I Don't Know
I just realized why i can't stand up to my parents..why i don't just say i'm eighteen and now you can go shove that nice update up your tight asses..I had an epiphany..and now i finally understand..
Today sucked ass..idk why..i'm pmsing or something cause it really sucked..
To top off my take-it-from-me suck ass day..i had to come home cause its my sisters birthday..which i didn't mind cause i love my sister..
All i get is shit from my dad..i'm selfish..i'm stupid..i did this wrong i didn't do this and now the cats gonna choke and die and that'll make my mom upsett and then she'll cry and go insane and start killing people by spreading a desease that takes 2 seconds to catch from person to person..this will..of course..lead to the destruction of human kind and IT WILL BE ALL MY FAULT..and maybe the cats a little for eating that godamn piece of chicken...he hates me
i know he hates me..one time i was crying and i told my sister that i thought he hated me and she said ''i know''..then i told my mom and she told me to stop being dramatic...
Maybe its because i'm not his real daughter..i guess it doesn't matter why he treats me like his monkey bitch..i follow..i always do what he says..and i finally realized why..
my mom..she can be overprotective..but not in the i-want-to-exert-my-power-over-you-and-laugh-at-your-suffering way that my dad is overprotective..but in the i-care-about-you-way-too-much-for-my-and-your-own-good...she tries so hard and gives things up for me ..i know she loves me..probably because i'm her first daughter and we have a bond because my dad left both of us..not that the reason matters
i try not to hurt the people i love..i love my dad...i don't know why..he doesn't love me..i know that..but i can't help it..i don't want to dissapoint him..but i do everyday so one more fight where i know i'll win won't matter
Not only do i not want to dissapoint my mom..but i don't want to lose her..shes happy with my dad..he loves her..i don't want to make her chose between me and my dad even if its something small and stupid like a sleepover..she works all the time and tries her hardest to give me a life she couldn't have..and to scream at my dad would mean screaming at her..i can't hurt her anymore than i have..shes so stressed about my future..i'll just bow my head and do what i'm told..i feel like an indian woman. It's only a few more months anyway..i can at least be strong enough and less selfish for that long.
peace is not an option
crys