Asexuality meme
Long time no serious post lol... Found this meme on a rare trip to Tumblr (at 
asexualheart) and thought I'd fill it out for the hell of it.
This is apparently a thing. But I don't have 30 days worth of patience and I love filling out long memes, so I'm just going to do all of these right now, haha.
1. What is your romantic/sexual orientation?
Asexual, more or less panromantic I guess. I'm aesthetically attracted to guys and androgyny, tend to be more romantically attracted to girls. All the people I've ever thought "I wouldn't mind spending the rest of my life with you" about were female.
2. Are you out? To whom?
To my online friends and one or two IRL friends. Otherwise no.
3. How old were you when you realized you were asexual? What made you realize it?
I was about 17 and had been questioning my sexuality for a long time -- I pretty much went through the crossing-labels-off-the-list experience that many asexuals do. I didn't experience any of those "normal" heterosexual feelings most of my peers were going through in high school, never had a desire to date a guy, so for a while I thought I must be gay. But I just wasn't sexually interested in girls either. I had concluded that I was just frigid or psychologically damaged somehow, until I stumbled upon the (at the time, fairly new and just moved from the Amoeba mailing list; I think it was around 2002) AVEN website. It was a relief to realize I wasn't the only one who felt this way.
4. Do you identify as a part of the queer community? What communities do you identify with?
Not really. I guess technically I'm more queer than not, but it isn't someplace I feel welcome. A lot of people in the queer community don't seem to want asexuals there, so I don't want to intrude on their space, and the label isn't that important to me -- calling myself "queer" rather than "asexual" really just creates misunderstandings anyway.
5. Tell the story of the first person you came out to.
Honestly, I don't remember. It was probably an online friend. The first time I came out IRL though, it was in college and I was enjoying this opportunity to be out about my identity the way I hadn't felt able to in high school. The person I told -- a new friend from class -- didn't really believe me and said some asshole things about how I was probably just repressed, but it didn't bother me too much, more of a mild annoyance than anything. I guess you could say I was comfortable with who I was and didn't need someone else's belief to validate me. Also, he turned out to be a total jerk, very scary and equally likely to say asshole things about any other topic. Yeeeeaahhhh I don't talk to him anymore lol... After that I think the next time I came out was when visiting in support of our school's fledgling GSA, and the people there were pretty comfortable with it. It was such a tiny club I think they were pretty much glad to have anyone at all there.
6. Have you faced oppression because of your asexuality, whether institutional or societal?
Not really, no, lucky for me. I've had a few hurt feelings over it but nothing has happened to me that's ever been truly damaging. I suppose the thing that bothers me most is the great unlikelihood that I'll ever get to settle down in a relationship.
7. Who’s your favorite Doctor? (Or, do you have a favorite asexual character?)
I don't like Doctor Who and I don't have any favorite asexual characters. Quite honestly, I'm extremely disappointed by the representation in media of people who are supposed to be "asexual". I don't claim BBC Sherlock either and it makes me kind of embarrassed that so many other people seem to think he's this great asexual character. I'm just tired of seeing all asexuals portrayed as inhuman or fundamentally messed-up somehow.
8. Do you believe there should be asexual pride? What do you imagine it being like?
Depends on what we're talking about. If you mean Pride like an asexual pride parade, I guess, why not? I probably wouldn't go, though, these things tend to be held in big cities far away from where I live so I can't get to them. If you mean the concept in general, of course everyone should be proud about being true to themselves, whether that's ace, gray, bi, gay, lesbian, pan, straight, whatever.
9. What does being asexual mean to you?
Not all that much. It's just another physical aspect of being me, like the color of my hair or the size of my toes. I don't think one's sense of identity should completely revolve around one's sexuality.
10. What have other people said about your asexuality?
I've heard quite a few of the responses on the Asexual Bingo Card, lol. I suppose the one I get the most off said card is just "that's impossible, there's no such thing". I've also had people be quite interested and ask lots more questions -- sometimes very personal ones, like how often I masturbate lol; I know a lot of people don't like answering this sort of thing but if it's a friend, for me I actually enjoy discussing this stuff in detail -- and then lots of people who just shrug and go on with their lives like the decent folks they are.
11. If you’re out, talk about the most accepting person you’ve come out to. If you’re not out, talk about what you would hope a coming out experience would be like.
All my online friends are very accepting. For the most part the issue doesn't even come up in my daily life because... no one cares? That's just the way I am. I'm not out to most people IRL though.
12. Your favorite asexual Tumblr site.
Don't have one, I'm not on Tumblr very much tbh.
13. Your favorite asexual website.
Don't really have one. I enjoyed AVEN when I was a teenager but I've kind of grown out of it. I don't search out asexual spaces very often anymore.
14. Tell us about a time you met another asexual, whether in real life or online.
I was astonished when one of my friends in a new fandom, a great writer and prolific author of smut fanfic, turned out to be a fellow asexual. It was and still is the first time I'd ever had an ace friend, so it was great to get to discuss some of our shared experiences. It also gives me hope that someday I too will stop sucking at writing smutfic lol.
15. Your favorite asexual character/celebrity/person.
Don't have one.
16. Your favorite “asexual” book (as in, sex and/or romance are not the main focus).
I don't really separate out works-that-are-asexual from works-that-are-not, particularly as I'm a romantic asexual myself, so I enjoy media with romantic relationships. The next-to-last book I read, though, Lies of Locke Lamora, is interesting to me in that the protagonist appears to be demisexual. I'm not sure I can recommend this book or call it a favorite, though; it was very interesting, but very violent and has some issues in its treatment of women.
17. Your favorite “asexual” movie.
Don't have one, for the same reasons as listed above. I also don't watch many movies.
18. Tell us a funny joke about asexuality.
Sorry, I'm not the funny type. ;)
19. What do relationships mean to you?
Something that I can't have, basically, which depresses me at times.
20. Tell us about your partner(s). If you are not in a relationship, tell us about your best friend(s).
I have neither at the moment. I have a lot of friends that I cherish a great deal, but I wouldn't say any of them are significantly closer to me than others. Which is something else that kind of depresses me. I used to have closer friends, but I don't think most of the people I know these days are interested in me that deeply.
21. Your favorite asexual quote.
This quote from here sums up my experience trying to understand sexual attraction in a nutshell, lol.
"...it seems like everyone is functioning under the idea that a person knows sexual attraction when they feel it, and thus there is no reason to actually figure out how to talk about it. Descriptions of what sexual attraction tend to be the equivalent to saying “my borogoves feel mimsy” which leads to:
Asexual person: Your who are what?
Sexual person: My borogoves, they feel mimsy
Asexual person: I don’t understand
Sexual person: You know your borogoves?
Asexual person: No
Sexual person: Okay, well, they’re the things that can feel mimsy.
Asexual person: USE DIFFERENT WORDS
And then people turn to vague metaphors, which are only slightly more helpful."
22. What do you believe causes asexuality?
I don't know, what causes homosexuality or heterosexuality? We might never understand completely. I don't think it's important.
23. What is your favorite asexual pride image?
I don't have one. Actually, I really, really hate the asexual pride colors, lol. They're not very cheerful and they're kind of ugly so I try to just pretend they don't exist.
24. Write something or post a picture about asexuality that upsets you.
I don't have any upsetting pictures and I'm not sure I understand the question, so I'm going to skip this one.
25. What is the worst argument you’ve heard against asexuality?
That it's impossible to just not be attracted to people or not want to have sex. If you accept the existence of people with hyperactive sex drives, as most do, why doesn't it logically follow that some of us would also be the opposite?
26. Who is your biggest ally?
My online friends.
27. What is your favorite types of cake?
Cheesecake, chocolate, carrot or spice, but I really don't like cake all that much. I'm not wild about it being used as an asexual symbol either.
28. What is your favorite type of pie? (Or, is pie an acceptable replacement for cake?)
Apple or peach.
29. Where did you first learn about asexuality?
I forget whether it was the Haven for the Human Amoeba mailing list or AVEN -- at the time, the mailing list population was just getting moved over to the website.
30. Tell us anything about asexuality that you want to end with.
I think the most depressing thing about being asexual is I would desperately love to be in a relationship with someone, get married, live together, but I don't think it will ever happen. I dream about meeting my asexual sweetheart someday. :(
In closing... someone come up with a less depressing set of colors for the asexual emblem, please! I guess I'll just stick with the rainbow, haha.
Mirrored from Dreamwidth
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asexualheart) and thought I'd fill it out for the hell of it.
This is apparently a thing. But I don't have 30 days worth of patience and I love filling out long memes, so I'm just going to do all of these right now, haha.
1. What is your romantic/sexual orientation?
Asexual, more or less panromantic I guess. I'm aesthetically attracted to guys and androgyny, tend to be more romantically attracted to girls. All the people I've ever thought "I wouldn't mind spending the rest of my life with you" about were female.
2. Are you out? To whom?
To my online friends and one or two IRL friends. Otherwise no.
3. How old were you when you realized you were asexual? What made you realize it?
I was about 17 and had been questioning my sexuality for a long time -- I pretty much went through the crossing-labels-off-the-list experience that many asexuals do. I didn't experience any of those "normal" heterosexual feelings most of my peers were going through in high school, never had a desire to date a guy, so for a while I thought I must be gay. But I just wasn't sexually interested in girls either. I had concluded that I was just frigid or psychologically damaged somehow, until I stumbled upon the (at the time, fairly new and just moved from the Amoeba mailing list; I think it was around 2002) AVEN website. It was a relief to realize I wasn't the only one who felt this way.
4. Do you identify as a part of the queer community? What communities do you identify with?
Not really. I guess technically I'm more queer than not, but it isn't someplace I feel welcome. A lot of people in the queer community don't seem to want asexuals there, so I don't want to intrude on their space, and the label isn't that important to me -- calling myself "queer" rather than "asexual" really just creates misunderstandings anyway.
5. Tell the story of the first person you came out to.
Honestly, I don't remember. It was probably an online friend. The first time I came out IRL though, it was in college and I was enjoying this opportunity to be out about my identity the way I hadn't felt able to in high school. The person I told -- a new friend from class -- didn't really believe me and said some asshole things about how I was probably just repressed, but it didn't bother me too much, more of a mild annoyance than anything. I guess you could say I was comfortable with who I was and didn't need someone else's belief to validate me. Also, he turned out to be a total jerk, very scary and equally likely to say asshole things about any other topic. Yeeeeaahhhh I don't talk to him anymore lol... After that I think the next time I came out was when visiting in support of our school's fledgling GSA, and the people there were pretty comfortable with it. It was such a tiny club I think they were pretty much glad to have anyone at all there.
6. Have you faced oppression because of your asexuality, whether institutional or societal?
Not really, no, lucky for me. I've had a few hurt feelings over it but nothing has happened to me that's ever been truly damaging. I suppose the thing that bothers me most is the great unlikelihood that I'll ever get to settle down in a relationship.
7. Who’s your favorite Doctor? (Or, do you have a favorite asexual character?)
I don't like Doctor Who and I don't have any favorite asexual characters. Quite honestly, I'm extremely disappointed by the representation in media of people who are supposed to be "asexual". I don't claim BBC Sherlock either and it makes me kind of embarrassed that so many other people seem to think he's this great asexual character. I'm just tired of seeing all asexuals portrayed as inhuman or fundamentally messed-up somehow.
8. Do you believe there should be asexual pride? What do you imagine it being like?
Depends on what we're talking about. If you mean Pride like an asexual pride parade, I guess, why not? I probably wouldn't go, though, these things tend to be held in big cities far away from where I live so I can't get to them. If you mean the concept in general, of course everyone should be proud about being true to themselves, whether that's ace, gray, bi, gay, lesbian, pan, straight, whatever.
9. What does being asexual mean to you?
Not all that much. It's just another physical aspect of being me, like the color of my hair or the size of my toes. I don't think one's sense of identity should completely revolve around one's sexuality.
10. What have other people said about your asexuality?
I've heard quite a few of the responses on the Asexual Bingo Card, lol. I suppose the one I get the most off said card is just "that's impossible, there's no such thing". I've also had people be quite interested and ask lots more questions -- sometimes very personal ones, like how often I masturbate lol; I know a lot of people don't like answering this sort of thing but if it's a friend, for me I actually enjoy discussing this stuff in detail -- and then lots of people who just shrug and go on with their lives like the decent folks they are.
11. If you’re out, talk about the most accepting person you’ve come out to. If you’re not out, talk about what you would hope a coming out experience would be like.
All my online friends are very accepting. For the most part the issue doesn't even come up in my daily life because... no one cares? That's just the way I am. I'm not out to most people IRL though.
12. Your favorite asexual Tumblr site.
Don't have one, I'm not on Tumblr very much tbh.
13. Your favorite asexual website.
Don't really have one. I enjoyed AVEN when I was a teenager but I've kind of grown out of it. I don't search out asexual spaces very often anymore.
14. Tell us about a time you met another asexual, whether in real life or online.
I was astonished when one of my friends in a new fandom, a great writer and prolific author of smut fanfic, turned out to be a fellow asexual. It was and still is the first time I'd ever had an ace friend, so it was great to get to discuss some of our shared experiences. It also gives me hope that someday I too will stop sucking at writing smutfic lol.
15. Your favorite asexual character/celebrity/person.
Don't have one.
16. Your favorite “asexual” book (as in, sex and/or romance are not the main focus).
I don't really separate out works-that-are-asexual from works-that-are-not, particularly as I'm a romantic asexual myself, so I enjoy media with romantic relationships. The next-to-last book I read, though, Lies of Locke Lamora, is interesting to me in that the protagonist appears to be demisexual. I'm not sure I can recommend this book or call it a favorite, though; it was very interesting, but very violent and has some issues in its treatment of women.
17. Your favorite “asexual” movie.
Don't have one, for the same reasons as listed above. I also don't watch many movies.
18. Tell us a funny joke about asexuality.
Sorry, I'm not the funny type. ;)
19. What do relationships mean to you?
Something that I can't have, basically, which depresses me at times.
20. Tell us about your partner(s). If you are not in a relationship, tell us about your best friend(s).
I have neither at the moment. I have a lot of friends that I cherish a great deal, but I wouldn't say any of them are significantly closer to me than others. Which is something else that kind of depresses me. I used to have closer friends, but I don't think most of the people I know these days are interested in me that deeply.
21. Your favorite asexual quote.
This quote from here sums up my experience trying to understand sexual attraction in a nutshell, lol.
"...it seems like everyone is functioning under the idea that a person knows sexual attraction when they feel it, and thus there is no reason to actually figure out how to talk about it. Descriptions of what sexual attraction tend to be the equivalent to saying “my borogoves feel mimsy” which leads to:
Asexual person: Your who are what?
Sexual person: My borogoves, they feel mimsy
Asexual person: I don’t understand
Sexual person: You know your borogoves?
Asexual person: No
Sexual person: Okay, well, they’re the things that can feel mimsy.
Asexual person: USE DIFFERENT WORDS
And then people turn to vague metaphors, which are only slightly more helpful."
22. What do you believe causes asexuality?
I don't know, what causes homosexuality or heterosexuality? We might never understand completely. I don't think it's important.
23. What is your favorite asexual pride image?
I don't have one. Actually, I really, really hate the asexual pride colors, lol. They're not very cheerful and they're kind of ugly so I try to just pretend they don't exist.
24. Write something or post a picture about asexuality that upsets you.
I don't have any upsetting pictures and I'm not sure I understand the question, so I'm going to skip this one.
25. What is the worst argument you’ve heard against asexuality?
That it's impossible to just not be attracted to people or not want to have sex. If you accept the existence of people with hyperactive sex drives, as most do, why doesn't it logically follow that some of us would also be the opposite?
26. Who is your biggest ally?
My online friends.
27. What is your favorite types of cake?
Cheesecake, chocolate, carrot or spice, but I really don't like cake all that much. I'm not wild about it being used as an asexual symbol either.
28. What is your favorite type of pie? (Or, is pie an acceptable replacement for cake?)
Apple or peach.
29. Where did you first learn about asexuality?
I forget whether it was the Haven for the Human Amoeba mailing list or AVEN -- at the time, the mailing list population was just getting moved over to the website.
30. Tell us anything about asexuality that you want to end with.
I think the most depressing thing about being asexual is I would desperately love to be in a relationship with someone, get married, live together, but I don't think it will ever happen. I dream about meeting my asexual sweetheart someday. :(
In closing... someone come up with a less depressing set of colors for the asexual emblem, please! I guess I'll just stick with the rainbow, haha.
Mirrored from Dreamwidth
comments: View | Reply | Login with OpenID