My darling daughter-to-be
There is not a day that goes by that I do not think about this life inside a womb that for years I was thoroughly convinced was barren.
I continually look to the future and pray to the Lord and Lady that the decisions that I am already making in her life are the right ones. Suddenly, every decision could affect someone else. I am a flurry of emotions as my first pregnancy comes to a close. Can I do this? I haven't a clue. What will happen if I can't? A poor defenseless child will be effected. Every thought weighs heavily on my shoulders as of late. I cannot just say "Yeah, this Christmas, let's go to every family members' one after another." I will have a little girl that'll be approximately 3 months old at that time to worry about. How best to travel to see this family? I don't know. I don't want to miss anyone, especially seeing as it will be my little Lorelei's first Christmas.
One minute, I am excited, my heart runs aflutter. Anytime now, I could meet this precious little girl who has squirmed when Mommy was upset, leaving Mommy in giggle and wonderment, this little girl who showed me hope in things I thought I could never hope for.
What will she look like? What will she act like? What can I do to make sure she is a healthy responsible adult in 20 years? The questions are always on my mind.
Than, in the back of my mind, is of course the constant fear of something like SIDS. I have always said that one should prepare for the worst, but hope for the best. I can tell you already, there is no way to prepare for SIDS, for something so incredibly final. My daughter is still in my womb, and when these little things pop into my head, i already feel a panic, a fear that is undescribable. I know that all I can do is my best.
That leads me to another thought though, here I am, referring to this whole raising a child thing as "I" do this or that. I believe, at least to some extent, it does take a village to raise a child. If each of us were only raised and influenced by our mothers and fathers, we would be at least partially close minded people. Not that any of our parents are close minded, but think of some of the changes in life perspective that many of us have gained since moving out, and seeing that someone else may arrange their kitchens a different way, or even live in a completely different way. I know that in raising Lorelei, I will never be alone. I have a wonderful man that is to be her father. She is also blessed with amazing grandparents. I already wonder not only what I would do without my birth family, who has done so much for my own little family, but for my future in-laws. Lorelei has begun to bring together two families that may have never been all that close otherwise and has begun to meld them as one huge one. To watch this melding happen is simply amazing!
In short, there are some short term problems that currently feel huge. My heart says we will get through them, though, and before we know it, we will be onto new ones and looking back, wondering why these ones felt so damn huge.
As an artist I say this, the groundwork for my first major masterpiece is almost done. I am very excited to soon be unveiling her to the world, and allowing other potential artists to help me mold and sculpt her, for everything is a lesson in life.
I continually look to the future and pray to the Lord and Lady that the decisions that I am already making in her life are the right ones. Suddenly, every decision could affect someone else. I am a flurry of emotions as my first pregnancy comes to a close. Can I do this? I haven't a clue. What will happen if I can't? A poor defenseless child will be effected. Every thought weighs heavily on my shoulders as of late. I cannot just say "Yeah, this Christmas, let's go to every family members' one after another." I will have a little girl that'll be approximately 3 months old at that time to worry about. How best to travel to see this family? I don't know. I don't want to miss anyone, especially seeing as it will be my little Lorelei's first Christmas.
One minute, I am excited, my heart runs aflutter. Anytime now, I could meet this precious little girl who has squirmed when Mommy was upset, leaving Mommy in giggle and wonderment, this little girl who showed me hope in things I thought I could never hope for.
What will she look like? What will she act like? What can I do to make sure she is a healthy responsible adult in 20 years? The questions are always on my mind.
Than, in the back of my mind, is of course the constant fear of something like SIDS. I have always said that one should prepare for the worst, but hope for the best. I can tell you already, there is no way to prepare for SIDS, for something so incredibly final. My daughter is still in my womb, and when these little things pop into my head, i already feel a panic, a fear that is undescribable. I know that all I can do is my best.
That leads me to another thought though, here I am, referring to this whole raising a child thing as "I" do this or that. I believe, at least to some extent, it does take a village to raise a child. If each of us were only raised and influenced by our mothers and fathers, we would be at least partially close minded people. Not that any of our parents are close minded, but think of some of the changes in life perspective that many of us have gained since moving out, and seeing that someone else may arrange their kitchens a different way, or even live in a completely different way. I know that in raising Lorelei, I will never be alone. I have a wonderful man that is to be her father. She is also blessed with amazing grandparents. I already wonder not only what I would do without my birth family, who has done so much for my own little family, but for my future in-laws. Lorelei has begun to bring together two families that may have never been all that close otherwise and has begun to meld them as one huge one. To watch this melding happen is simply amazing!
In short, there are some short term problems that currently feel huge. My heart says we will get through them, though, and before we know it, we will be onto new ones and looking back, wondering why these ones felt so damn huge.
As an artist I say this, the groundwork for my first major masterpiece is almost done. I am very excited to soon be unveiling her to the world, and allowing other potential artists to help me mold and sculpt her, for everything is a lesson in life.