(no subject)
Right now I don't know what I am doing, how I am to live. I am upset, sad, and worried. You all know how life has been for me and since tuesday I have been a wreck, I need help. I am now drunk in a bad way, I haven't eaten since i have seen him and drank a littl etoo much and smoked. I just don't care. I wish life was better. I need more prayer. I guess I don't think I can get through my problems without him, I was finally getting through the toughest parts and just was trying to handle the distance. How can I be so stupid and hurt us like this. The past comes up when I feel its repeating, what am I to do. please sopmeone make me happy, I need help. Last time i didn't have access to these many possibilities that I have now, I am 21 and alone. I know that there are ppl out there that believe I am too young to be thinking about how my future will end up, but I am a lot older in mind set. I have been through pain and have taken care of ppl, and have lost my childhood. I just want some control of my life, I have regretted the past, but now I feel that I should have said no and not gone through this pain. I feel it did no good. I have always had the impression that it wasn't possible for us to get back together unless I was over things and I should have trusted myself, but instead i trusted the help. I was strong again and probably could have gotten help, but now I am hurt and I think screw me once your bad screw me twice mine. just how can I go back to a third and is there a third? I worry that he will date, it happened before, what is going to stop it from happening again. He will find someone great and I will be left here to rot. All I can hope for now is that God will still love me for my wrong doings. Please pray