False Home

[sapphireshards]

This is a feeling
I'd hoped was long gone.
How stupid of me
to presume
all tears had been shed.
such a tender age I'm at,
or so I'm told,
not quite seventeen,
explain to me this tenderness,
that I have yet to see.
homes can be broken
so many different ways,
how many ways is mine?
seventeen in may
with no recollection of childhood
and a terrible bone deep
fear
of being home.
what makes a home?
a place where they have to take you in,
or somewhere with your kin?
No.
home's a place where the heart can rest,
Where the soul can nest.
have I none?
crying my eyes red,
as I stand in the shadows,
watching
my house fall about my ears,
waiting
to hear terrified screams,
knowing
flesh will hit flesh,
hearts will bleed dry.
why,
what the fuck did we do,
what could I have done
to deserve this?
nearly seventeen
with thoughts in my head,
not of love or graduation,
hardly,
more like blood, sobs, anger and fear.
this is a home?
Home.
have I a home,
a place to rest my weary head,
And let my guard fall away?
No.
I have
family
lost among the hateful currents
of the
hell
in which I live.
Home.
Nothing more than a
myth.
Nothing but a false
Illusion.