I doubt everybody else in the team is so het and into het pr0n as they want the rest (specially Inui, who matters more because he keeps track of them all) to believe, but it was also fun to see them interested in girls for a change (regardless of how that should be the natural thing, of course) -the first of all, Kaidoh. I can totally picture him panicking like that. I also like to think of Kawamura as het for me, all shy and nice and courteous but curious about hentai like any respectable boy his age (I just wonder if he owns a computer...). However, I can't help thinking that Kawamura is just trying really hard to erase the image of himself embracing another man from Inui's mental picture of what a Kawamura date would be like.
I really dislike stories where everyone is gay all at once so I try to avoid that. And I've been influenced by H2 -- I just loved all the stuff with Hiro and Noda and the porn and trying to watch girls in the lockerroom.
I don't think I've ever written het!Kaidoh before this. But he seemed the best choice for the date subplot for a few reasons: he's so cute when he's awkward, he's not close to anyone on the team, really, and I also wanted to avoid any hints of InuKai. (Though I'm sure Inui's willingness to snap photo after photo of Kaidoh running windsprints is not unrelated to the Rafa poster on his ceiling!)
Using photography with Fuji is usually a good idea, and in the story there are really beautiful moments and nicely inserted lines on the art and feeling of taking pictures, like the one at the bank, every reference to how different people look through the lens, Fuji's pictorical data-gathering on Inui, and the acceptance seeking -and granting- self-portraits.
I worried a bit about it being too cliched -- Fuji and his camera. But I think turning it around and having Inui be the one with the camera worked well.
This paragraph was just superb:
He's surprised what he sees when he looks through the viewfinder: Oishi's worried expression dropping away when he's on the court, Momoshiro sneaking peeks at a training manual. Kaidoh looking off the court, at a girl who blushes and drops her book bag. Tezuka watching Echizen. Fuji looking right into the camera.
Fuji watching him.
Exactly! ♥ Fuji and Inui are both observers, but Fuji seems to have greater insight into people's characters. So I wanted to turn that around and have Inui gain a bit of that insight, about other people and then about himself.
I was kind of wary at the first mention of Federer and Nadal, but the symbolic Rafa-crush was so endearing, the double-poster purchase and Fuji's remark at where Inui had hanged it so revealing, that I enjoyed it as much as everything else. The way Inui watched his games and felt about him was a lot of fun. And Inui's fixation with both number 2. Now Rafa is number 1, isn't he? Although Fuji keeps being number 2 in Seigaku, he -like Rafa- becomes number 1 for Inui. I liked that.
It was tricky with Rafa, especially when he changed from just being a poster boy (in my outline) to a more important part of the story: the subtext of his rivalry with Federer and all the Wimbledon matches, especially 2008, which we know and Inui has yet to see. But maybe that's why it works okay -- it's not, as you say, a "random detail".
And yes, all of a sudden, Inui masturbates a lot. The poor thing had been trying so hard to find the right motivation all along!
Possibly this is just because I think stories about teenage masturbation are cute. :D
To sum up: this story was filled to the brim with funny lines, endearing moments, lots and lots of Inui-like moments and I loved the idea of Fuji focusing so intensely on Inui and attacking him with his own weapons -and still being a bit unsure about whether this was a game he could win. They make an awesome pair in their twisted, intellectual way and you exploited their potential amazingly well.
Thank you so much! I was very unsure about my ability to pull off this pairing and I'm really glad it came out so well.
I really dislike stories where everyone is gay all at once so I try to avoid that. And I've been influenced by H2 -- I just loved all the stuff with Hiro and Noda and the porn and trying to watch girls in the lockerroom.
I don't think I've ever written het!Kaidoh before this. But he seemed the best choice for the date subplot for a few reasons: he's so cute when he's awkward, he's not close to anyone on the team, really, and I also wanted to avoid any hints of InuKai. (Though I'm sure Inui's willingness to snap photo after photo of Kaidoh running windsprints is not unrelated to the Rafa poster on his ceiling!)
Using photography with Fuji is usually a good idea, and in the story there are really beautiful moments and nicely inserted lines on the art and feeling of taking pictures, like the one at the bank, every reference to how different people look through the lens, Fuji's pictorical data-gathering on Inui, and the acceptance seeking -and granting- self-portraits.
I worried a bit about it being too cliched -- Fuji and his camera. But I think turning it around and having Inui be the one with the camera worked well.
This paragraph was just superb:
He's surprised what he sees when he looks through the viewfinder: Oishi's worried expression dropping away when he's on the court, Momoshiro sneaking peeks at a training manual. Kaidoh looking off the court, at a girl who blushes and drops her book bag. Tezuka watching Echizen. Fuji looking right into the camera.
Fuji watching him.
Exactly! ♥ Fuji and Inui are both observers, but Fuji seems to have greater insight into people's characters. So I wanted to turn that around and have Inui gain a bit of that insight, about other people and then about himself.
I was kind of wary at the first mention of Federer and Nadal, but the symbolic Rafa-crush was so endearing, the double-poster purchase and Fuji's remark at where Inui had hanged it so revealing, that I enjoyed it as much as everything else. The way Inui watched his games and felt about him was a lot of fun. And Inui's fixation with both number 2. Now Rafa is number 1, isn't he? Although Fuji keeps being number 2 in Seigaku, he -like Rafa- becomes number 1 for Inui. I liked that.
It was tricky with Rafa, especially when he changed from just being a poster boy (in my outline) to a more important part of the story: the subtext of his rivalry with Federer and all the Wimbledon matches, especially 2008, which we know and Inui has yet to see. But maybe that's why it works okay -- it's not, as you say, a "random detail".
And yes, all of a sudden, Inui masturbates a lot. The poor thing had been trying so hard to find the right motivation all along!
Possibly this is just because I think stories about teenage masturbation are cute. :D
To sum up: this story was filled to the brim with funny lines, endearing moments, lots and lots of Inui-like moments and I loved the idea of Fuji focusing so intensely on Inui and attacking him with his own weapons -and still being a bit unsure about whether this was a game he could win. They make an awesome pair in their twisted, intellectual way and you exploited their potential amazingly well.
Thank you so much! I was very unsure about my ability to pull off this pairing and I'm really glad it came out so well.
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