Rocker Pastimes, addendum
Also, I have been giving out Unintentional Triple Entendre of the Day Awards at lunch. I was considering handing out bottle-cap medals also (painted with nailpolish, of course), but I drink neither beer nor soda, and everyone I know who does drinks the slop out of cans.
In the past week or so, winners have included:
"Up for a little window shopping?"
"I can't! I'm busy! I'm certifying her" *points to me* "and her!" *points to my boss*
"You'll learn to take Flora for what she's worth."
"Department of Human Services"
In addition to all the readings you can imagine for that last, my weird auditory verbal parsing added a couple extra layers of meaning. The conversational context was thus:
Phone: *RING*
Me: "Hello, [insert place of employment], this is [Me] speaking. Whom might I ask is calling?" *internal snicker over ambiguities in second sentence*
Some Lady: "Hello, this is the Department of Hume In-Services."
Me: *chokes on coffee*
Some Lady: "..."
Me: *cough* "Ex...cuse me? I didn't quite catch that."
Some Lady: *annoyed and over-enunciating* "Deep Art Meant of Humans' Orifices."
Me: *panics* *grabs pen and jots phrase phonetically* "Department of--"
Some Lady: "HUMANS SERVE ISIS."
Me: *jots* "Human...Services, right." *parses that too many ways also* *fights off Lolthulhu imagery* "What can I do for you, ma'am?"
Some Lady: "May I please speak to [Coworker]? Or [Coworker]?"
Me: *tries to transfer* "Oh, I'm terribly sorry, ma'am. They don't seem to be in. May I take a message?"
Some Lady: "...No."
Phone: *click*
In the past week or so, winners have included:
"Up for a little window shopping?"
"I can't! I'm busy! I'm certifying her" *points to me* "and her!" *points to my boss*
"You'll learn to take Flora for what she's worth."
"Department of Human Services"
In addition to all the readings you can imagine for that last, my weird auditory verbal parsing added a couple extra layers of meaning. The conversational context was thus:
Phone: *RING*
Me: "Hello, [insert place of employment], this is [Me] speaking. Whom might I ask is calling?" *internal snicker over ambiguities in second sentence*
Some Lady: "Hello, this is the Department of Hume In-Services."
Me: *chokes on coffee*
Some Lady: "..."
Me: *cough* "Ex...cuse me? I didn't quite catch that."
Some Lady: *annoyed and over-enunciating* "Deep Art Meant of Humans' Orifices."
Me: *panics* *grabs pen and jots phrase phonetically* "Department of--"
Some Lady: "HUMANS SERVE ISIS."
Me: *jots* "Human...Services, right." *parses that too many ways also* *fights off Lolthulhu imagery* "What can I do for you, ma'am?"
Some Lady: "May I please speak to [Coworker]? Or [Coworker]?"
Me: *tries to transfer* "Oh, I'm terribly sorry, ma'am. They don't seem to be in. May I take a message?"
Some Lady: "...No."
Phone: *click*