joder

[saolao]

I didn't think a conversation could be that hard to have, but in the end, we didn't hate each other and there weren't any empty promises made. Her trip down didn't go well on account of my insecurities and her coldness. I can't keep asking her for something she can't give me, and it hurts us both too much for me to keep trying and her to keep closing up. But we came to the agreement that until we were actually good for one another, it would be best to keep it simple and be friends. I think I've cried more in the past two days than i have this entire year. I know it was only about two months of my life, but the pain seems to be ripping away at me. and I know that this sometimes almost unbearable sadness will go away, but right now, I feel like i just grew up way too fast.
and now Japan awaits, I have nowhere to stay for 5 days, I'm scared out of my mind, and my face has broken out.