(no subject)
After a long "therapy" session, I came to some realizations. Of which I'm sure to forget once the situations presents itself again.. but in this moment of clarity I feel good. I have been really wondering why I seem to get myself in situations that im sure will be detrimental to me and dramatic as a whole. My conclusions:
1) Although I abhor drama.. I seem to get myself in these situations, knowing that it is quite likely that drama will ensue. Maybe this is a classic defense mechanism. I can distract myself from my core issues by focusing on an "issue" that is of no real emotional consequence to me. Of course in order for it to be a worthwhile distraction I have to invest some of myself into it, thus convincing myself that I am emotionally involved. Funny how we can deceive ourselves.
2) I get myself involved with people I know are no good for me because, as the typical product of dysfunction, I dont believe I deserve happiness. Not to mention if I am realy invested in the outcome and it fails, I will be crushed. If one of these trysts comes to an end, I really wont have a void to fill.. Sure I'll have to find another distraction, which becomes tiresome, but hey nothing gained.. nothing lost. Life goes on.
May not seem like much of an epiphany to you but its a start on this end. There is so much more, but my brain hurts from all this thinking.. so I'll end here. To be continued, on the next episode of Dr. Phil.
1) Although I abhor drama.. I seem to get myself in these situations, knowing that it is quite likely that drama will ensue. Maybe this is a classic defense mechanism. I can distract myself from my core issues by focusing on an "issue" that is of no real emotional consequence to me. Of course in order for it to be a worthwhile distraction I have to invest some of myself into it, thus convincing myself that I am emotionally involved. Funny how we can deceive ourselves.
2) I get myself involved with people I know are no good for me because, as the typical product of dysfunction, I dont believe I deserve happiness. Not to mention if I am realy invested in the outcome and it fails, I will be crushed. If one of these trysts comes to an end, I really wont have a void to fill.. Sure I'll have to find another distraction, which becomes tiresome, but hey nothing gained.. nothing lost. Life goes on.
May not seem like much of an epiphany to you but its a start on this end. There is so much more, but my brain hurts from all this thinking.. so I'll end here. To be continued, on the next episode of Dr. Phil.