What the hell's goin' on with me???
There's somethin' that's bothering me, I know there is, but I just don't know what it is exactly. I mean, I know about all the little things that are bothering me, that I've become frustrated with, and that they're all contributing to the bigger problem just by adding more stress. But that isn't what's wrong. I just have this feeling that I can't describe, and I don't even know if it's good or bad. But I don't even think that's behind it completely, I don't know, maybe it is.
All I know for sure is that I haven't felt like talking much lately, mainly because everytime I do I say some smartass remark and act like a total bitch. And it's like that with everyone! LoL cuz now some of my friends are turning my own stuff around on me: "pop a midol, jo" "yeah, I wish I could say that was it, but it ain't". Of course, that's what most thought so all my girl friends have been a bit more understanding than some of the guys, LoL.
I just keep on going back to how Diana's said that we've switched places. How she's more sensitive and plain emotional, and how I'm more of the independent, no shit attitude now. How and when this happened, we haven't the slightest clue, but it doesn't look like it's changing again anytime soon.
I also realized lately, and it's something strange and new to me, but okay, say I get into a really deep argument with someone (which I've kinda had a couple of those lately), and they say shit that either hurts me or is intended to hurt me. Well before, I would take everything really personally, and I'd be really sad and everything. And then I'd be sad, and I'd probably cry some, and blah, blah, blah. Well now, I can't stand that. I see it now as sometimes it's okay to cry, but most of the time it's like okay, why the fuck would you cry about this Joanna? I can't even stand to think about how damn sensitive I was, and how I cried over every..little..thing that hurt me. ::rolls eyes::
Well yeah, which gets me to nowadays. Now, and I don't know if this is suppose to be any better, when someone hurts me or attempts to hurt me, I get mad and I get angry. But then it puts me into predicaments like I'm in now, where I lash out at everybody. So yeah, this obviously isn't any better. Look at how messed up my relationships with so many people are. And that's because, I decided that I'm tired of being the one to put myself out there.
So with the people I've been getting into arguments with, I just figure that in order to stop things before they got worse, I'd give 'em what they wanted. For example, in one situation there was a choice of either being friends or not friends: in order for this situation to get any better, right now it really needs to be not friends. In another situation a person told me to stop talking to them, and considering that they've told me enough times to not talk to 'em anymore and to just stay away from them as much as possible, if that's what they really want, then I'm going to give 'em that much. But really, anyone I'm on the outs with right now (which is actually more than just these two people) have only shown me with both their actions and words that this is what they wanted. So until I hear otherwise from whoever, that's how it'll stay.
I'm not gonna play back-and-forth, childish games anymore, with anyone so if that's what you're looking for then just stay the hell away from me. I don't know how to make it any clearer ::shrugs shoulders:: I never thought it'd come down to me having to be this way, acting like a bitch, but you know something, what you "ask" of me is what you're going to get.
~*~Joanna~*~
All I know for sure is that I haven't felt like talking much lately, mainly because everytime I do I say some smartass remark and act like a total bitch. And it's like that with everyone! LoL cuz now some of my friends are turning my own stuff around on me: "pop a midol, jo" "yeah, I wish I could say that was it, but it ain't". Of course, that's what most thought so all my girl friends have been a bit more understanding than some of the guys, LoL.
I just keep on going back to how Diana's said that we've switched places. How she's more sensitive and plain emotional, and how I'm more of the independent, no shit attitude now. How and when this happened, we haven't the slightest clue, but it doesn't look like it's changing again anytime soon.
I also realized lately, and it's something strange and new to me, but okay, say I get into a really deep argument with someone (which I've kinda had a couple of those lately), and they say shit that either hurts me or is intended to hurt me. Well before, I would take everything really personally, and I'd be really sad and everything. And then I'd be sad, and I'd probably cry some, and blah, blah, blah. Well now, I can't stand that. I see it now as sometimes it's okay to cry, but most of the time it's like okay, why the fuck would you cry about this Joanna? I can't even stand to think about how damn sensitive I was, and how I cried over every..little..thing that hurt me. ::rolls eyes::
Well yeah, which gets me to nowadays. Now, and I don't know if this is suppose to be any better, when someone hurts me or attempts to hurt me, I get mad and I get angry. But then it puts me into predicaments like I'm in now, where I lash out at everybody. So yeah, this obviously isn't any better. Look at how messed up my relationships with so many people are. And that's because, I decided that I'm tired of being the one to put myself out there.
So with the people I've been getting into arguments with, I just figure that in order to stop things before they got worse, I'd give 'em what they wanted. For example, in one situation there was a choice of either being friends or not friends: in order for this situation to get any better, right now it really needs to be not friends. In another situation a person told me to stop talking to them, and considering that they've told me enough times to not talk to 'em anymore and to just stay away from them as much as possible, if that's what they really want, then I'm going to give 'em that much. But really, anyone I'm on the outs with right now (which is actually more than just these two people) have only shown me with both their actions and words that this is what they wanted. So until I hear otherwise from whoever, that's how it'll stay.
I'm not gonna play back-and-forth, childish games anymore, with anyone so if that's what you're looking for then just stay the hell away from me. I don't know how to make it any clearer ::shrugs shoulders:: I never thought it'd come down to me having to be this way, acting like a bitch, but you know something, what you "ask" of me is what you're going to get.
~*~Joanna~*~