Not looking for a pity party just venting
I feel completely rejected, replaced and unimportant lately. It seems largely due to MY inability to keep in contact with people via call, text, e-mail, FB/MS, etc... that I have been replaced in many of my friends lives. This sucks. Not something I intentionally do/did... it just seems to happen. I get depressed or don't have money or am to far away or whatever and don't reach out or pick up when others reach out or make it out to all events and all of a sudden, boom I'm out and "insert name" is in. You'd think by now I would realize this fucked up pattern in my life and change it right.... nope not me. I don't seem to learn from my cycles, paths, or past mistakes.... The worst part being that I have no one to blame but myself and no matter how hard I try to re-instate myself.... I fail. I see that my friends lives have gone on without me in them and it makes me really sad. I see them seemingly un-effected by my absence, which then makes me doubt my importance to them all the more. I look at the person/people that is/are now where I used to be and I'm insanely jealous. Am I happy that my friends are well and happy?? Of course I am! I just miss them!