THE SIMS OMG
sims sims sims sims sims sims
Unfortunately, since installing the Pets expansion pack a few weeks ago, my Sims 3 game is crashing more often than ever before. I'm trying to save regularly but it takes about three minutes for one save and ten minutes to load up the game again after a crash, so it's pretty frustrating.
However I did get a bit more done in the Saga of Simstown!
Note: the town isn't actually called Simstown.
Right, where were we half a year ago...
Now, Ruto Thropp was the princess of lets-call-it-Simstown. Catching up on a bit of history: many many many years ago, Elphaba and Fiyero Thropp had 'ruled' the town, and they had had three girls - Bebop Bapper, Boppin' Jumba and Liirina.
Bebop Bapper was the oldest and so her family 'inherited' Fiyero's facepaint, marking them as their heirs.
Boppin' Jumba was an evil green bitch. She is functionally immortal due to Life Fruit and deals with the Grim Reaper (i.e. cheats) - in fact the Grim Reaper is her son-in-law. She currently lives with her ghost vampire wife Katina.
Liirina was incredibly beautiful and her unbroken line of daughters are still pretty pretty.
Ruto Thropp has inherited the facepaint and the current holder of the title "As Pretty As Liirina", since she's the female heir of both Bebop Bapper and Liirina. There's a loooong story behind her ancestry, which can probably be found in earlier Sims 3 posts.
On Boppin' Jumba's side of the family, she had a MIRACLE CHILD with Katina called Olay d'Nivea. Olay was a vampire ghost like Katina. She fell in love with the Grim Reaper and left to go live in the land of the dead with him - she left behind a son, Anal Ysis, to be raised by her mothers. Anal Ysis has pure black skin like his dad. Yay.
Anyway, Ruto, due to my obsessive need to keep the bloodlines pure and magical, fell in love with her cousin-of-some-sort, Mariarse. (The family is so complicated that I don't even know what kind of cousin Mariarse is, except that his mum's called The Big Arse and his grandmother's called Enjolrarse. Les Mis yay? I think his great-grandparents are also Ruto's great-grandparents, but I have no idea really.)
Here is Mariarse being a bit creepy. Dude, stop trying to eat her head. Wtf.
God Ruto, why are you so self-obsessed.
She doesn't appear particularly happy with Mariarse trying to eat her head.
So she's expecting a baby now, for that is the only reason these family trees exist.
**
On the other side of town, SacredBob Cousland (an escapee from Dragon Age haha) and Anal Ysis (son of Death, grandson of Boppin' Jumba and Katina) were very much in love. They had adopted a pet dog and everything.
"Strange," thinks SacredBob. "I feel like someone's watching me. Of course, who wouldn't want to stare at my buff body of buffness, eh?"
ANAL YSIS YOU LOOK EVEN CREEPIER THAN USUAL WITH THAT BURGLAR MASK.
By the laws of The Cheat Engine - or, in-universe, the laws of Death's Son Fucking Up The World - a MIRACLE BABY was conceived by Anal Ysis.
So this couple too is expecting a baby. You can't expect me to kill off Boppin' Jumba's family line just because they're gay, you know.
**
Pregnancy is a bit of a chore and I couldn't be bothered to actually watch them give birth. For, in the meantime, a new man had moved into Simstown!
His name was Ayame Kudude. He hailed from the land of Fakejapania.
He was indeed a cool dude. Or rather, a Ku Dude.
He's so Ku, he wears his baseball cap sideways!
Also he really likes ponies.
Unfortunately there's no selectable Trait that makes your Sim cool, so I chose the closest ones - Flirty, Friendly, Lucky, Brave and A Great Kisser. His aim in life is to be as Ku as possible - i.e. to have sex with five different Sims in five different places. I can't believe that's actually a proper aim in life in The Sims 3. Of course his favourite food was sushi, for Fakejapania is surprisingly like real Japan only a bit purpler, and his favourite colour was hot pink. Like his pony t-shirt.
He moved in with Lucinda the elderly ghost, and a retired Grim Reaper. (Lucinda can't die of old age due to a glitch, and this Grim Reaper is NOT Anal Ysis's dad because this one is retired.)
When I came round to play with him, I knew that this was his fated home. For a cat called Kawaii Cat had come to move in with him.
I am not making this up. His name was Kawaii Cat. He had obviously followed Ayame on the plane from Fakejapania.
At first Kawaii Cat appeared as a mysterious glowing light -
- but he soon condensed into a physical cat form.
kawaiiiiii
>^..^<
Ayame and Kawaii soon settled into the household.
AYAME STOP IT WHAT ARE YOU DOING
YOU DO REALISE THAT SHE'S OLD ENOUGH TO BE THE GREAT GRANDMOTHER OF YOUR GREAT GRANDMOTHER
I JUST CHECKED
SHE'S 253 DAYS OLD. THAT'S 253 SIMS YEARS TO YOU, MR KUDUDE.
....
On the plus side, at least that's one out of five done.
Lucinda went off on an extended fishing trip, and the retired Grim Reaper returned home after a good day's work in the office.
"Why, he does look rather dashing in that dapper suit," thinks Ayame as he strikes a confident flirty pose.
"Golly, look at the body on that purple dude," thinks Death. "I knew there was a reason why I joined this mortal world."
"I'm so kawaii," thinks Kawaii.
You can probably guess what happened next.
SEXY PIXELATED HOT TUB ACTION, OF COURSE!
However, Lucinda and Grim's house was rather small. Ayame had to put the hot tub he'd ordered into the nursery room.
...
This is, in fact, the very same nursery where Elphaba and Fiyero raised their three children.
Meanwhile, Kawaii Cat was being a kawaii cat.
Tune in next time for the story of Ruto's Unnamed Child and Anal Ytical, daughter of Anal Ysis!
Also Ayame Kudude continues on his epic quest of (sexy) self-discovery, accompanied by his animal sidekick Kawaii Cat.
Unfortunately, since installing the Pets expansion pack a few weeks ago, my Sims 3 game is crashing more often than ever before. I'm trying to save regularly but it takes about three minutes for one save and ten minutes to load up the game again after a crash, so it's pretty frustrating.
However I did get a bit more done in the Saga of Simstown!
Note: the town isn't actually called Simstown.
Right, where were we half a year ago...
Now, Ruto Thropp was the princess of lets-call-it-Simstown. Catching up on a bit of history: many many many years ago, Elphaba and Fiyero Thropp had 'ruled' the town, and they had had three girls - Bebop Bapper, Boppin' Jumba and Liirina.
Bebop Bapper was the oldest and so her family 'inherited' Fiyero's facepaint, marking them as their heirs.
Boppin' Jumba was an evil green bitch. She is functionally immortal due to Life Fruit and deals with the Grim Reaper (i.e. cheats) - in fact the Grim Reaper is her son-in-law. She currently lives with her ghost vampire wife Katina.
Liirina was incredibly beautiful and her unbroken line of daughters are still pretty pretty.
Ruto Thropp has inherited the facepaint and the current holder of the title "As Pretty As Liirina", since she's the female heir of both Bebop Bapper and Liirina. There's a loooong story behind her ancestry, which can probably be found in earlier Sims 3 posts.
On Boppin' Jumba's side of the family, she had a MIRACLE CHILD with Katina called Olay d'Nivea. Olay was a vampire ghost like Katina. She fell in love with the Grim Reaper and left to go live in the land of the dead with him - she left behind a son, Anal Ysis, to be raised by her mothers. Anal Ysis has pure black skin like his dad. Yay.
Anyway, Ruto, due to my obsessive need to keep the bloodlines pure and magical, fell in love with her cousin-of-some-sort, Mariarse. (The family is so complicated that I don't even know what kind of cousin Mariarse is, except that his mum's called The Big Arse and his grandmother's called Enjolrarse. Les Mis yay? I think his great-grandparents are also Ruto's great-grandparents, but I have no idea really.)
Here is Mariarse being a bit creepy. Dude, stop trying to eat her head. Wtf.
God Ruto, why are you so self-obsessed.
She doesn't appear particularly happy with Mariarse trying to eat her head.
So she's expecting a baby now, for that is the only reason these family trees exist.
**
On the other side of town, SacredBob Cousland (an escapee from Dragon Age haha) and Anal Ysis (son of Death, grandson of Boppin' Jumba and Katina) were very much in love. They had adopted a pet dog and everything.
"Strange," thinks SacredBob. "I feel like someone's watching me. Of course, who wouldn't want to stare at my buff body of buffness, eh?"
ANAL YSIS YOU LOOK EVEN CREEPIER THAN USUAL WITH THAT BURGLAR MASK.
By the laws of The Cheat Engine - or, in-universe, the laws of Death's Son Fucking Up The World - a MIRACLE BABY was conceived by Anal Ysis.
So this couple too is expecting a baby. You can't expect me to kill off Boppin' Jumba's family line just because they're gay, you know.
**
Pregnancy is a bit of a chore and I couldn't be bothered to actually watch them give birth. For, in the meantime, a new man had moved into Simstown!
His name was Ayame Kudude. He hailed from the land of Fakejapania.
He was indeed a cool dude. Or rather, a Ku Dude.
He's so Ku, he wears his baseball cap sideways!
Also he really likes ponies.
Unfortunately there's no selectable Trait that makes your Sim cool, so I chose the closest ones - Flirty, Friendly, Lucky, Brave and A Great Kisser. His aim in life is to be as Ku as possible - i.e. to have sex with five different Sims in five different places. I can't believe that's actually a proper aim in life in The Sims 3. Of course his favourite food was sushi, for Fakejapania is surprisingly like real Japan only a bit purpler, and his favourite colour was hot pink. Like his pony t-shirt.
He moved in with Lucinda the elderly ghost, and a retired Grim Reaper. (Lucinda can't die of old age due to a glitch, and this Grim Reaper is NOT Anal Ysis's dad because this one is retired.)
When I came round to play with him, I knew that this was his fated home. For a cat called Kawaii Cat had come to move in with him.
I am not making this up. His name was Kawaii Cat. He had obviously followed Ayame on the plane from Fakejapania.
At first Kawaii Cat appeared as a mysterious glowing light -
- but he soon condensed into a physical cat form.
kawaiiiiii
>^..^<
Ayame and Kawaii soon settled into the household.
AYAME STOP IT WHAT ARE YOU DOING
YOU DO REALISE THAT SHE'S OLD ENOUGH TO BE THE GREAT GRANDMOTHER OF YOUR GREAT GRANDMOTHER
I JUST CHECKED
SHE'S 253 DAYS OLD. THAT'S 253 SIMS YEARS TO YOU, MR KUDUDE.
....
On the plus side, at least that's one out of five done.
Lucinda went off on an extended fishing trip, and the retired Grim Reaper returned home after a good day's work in the office.
"Why, he does look rather dashing in that dapper suit," thinks Ayame as he strikes a confident flirty pose.
"Golly, look at the body on that purple dude," thinks Death. "I knew there was a reason why I joined this mortal world."
"I'm so kawaii," thinks Kawaii.
You can probably guess what happened next.
SEXY PIXELATED HOT TUB ACTION, OF COURSE!
However, Lucinda and Grim's house was rather small. Ayame had to put the hot tub he'd ordered into the nursery room.
...
This is, in fact, the very same nursery where Elphaba and Fiyero raised their three children.
Meanwhile, Kawaii Cat was being a kawaii cat.
Tune in next time for the story of Ruto's Unnamed Child and Anal Ytical, daughter of Anal Ysis!
Also Ayame Kudude continues on his epic quest of (sexy) self-discovery, accompanied by his animal sidekick Kawaii Cat.