Let it burn...
Okay team- and by team.. I mean christie. this is something i wrote a little but ago when things we're a lot different than now- thank god. but i figure i don't have anything to say at the moment so i might as well start this journal off with a kick! if you need further explanation. well. bummer.
So basically- I’m sitting here- at my computer…definitely not doing my homework, feeling like a lazy-ass. I’m not sure when I became such a slacker. Probably when I started going to dumb rich person school. Yeah, I’m pretty sure that’s when actually. But, on a brighter note- Donell Jones is coming up on my CD. Oh hell. That song makes me happy. Oh hell it just started. Gotta break it on down … gotta break it on down… Such a good song. You should pick it up sometime. Donnell Jones, I’ll go. On the love and basketball soundtrack I think. they play it when she’s in the wnba and he’s really hot and holding their kid in the stands and its just happiness everywhere. I really should write this history paper.
My mom told me if I didn’t write it I’d freak out this weekend. Totally true through. I’m gonna see how long I can not write it for…yeah good plan. SO…what has happened that I can report on to my many, many readers. Well, I just sneezed all fucking over the place and my CD changed the song. That cannot be a good sign. Okay, I’m back. Yo- what the hook gon be? That song reminds me of Morgan. Funny how most people turn out to be bitches. Hey this song skips… also a sign. SO, I haven’t been to school in 2 whole days. And, nobody’s called me or texted me or anything. I really feel unmissed. Kinda lame I know. But it goes back to the whole thing of me not being necessary to any of my friends. Makes me feel bad. I guess that’s just gonna be how it is for a few years…until I get out the hellhole or I find some people I can stand- and talk to during school! What a crazy concept. Question of the day is…should I go in for Spanish. We’re watching a movie for an hour and a half and its pretty safe to say I look like hell. And I’m wondering…is it really worth it? I straightened my hair. I’m destroying it I think but I can’t stand looking at the mirror when its all doing it crazy jew-frizz thang. Damn I can’t wait for this year to be over. But then again… summer basketball is going to be crazy. So its not like I have 3 months of tanning by the pool to look forward to. I burn like a lobster anyways. I don’t even have friends to hang out with. Maybe I should stop being such a bitch because it ends up getting me in the end.. this summer is gonna be Carrie in the caymans with nat and te. She’s really rich ps. Freshman going to movies and elitches- I’d probably say I was busy even if I was invited I’ll most likely have lost all communication with Kayla by that point. And Leah on her ass and/or playing basketball. Its cora’s last summer too. Fuck. I just wish she was in a better mood. Whoopsies! Oh lord. This is leah in a bad mood. Have you ever started typing and meant to type one word and totally typed another… like you’re thinking about something else maybe and it just comes out. Here’s something that scares me: if no one is going to read this… and its just for me to write (therapy or something, who knows), is this what I’m really like? Let me explain further… I know I can’t be trying to impress someone, or writing differently depending on my audience,- well, because there is none. SO, this is me…just being me? I don’t like that. I wish I was funnier. And smarter. And pretty. And while we’re wishing. Taller. If I sent this to Kayla… it wouldn’t really do anything. That’s the sad thing. Like I’ve told her a lot of personal shit this year. But I guess I understand, because she has a lot of her own personal shit, and her real friends have even more personal shit too. How would she even respond? I don’t know. But, when I sent her that like 5 page thing saying basically that I’d basically been depressed and needed a friend and that I was sorry for being an ass lately. I got nothing. And that sucks…so I just don’t know if I really want to go there again. If she shared anything with me maybe it’d be different but she for sure doesn’t. because once again, my relationships are all sucking. So whatever I guess. At this point. Its just when there aren’t many people you like you want to hold on to the friendships you’ve had. BUMMER. And If I showed this to carrie, well- I don’t think I’d want to. I’d probably get bad advice lol. that's happened before. And I don’t like opening up to people who wouldn’t come to me first if they had something to say. sometimes you just want people to call you first- whether or not they're upset or just bored. I pretty much think those are minimum requirements. I mean, fuck, Murphy does both those things… maybe I should just get raped and get it over with. Ew. Maybe this is just hard because I’ve only been at ca for one year and the people are really fucking dumb and the classes suck. Either way, overall, I’m not really a happy camper. Actually not at all. The more I write random shit, the more I discover stuff about my life that makes me sad lol. Let’s not even talk about my face. Or my dad.
hmmm well that was interesting. i might regret posting this but christie's the only one reading this anyway ya? okay word. post away my friends.
peace
So basically- I’m sitting here- at my computer…definitely not doing my homework, feeling like a lazy-ass. I’m not sure when I became such a slacker. Probably when I started going to dumb rich person school. Yeah, I’m pretty sure that’s when actually. But, on a brighter note- Donell Jones is coming up on my CD. Oh hell. That song makes me happy. Oh hell it just started. Gotta break it on down … gotta break it on down… Such a good song. You should pick it up sometime. Donnell Jones, I’ll go. On the love and basketball soundtrack I think. they play it when she’s in the wnba and he’s really hot and holding their kid in the stands and its just happiness everywhere. I really should write this history paper.
My mom told me if I didn’t write it I’d freak out this weekend. Totally true through. I’m gonna see how long I can not write it for…yeah good plan. SO…what has happened that I can report on to my many, many readers. Well, I just sneezed all fucking over the place and my CD changed the song. That cannot be a good sign. Okay, I’m back. Yo- what the hook gon be? That song reminds me of Morgan. Funny how most people turn out to be bitches. Hey this song skips… also a sign. SO, I haven’t been to school in 2 whole days. And, nobody’s called me or texted me or anything. I really feel unmissed. Kinda lame I know. But it goes back to the whole thing of me not being necessary to any of my friends. Makes me feel bad. I guess that’s just gonna be how it is for a few years…until I get out the hellhole or I find some people I can stand- and talk to during school! What a crazy concept. Question of the day is…should I go in for Spanish. We’re watching a movie for an hour and a half and its pretty safe to say I look like hell. And I’m wondering…is it really worth it? I straightened my hair. I’m destroying it I think but I can’t stand looking at the mirror when its all doing it crazy jew-frizz thang. Damn I can’t wait for this year to be over. But then again… summer basketball is going to be crazy. So its not like I have 3 months of tanning by the pool to look forward to. I burn like a lobster anyways. I don’t even have friends to hang out with. Maybe I should stop being such a bitch because it ends up getting me in the end.. this summer is gonna be Carrie in the caymans with nat and te. She’s really rich ps. Freshman going to movies and elitches- I’d probably say I was busy even if I was invited I’ll most likely have lost all communication with Kayla by that point. And Leah on her ass and/or playing basketball. Its cora’s last summer too. Fuck. I just wish she was in a better mood. Whoopsies! Oh lord. This is leah in a bad mood. Have you ever started typing and meant to type one word and totally typed another… like you’re thinking about something else maybe and it just comes out. Here’s something that scares me: if no one is going to read this… and its just for me to write (therapy or something, who knows), is this what I’m really like? Let me explain further… I know I can’t be trying to impress someone, or writing differently depending on my audience,- well, because there is none. SO, this is me…just being me? I don’t like that. I wish I was funnier. And smarter. And pretty. And while we’re wishing. Taller. If I sent this to Kayla… it wouldn’t really do anything. That’s the sad thing. Like I’ve told her a lot of personal shit this year. But I guess I understand, because she has a lot of her own personal shit, and her real friends have even more personal shit too. How would she even respond? I don’t know. But, when I sent her that like 5 page thing saying basically that I’d basically been depressed and needed a friend and that I was sorry for being an ass lately. I got nothing. And that sucks…so I just don’t know if I really want to go there again. If she shared anything with me maybe it’d be different but she for sure doesn’t. because once again, my relationships are all sucking. So whatever I guess. At this point. Its just when there aren’t many people you like you want to hold on to the friendships you’ve had. BUMMER. And If I showed this to carrie, well- I don’t think I’d want to. I’d probably get bad advice lol. that's happened before. And I don’t like opening up to people who wouldn’t come to me first if they had something to say. sometimes you just want people to call you first- whether or not they're upset or just bored. I pretty much think those are minimum requirements. I mean, fuck, Murphy does both those things… maybe I should just get raped and get it over with. Ew. Maybe this is just hard because I’ve only been at ca for one year and the people are really fucking dumb and the classes suck. Either way, overall, I’m not really a happy camper. Actually not at all. The more I write random shit, the more I discover stuff about my life that makes me sad lol. Let’s not even talk about my face. Or my dad.
hmmm well that was interesting. i might regret posting this but christie's the only one reading this anyway ya? okay word. post away my friends.
peace