Oh God

[sapphire_etoile]

I gave my number to a guy for the first time in over two years. A very hot, 28 year old guy who works at a consulting firm in DC. Who is sitting right across from me. I'm still in shock that I had the balls to do it. But I did it

Comments

[violettphoenix]

"But at least I'm not Kara and I'm not sleeping with inappropriate guys...or appropriate guys in circumstances that I don't feel are appropriate."

Ok, Cruel + Unusual.

First of all, you know none of that is true!

Second of all, sensitivity, sensitivity, I'm just the sensitivity fairy, here to remind you, that you forgot to use it when writing this post!

Third of all, I don't feel the need to even shout through the halls "I'M NOT SLEEPING WITH HIM" -- because, if I know what I'm doing that's all that matters.

Fourthly, I realize this was a stab/ joking in intent -- however, I'd like the jokes to subside a bit, because even if intended that way, I still take them pretty hard.

And Lastly,

I still love you, and I think you are doing well with yourself these days . What better time than summer for change. And all of that. But I am pretty sensitive, so try to be a little more understanding.

P.S. I don't like Mason afterall! Which could be a situation in itself, because he thinks everyone loves him. And turns out he is total womanizer.

[sapphire_etoile]

Sorry sweetie. I know we talked about this a little last night, but I want to reassure Z and Jessie and whoever else is reading this (because I didn't actually think that anyone did)...that wasn't what I meant, I was in shock, and yeah it was insensitive but it wasn't meant to be a jab at you. You just happened to be the example at hand (okay, that didn't sound right either but bear with me).

Basically, I've been worried that I'm just going to go off the deep end after everything that happened with Nathaniel, say "fuck it" and just be a big flirt. I've had to really rein myself in more than I think anyone actually realizes to stop myself from doing that. I see it in terms of valuing myself, which I really need to do right now (again, not saying that you aren't, this is all coming from my issues and my perspective right now). I know a lot of people who have ended serious relationships who've just gone on a spree of sleeping around. Maybe its part of the healing process, I don't know. I'm just trying to keep myself in line and your situation with Mason reminded me why I don't want to be that girl, and it also reminded me that I have it within myself to be.

Basically it scares me that I even want to do it at all.

I hope that makes more sense then what I was saying last night, because rereading this I realized what it was I was unintentionally alluding to. So none of that was a jab at you and it wasn't even really joking--my brain works in weird ways but there was absolutely no intention to hurt you or put you down. It was an unconscious problem of mine that managed to find its way to the surface in the midst of my freaking out. I know you're still quite sensitive and I should have thought of that before just spewing all my thoughts out in a crazed, panicked manner. I'm incredibly proud of you and the progress that you've made and I meant what I said the other night when you believed that I was giving you too much credit. It's not too much credit, I know you, and I know what you're capable of. You most certainly are more than capable of overcoming this and I know that you will.