night keep repeating over and over in his head.
“Please remember me, although I just can stay in a tiny piece of your heart.”
“Jin, I miss you, I miss you a lot, I miss you Jin, so please come back, please come back to me.” Yamapi whispers softly, yet bitterly, while one hand grips his shirt on his chest tightly. His mouth tastes salty as tear drops continue rolling down on his cheeks.
Outside the dressing room’s door, one figure gently shuts it up, leaning on it with his face in his palms. He mutters something, sobbing quietly. He can also feel the pain deep-down inside his heart.
~ tbc ~
A/N (again
): If you don't remember what happened in "that night", please go and read again the Prologue part ne
!
Pairing: PiN (Yamashita Tomohisa/Akanishi Jin), a little of RyoJin
Disclaimer: Had they been mine, I would certainly imprison them into a golden cage *evil smile*. But sadly, not mine *sob*
Summary:
“Please remember me, although I just can stay in a tiny piece of your heart.”
He heard the other one whisper like that, with warm tears dropped on his face…
The next day, nowhere could find Jin.
A/N: Chapter 2 here XD~!
Gosh, sorry for taking it too long @_@... There're some problems with it so i can't post it as fast as i promised. Gomen ne *puppy eyes*
Once again, thanks to kindof_sweet and gokara for helping me a lot like this
. I hope this chapter will not disappoint you two because of my silly mistakes >_. I hope it's not too much if i ask u to keep supporting me *lol*
Prologue | Chapter 1 |
Chapter 2: Vicious circle of love
The day after Jin’s confession, all the things Yamapi can do are hiding and evading Jin as if Jin is some kind of plague. Every times Jin’s eyes catch of his sight, he’ll immediately turns away and avoids that eyes. Every times he sees Jin standing near him, looking at him and ready to wave at him, he turns his head the other way, as if didn’t see anything, and leaves to the opposite side, as fast as he can.
More than anyone, he knows clearly what he has done are breaking Jin’s heart; his eyes full of pain says everything. But he has no choice. He himself doesn’t understand the reason for running away like that. He just can’t think about anything, everything is so confusing. How can he know what feeling did he have for Jin? He doesn’t know. How can he face Jin after his confession without any clear answer for him? He doesn’t know that either. He just thought he had known all about himself, all about Jin, but then he realizes he knows nothing.
And then he suddenly remembers about his image, his reputation and his popularity. About what all the people around him; the fans and the publics are expecting from him. They adore him as the most precious boy in JE. What will happen if he accepts Jin’s confession? What will happen if he tells everybody Jin is his lover? Oh, he really doesn’t want to think about that, because if he lets that happen, his perfectly beautiful image that he put a lot of efforts and hard worked to build will all be doomed, just in a blink of eye. No way in hell will he let that happens.
Yamapi recalls the look in Jin’s eyes, the painful ones when he ignores Jin as if he neither sees nor hears Jin calling his name. He feels a sting in his heart; remembering Jin’s beautiful eyes that full of sadness right now is not good, not any good at all! Think, Yamapi, think about any other thing, now! Yamapi scolds himself. Ryo and other band mates’ images suddenly jump into his head. Oh wait, what did he miss here? Ryo, right, that’s Ryo! Why can’t he remember Ryo earlier? The way Ryo is looking at Jin was exactly the way Jin used to look at him, the same sweetness, the same care in his eyes.
Ignoring the sudden pain in his heart, Yamapi tries to convince himself that Ryo has the same feeling for Jin as Jin has for him. That’s right, Jin and Ryo have been friend long enough too, and since Ryo has feelings for Jin, they can be a perfect couple. Silly thought, but at that time, Yamapi don’t know that that silly thought will lead him to one of the most regrettable things ever.
One week passes rapidly, and although Yamapi has made up his mind that Ryo and Jin would certainly become a great couple, he still daren’t face the older one and keeps ignoring and avoiding Jin like the day Jin confessed to him. He doesn’t say anything to Ryo either, just let Ryo notice little by little his strange behaviors towards Jin these days. Maybe because he is not sure enough about telling the truth, what really happened between Jin and him, and his real thoughts about this problem (he thinks so). Three of them are caught in a vicious circle; all the things are caught in a vicious circle of knowing, of love and of hurt.
Until one day, when he finished his dancing practice and rushes to go home, he almost freezes at the doorframe seeing Jin has been standing outside the practice room and waiting for him. ‘Clever trick,’ he thinks at the back of his mind, ‘now I can’t run anywhere.’ Jin’s standing there, sad eyes on his face, and Yamapi knows he can’t refuse anything Jin says this time.
“Uhm… ne, Pi, would you mind if I come to your house today? I just…,” Yamapi hears Jin’s hesitant smooth silken voice resounds inside his mind. He knows what Jin means, he knows what Jin wants but he is not ready to talk yet and he doesn’t have the heart to push Jin now that he is in front of him, facing him with that sad look. Nodding, he bursts out a forced laugh, saying, “Of course I don’t mind, you’re always welcome in my house, Jin.”
“Oh, okay,” Jin replies with a soft but sad smile. And with that, the two of them go to Yamapi’s home, without noticing the concentrated look from one of the boys who are still sitting on the floor in the practice room, seeing and hearing all the conversation between his two best friends.
All the way home sinks in silence. No one dares to say anything. Each of them pursues ones own different thoughts. Just sometimes on the way driving home, Yamapi steals a glance at the older one, but not too long, and seems like Jin doesn’t notice anyway as he is lost in his own thought.
Their dinner goes in the same cold silent air. One sits at the head of the table, the other sits silently at the other end of it, both of them don’t say anything, until Yamapi raises his head and catches Jin’s eyes on him.
“Ano… Pi,” Jin opens his mouth as he quickly lowers his head avoiding Yamapi’s eyes, but still feeling too embarrassed to say what he wants to say or rather, he doesn’t know how to say what he wants to say actually.
Too afraid of what Jin’s going to say, as he is afraid that Jin will demand an answer to his confession out of him, Yamapi says suddenly without thinking: “Jin, what do you think of Ryo-chan?”
Jin is taken aback by the sudden question, “What do you mean?” Jin frowns at Yamapi, feeling so confused.
Yamapi tries hard to force a smile; a fake smile which can make he feels sick himself; as he says, “I mean.., look, maybe you haven’t noticed but I can see clearly Ryo-chan really likes you. So… I mean…”
Jin bursts into laugh, a bitter laugh. He never ever thought that the voice he loves so much, that Pi who he loves so much can make him hurt like this. He hears his heart is breaking into pieces; he thinks he can feel the ground collapse under his feet. ‘So here is your answer…’ he smiles bitterly in the back of his mind. But he hides it. He hides the bitterness in his laugh and he hides the deadly pain in his heart by turning away towards the fridge as if wanting to take something and saying cheerfully instead, “Oh really? So I must be really attractive ne?”
Both of them laugh yet both of them can feel how fake those laughs were, but both of them decide to keep that feeling as a secret in their mind.
They finish the meal in the same cold heavy air. After the short conversation in the middle of the meal, no one opened their mouths again, not even to say one word. As soon as they finish eating, Yamapi quickly stands up and mumbles something like he feels tired after a hard-working day, so he will go to bed; and Jin just nods, turns away and does the clean-up.
Sitting silently on his bed inside his bedroom, Yamapi tries hard to hear all the sounds that come from the outside of his room. He listens to the voice coming regularly from the television putting in front of the huge couch in the living room, Jin might be watching it. Yamapi just sits still like that, until one moment he realizes there is no sound from the TV anymore. He wonders if Jin had left or he just simply fell asleep on the couch. After about one more hour, he still doesn’t hear any noise from the living room, he decides that he won’t care anymore and begins to think, about him, about Jin, about Ryo, about all the things that happened. He’s at loss…
That night, with its silence, the coldness of the night wind and the trembling familiar voice with those beautiful warm tear drops makes it the most painful memory Yamapi ever has…
+++++++
Yamapi wakes up with a start, feeling a throbbing pain inside his heart. His dream of that night comes so clearly, as if it just happened the day before. It has been two days since the day Jin left and the pain inside his heart just keep growing and growing. What’s more is he can feels that the bond between him and Ryo is crumpling down little by little when Jin has left him completely.
Ryo… He remembers clearly what Ryo had said when he ran to his apartment after knowing about Jin’s disappearance, knowing about everything. Yeah, no angry voice like he had thought, Ryo didn’t go mad, but the sadness and bitterness in his voice did work more than any scolding, “You know, love can’t be shared. Don’t you know that?” He can still remember the pain twisted inside his heart when he heard Ryo said those words, those sudden but still so smooth words like a dagger stabbing his heart cruelly. He could see Ryo’s eyes gone red; he could see how his clenched fist turned into white, pale white.
“And do you know you can’t force someone to love another? Don’t you know it, Pi?” with that Ryo stormed out of the room, leaving Yamapi alone in his apartment. Yamapi remembers one more thing, before Ryo turned away, he could see tears rolling down on his face.
Yamapi looks up exhaustedly at the sky outside the glass window of the dressing room, what a blue sky, so peaceful and so quiet; it’s contrary with his tomorrow, his next days, maybe his future as well. Everything just suddenly darkens in front of his eyes after Jin left. He closes his eyes, just to feel Jin’s words that night keep repeating over and over in his head.
“Please remember me, although I just can stay in a tiny piece of your heart.”
“Jin, I miss you, I miss you a lot, I miss you Jin, so please come back, please come back to me.” Yamapi whispers softly, yet bitterly, while one hand grips his shirt on his chest tightly. His mouth tastes salty as tear drops continue rolling down on his cheeks.
Outside the dressing room’s door, one figure gently shuts it up, leaning on it with his face in his palms. He mutters something, sobbing quietly. He can also feel the pain deep-down inside his heart.
~ tbc ~
A/N (again
): If you don't remember what happened in "that night", please go and read again the Prologue part ne
!