Being Myself
Okay, I always try to eschew being miserable on livejournal coz I don't know the boundary between emo and emotion. So I guess here it goes. Me venting.
Well, what can I say? I don't know how obvious it is, but I guess it will be now:
I don't understand people.
As in I don't understand why they do and say things and sometimes I think that there's some kind of contrasting implication and phrases usually can only mean one thing to me (i.e. if you say someone's cute, to me you must have a crush on them, if people are smiling and listening and prompting me when I talk about something, to me it must mean that they're just being polite). I am learning and I can tell when someone is genuinely listening. I find it weird when people are like that though, it's because I'm so used to doing it myself.
To all of you reading this, all of whom will know me in some way, please don't think I hate any of you or anything like that, I would never hate any of you, unless of course you tried to kill me or something like that.
The solution to not understanding people is simple: un-not understand them. It's like maths (advice I should have thought up in school this is), if you don't understand algebra, then understand it. If you don't understand what's going on in such and such a shop, go into said shop and surround yourself with it; it'll probably be easier to understand then. Even better, ask someone who is a customer/worker of the shop. Right? Do I make sense? Well, I mean, if I don't understand people then all I have to do is surround myself with them. If I'm stuck, then I ask or hang out with someone who does understand them. I think I'm getting better at it too.
I think that because I can tell when someone is interested in what I'm saying. Like last week in the library with Amy :-), I knew her and already knew it was unlikely that she was just listening to me because it was polite. I could tell you were interested in what I was saying! :-)
I'm genuinely ashamed of myself for what Jeremy has to continually say over the phone which is not nice for him and I am thinking about all the stuff you said babes, admittedly I'm finding bits of it hard to comprehend, but I think I get the idea. Last night I thought about how you think everyone's equal and used examples.
I guess all this melancholia came with its own little bonus: the 3 or 4 pages of stream of conscious poetic ramblings. Look out, I'm composing music for one of them, The Ascension Of The Cosmic Nose, my personal favorite. Plus I got a new pseudonym.
TORI POCOHSHREW
:-) Look at that name very, very carefully and you'll know how I came up with it. I did that last night while I was thinking about names for the cast of my new (and best) story Redondo Beach.
Well, that's it for melancholia. This has helped me so much.