Things fall to pieces...

[saphire20]

Comments

[saphire20]

No I just started writing this because of something he had said about thinking about finding somebody else, so he could have an affair emotionally.

[saphire20]

That is what I was refering to when I was talking about him talking about another woman.

[mor_than_this]

Maybe he was just teasing? My own husband does that a lot when what he really means is that he wants me to be more attentive to his needs.

[saphire20]

He did mean it. He was saying that I do not pay enough attention and he feels I do not love him. It wasn't a joke. He was saying it to hurt me.

[mor_than_this]

And still, you say it yourself that what he needs is more attention and love. I know it is hard to give more of it when he says things that hurt you, but I believe he only ponders the idea of another (maybe a nonexistent perfect) woman because his needs aren't met. And I know we're not perfect and we can't always meet all their needs, that's why this is the point to stop and not let things deteriorate. What I do at such times is I initiate a calm, open heart to heart conversation, and I ask him to tell me how he really feels, what he needs. I try to think what I can do to try to make things feel better for him, and then I share my own feelings so that he'd understand them and see if he can do something for me. Usually these conversations bring our relationship back on track.

[saphire20]

We had one of those conversations. Things are woring out better for now.

[mor_than_this]

I'm happy to hear that. I think when a couple knows how to have these conversations when necessary, it is a recipe for a long lasting marriage.