I've seen many people argue that women need to adopt more "masculine" behaviors in order to succeed (e.g. competitiveness, aggression, etc.), which always gets on my nerves because a)it's a form of victim-blaming that deflects accountability from the power structures that develop and reenforce the inequalities, and b) because having "success" depend upon such anti-social qualities is a bad thing that needs to be changed to something pro-social. I didn't get that sense from this particular article, though.
One of the worst normal-ish situations for me is when someone expects me to do something I'm not capable of. It fucks with me, physically and mentally, in a way I know is abnormal. So, like most anxiety feedback loops, in an effort to avoid ever having someone's expectations for me cross the line of my actual abilities, my comfort level with what someone *can* expect from me has pulled further and further back from reality. (This probably plays into the smart-kids-not-doing-challenging-things-for-fear-of-failure thing that we've talked about before, too.)
So the message I took from it was to let my estimation of my abilities better reflect reality, and to not see my ability limitations be a hard line that can under no circumstances be crossed lest the world come to an end. I don't know if I can do it, but it's nice to hear someone say that it's okay if I overestimate my competence a little bit. Without that freedom, I'm too afraid of crossing the line to ever actually have any idea where it is.
I didn't get that sense from this particular article, though.
I didn't either -- I was just kind of riffing on some issues that the article made me think of.
it's nice to hear someone say that it's okay if I overestimate my competence a little bit. Without that freedom, I'm too afraid of crossing the line to ever actually have any idea where it is.
Yeah, I hadn't thought about it that way before. It's really interesting. I think in the past, especially when writing research papers for a class or writing about complicated topics for a blog, I have probably overestimated my abilities at certain points. This leads to huge anxiety as I am immersed in the project, already committed to it, but experiencing the sinking "holy shit i bit off way more than i can chew!" feeling. In the end, though, I think I've always come out of those situations better off. It's good to rise to a challenge and improve my abilities in the process.
It's good to rise to a challenge and improve my abilities in the process.
I really like the way you phrased this. I have to keep reminding myself that the only way to grow is to reach a little beyond what I can comfortably do.
One of the worst normal-ish situations for me is when someone expects me to do something I'm not capable of. It fucks with me, physically and mentally, in a way I know is abnormal. So, like most anxiety feedback loops, in an effort to avoid ever having someone's expectations for me cross the line of my actual abilities, my comfort level with what someone *can* expect from me has pulled further and further back from reality. (This probably plays into the smart-kids-not-doing-challenging-things-for-fear-of-failure thing that we've talked about before, too.)
So the message I took from it was to let my estimation of my abilities better reflect reality, and to not see my ability limitations be a hard line that can under no circumstances be crossed lest the world come to an end. I don't know if I can do it, but it's nice to hear someone say that it's okay if I overestimate my competence a little bit. Without that freedom, I'm too afraid of crossing the line to ever actually have any idea where it is.
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I didn't either -- I was just kind of riffing on some issues that the article made me think of.
it's nice to hear someone say that it's okay if I overestimate my competence a little bit. Without that freedom, I'm too afraid of crossing the line to ever actually have any idea where it is.
Yeah, I hadn't thought about it that way before. It's really interesting. I think in the past, especially when writing research papers for a class or writing about complicated topics for a blog, I have probably overestimated my abilities at certain points. This leads to huge anxiety as I am immersed in the project, already committed to it, but experiencing the sinking "holy shit i bit off way more than i can chew!" feeling. In the end, though, I think I've always come out of those situations better off. It's good to rise to a challenge and improve my abilities in the process.
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I really like the way you phrased this. I have to keep reminding myself that the only way to grow is to reach a little beyond what I can comfortably do.
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