You are the septomarginal trabecula of my heart
(No, I'm totally the sinoatrial node); Jinki/Jonghyun; PG-13
note: This silly thing happened last year and I had no idea what to do with it. Suddenly found it again today. It's full of lame non-jokes but I guess it might be slightly funny to people who speak the language of anatomy. Or not. My sense of humor is questionable.
The setup: what happens when the two of them take an anatomy course together.
Jonghyun is slouched over the bathroom sink. It is 8:00 in the morning. In other words, way too early for brain activity without a good dose of caffeine. (Or as Jonghyun now likes to refer to it, the world's most popular psychoactive drug.) This is obvious by the way his eyelids, puffy with sleep, have yet to defy gravity.
He lets the pale green froth drip from his bottom lip as he moves the toothbrush in lazy circles over his teeth. Losing count after a while, he figures he's done good enough of a job. He spits into the drain and rinses. A few mouthfuls of tap water later, he smacks his lips together.
Ah. Everything tastes all nice and minty.
When he finally opens his eyes, he jumps at the sight of Jinki in the mirror. The other boy has a serious case of bed hair and doesn't even bother to hide his yawn. For a moment, Jonghyun marvels at the fact that Jinki doesn't somehow dislocate his jaw.
But what he ends up mumbling as he sticks his toothbrush into his mug surprises even himself.
"Nice uvula..."
The two of them freeze.
Seconds later, a knowing ear-splitting grin is taking over both of their faces.
Jinki puts the cap back on the tube of toothpaste. (He finally figures out why it has been refusing to work: you kind of sort of need to twist it clockwise.) "Have I ever told you before? I think your zygomatic bones are amazing."
"Why thank you!" Jonghyun rubs at his cheeks with a twinkle in his eyes. "I like your thyroid cartilage."
"Right back at cha." Jinki glances over as the shorter boy starts doing bodybuilder poses and checking himself out. He takes the hint. "And your new workout regimen seems to be doing wonders."
"Yup. Can't let Minho be the only one with an impressive rectus abdominis!"
Jonghyun lifts up the hem of his T-shirt with a smug expression. Jinki ignores what he's trying to show off and instead pokes at his belly button. Jonghyun flinches and swats his hand away.
"Hey watch it! That tickles."
He gets not one but two judgmental eyebrows.
"My T10 is sensitive, okay?"
Jinki tilts his head back and chortles around the stem of his toothbrush. But it doesn't take long before he's doubled over and coughing like he's ready to throw up a lung or two. Jonghyun smacks his back a little too eagerly and a little too hard, even as he's describing all the bad things about pulmonary aspiration.
Jinki tries to glare through his tears.
"Guess your lacrimal ducts overflowed."
Jinki takes aim at Jonghyun's butt, but the other boy grabs his ankle before his foot does any damage. Jinki wriggles a bit; Jonghyun doesn't let go.
They both look down. And then up.
And then down again.
A devious smile blossoms over Jonghyun's lips while Jinki starts shaking his head like mad.
"No no no, you're not doing this-"
Jonghyun pulls and twists; Jinki goes down, arms flailing and shrieking like a prepubescent girl.
He somehow manages to bring down with him nearly all of the neatly arranged bottles and tubes on the counter. The subsequent crash resounds throughout the entire apartment. And before Jonghyun even has time for regret, Kibum kicks the door open.
("Ow, my nasal cartilages..." The complaint is muffled against the bathroom rug.)
"Yah Kim Jonghyun-" The rest of the words become lodged in Kibum's throat as he pulls up short of the mess.
Jonghyun almost reflexively reaches out to catch Kibum's eyeballs, you know, just in case they fall out. But no, common sense kicks in and he drops Jinki's leg like a hot potato.
("Ow ow ow, my patella!")
"Um, listen Bums-" He slowly backs away.
"Kim! Jong!! Hyun!!!"
He ducks his head.
"One of these days I swear I will run a fucking knife through you!" Kibum bares his teeth.
"Y-you have, um, beautiful incisors?" Jonghyun offers weakly.
"And then I'll cut out your heart and make a guitar out of your heartstrings!" Kibum stalks closer. "Taemin needs one for his intro to music composition class anyway."
The threat is met with an unmanly wail: "But I need my chordae tendineae to keep my atrioventricular valves closed during systole..."
Leaning menacingly close, Kibum pats the left side of Jonghyun's chest.
"Mark my words, sweetheart."
The term of endearment has the hairs on the back of Jonghyun's neck standing to attention.
The heavy ominous silence looms like a giant. It stretches and stretches and stretches...until Jonghyun suddenly feels the obligation to ruin the mood by letting loose a giggle. It's as if he doesn't notice the way Kibum's face contorts at the sound.
"Bummie, it's embarrassing. Stop feeling up my left lung."
Jinki, who has sorted himself out from the pile of creams and sprays, helpfully guides Kibum's hand a few ribs lower.
"There, now you're at least feeling up his ventricles..."
Taemin smashes his forehead into the floor.
He scrambles up the best he can with his limbs still tangled in the sheets. The pain has yet to register, so he takes the earplugs out of his ears and rubs groggily at his eyes. Turning this way and that but not really seeing much of anything, he asks:
"Did aliens bomb the school? Are we at war? What was that noise? An earthquake?"
A pillow knocks him back onto the floor.
Minho grunts, flips over, mutters something along the lines of Jonghyun and Jinki and castration, and then goes right back to sleep.
The pair ultimately finds themselves trapped in the closet without breakfast...
"Damn it why did you praise his incisors of all things?"
"They are nice! And not like you had any better ideas. You were busy playing dead on the floor."
"And who's fault was that?"
"Not mine."
"Sure. And we aren't stuck inside a closet."
"Honestly. Why can't you have a better vestibular system? Or better reflexes?"
"Well excuse me Mr. Oh-hey-what-do-you-know-my-epiphyseal-plates-are-defective!"
"Oh, you did not just-"
"Wutchagonnadoboutit huh? Huh?"
"Wait, are you dissing my chondrocytes?"
Eyes are rolled in the dark.
"No, I'm obviously picking on your osteoblasts."
"But I think it's a hormonal issue..."
"So now you're blaming it on your pituitary gland. Or are you saying you have too much estrogen in your system?"
"It could be genetics. I mean look at my family! Even Roo is short."
"Jjong, Roo is a dog."
"I know. What's your point?"
"......"
"......"
"Maybe you should have drank more milk as a kid."
"......"
"......"
"......"
"......"
"LEAVE ME ALONE! THIS IS NOT THE REALITY I WANTED!!!"
in-layman's-terms-ish
[the anatomy & whatnot]
muscular band helping to coordinate heart contraction ● septomarginal trabecula
the pacemaker that generates heart rhythm ● sinoatrial node
the thing that hangs down at the entrance to your throat ● uvula
cheekbones ● zygomatic bones
adam's apple ● thyroid cartilage
abs ● rectus abdominis
sensory innervation to the belly button region; aka tenth thoracic nerve ● T10
what doesn't readily drain through these ducts overflow as tears ● lacrimal ducts
make up most of your nose ● nasal cartilages
kneecap ● patella
front teeth, four uppers ones plus four lower ones ● incisors
heartstrings ● chordae tendineae
the heart valves dividing your atria from your ventricles ● atrioventicular valves
when your ventricles contract to pump out blood ● systole
upper part is in the middle; lower part (the ventricles) extends toward the left ● heart
major reason why you have a sense of balance ● vestibular system
plates of cartilage at the ends of long bones; key to height growth ● epiphyseal plates
cartilage cells; found in the epiphyseal plates ● chondrocytes
cells that build bone ● osteoblasts
master gland for hormones; I was thinking about growth hormones here ● pituitary
research suggests it causes chondrocytes to die, thus limiting growth ● estrogen
[∞]
Free HTML Visitor Counters
note: This silly thing happened last year and I had no idea what to do with it. Suddenly found it again today. It's full of lame non-jokes but I guess it might be slightly funny to people who speak the language of anatomy. Or not. My sense of humor is questionable.
The setup: what happens when the two of them take an anatomy course together.
Jonghyun is slouched over the bathroom sink. It is 8:00 in the morning. In other words, way too early for brain activity without a good dose of caffeine. (Or as Jonghyun now likes to refer to it, the world's most popular psychoactive drug.) This is obvious by the way his eyelids, puffy with sleep, have yet to defy gravity.
He lets the pale green froth drip from his bottom lip as he moves the toothbrush in lazy circles over his teeth. Losing count after a while, he figures he's done good enough of a job. He spits into the drain and rinses. A few mouthfuls of tap water later, he smacks his lips together.
Ah. Everything tastes all nice and minty.
When he finally opens his eyes, he jumps at the sight of Jinki in the mirror. The other boy has a serious case of bed hair and doesn't even bother to hide his yawn. For a moment, Jonghyun marvels at the fact that Jinki doesn't somehow dislocate his jaw.
But what he ends up mumbling as he sticks his toothbrush into his mug surprises even himself.
"Nice uvula..."
The two of them freeze.
Seconds later, a knowing ear-splitting grin is taking over both of their faces.
Jinki puts the cap back on the tube of toothpaste. (He finally figures out why it has been refusing to work: you kind of sort of need to twist it clockwise.) "Have I ever told you before? I think your zygomatic bones are amazing."
"Why thank you!" Jonghyun rubs at his cheeks with a twinkle in his eyes. "I like your thyroid cartilage."
"Right back at cha." Jinki glances over as the shorter boy starts doing bodybuilder poses and checking himself out. He takes the hint. "And your new workout regimen seems to be doing wonders."
"Yup. Can't let Minho be the only one with an impressive rectus abdominis!"
Jonghyun lifts up the hem of his T-shirt with a smug expression. Jinki ignores what he's trying to show off and instead pokes at his belly button. Jonghyun flinches and swats his hand away.
"Hey watch it! That tickles."
He gets not one but two judgmental eyebrows.
"My T10 is sensitive, okay?"
Jinki tilts his head back and chortles around the stem of his toothbrush. But it doesn't take long before he's doubled over and coughing like he's ready to throw up a lung or two. Jonghyun smacks his back a little too eagerly and a little too hard, even as he's describing all the bad things about pulmonary aspiration.
Jinki tries to glare through his tears.
"Guess your lacrimal ducts overflowed."
Jinki takes aim at Jonghyun's butt, but the other boy grabs his ankle before his foot does any damage. Jinki wriggles a bit; Jonghyun doesn't let go.
They both look down. And then up.
And then down again.
A devious smile blossoms over Jonghyun's lips while Jinki starts shaking his head like mad.
"No no no, you're not doing this-"
Jonghyun pulls and twists; Jinki goes down, arms flailing and shrieking like a prepubescent girl.
He somehow manages to bring down with him nearly all of the neatly arranged bottles and tubes on the counter. The subsequent crash resounds throughout the entire apartment. And before Jonghyun even has time for regret, Kibum kicks the door open.
("Ow, my nasal cartilages..." The complaint is muffled against the bathroom rug.)
"Yah Kim Jonghyun-" The rest of the words become lodged in Kibum's throat as he pulls up short of the mess.
Jonghyun almost reflexively reaches out to catch Kibum's eyeballs, you know, just in case they fall out. But no, common sense kicks in and he drops Jinki's leg like a hot potato.
("Ow ow ow, my patella!")
"Um, listen Bums-" He slowly backs away.
"Kim! Jong!! Hyun!!!"
He ducks his head.
"One of these days I swear I will run a fucking knife through you!" Kibum bares his teeth.
"Y-you have, um, beautiful incisors?" Jonghyun offers weakly.
"And then I'll cut out your heart and make a guitar out of your heartstrings!" Kibum stalks closer. "Taemin needs one for his intro to music composition class anyway."
The threat is met with an unmanly wail: "But I need my chordae tendineae to keep my atrioventricular valves closed during systole..."
Leaning menacingly close, Kibum pats the left side of Jonghyun's chest.
"Mark my words, sweetheart."
The term of endearment has the hairs on the back of Jonghyun's neck standing to attention.
The heavy ominous silence looms like a giant. It stretches and stretches and stretches...until Jonghyun suddenly feels the obligation to ruin the mood by letting loose a giggle. It's as if he doesn't notice the way Kibum's face contorts at the sound.
"Bummie, it's embarrassing. Stop feeling up my left lung."
Jinki, who has sorted himself out from the pile of creams and sprays, helpfully guides Kibum's hand a few ribs lower.
"There, now you're at least feeling up his ventricles..."
Taemin smashes his forehead into the floor.
He scrambles up the best he can with his limbs still tangled in the sheets. The pain has yet to register, so he takes the earplugs out of his ears and rubs groggily at his eyes. Turning this way and that but not really seeing much of anything, he asks:
"Did aliens bomb the school? Are we at war? What was that noise? An earthquake?"
A pillow knocks him back onto the floor.
Minho grunts, flips over, mutters something along the lines of Jonghyun and Jinki and castration, and then goes right back to sleep.
The pair ultimately finds themselves trapped in the closet without breakfast...
"Damn it why did you praise his incisors of all things?"
"They are nice! And not like you had any better ideas. You were busy playing dead on the floor."
"And who's fault was that?"
"Not mine."
"Sure. And we aren't stuck inside a closet."
"Honestly. Why can't you have a better vestibular system? Or better reflexes?"
"Well excuse me Mr. Oh-hey-what-do-you-know-my-epiphyseal-plates-are-defective!"
"Oh, you did not just-"
"Wutchagonnadoboutit huh? Huh?"
"Wait, are you dissing my chondrocytes?"
Eyes are rolled in the dark.
"No, I'm obviously picking on your osteoblasts."
"But I think it's a hormonal issue..."
"So now you're blaming it on your pituitary gland. Or are you saying you have too much estrogen in your system?"
"It could be genetics. I mean look at my family! Even Roo is short."
"Jjong, Roo is a dog."
"I know. What's your point?"
"......"
"......"
"Maybe you should have drank more milk as a kid."
"......"
"......"
"......"
"......"
"LEAVE ME ALONE! THIS IS NOT THE REALITY I WANTED!!!"
in-layman's-terms-ish
[the anatomy & whatnot]
muscular band helping to coordinate heart contraction ● septomarginal trabecula
the pacemaker that generates heart rhythm ● sinoatrial node
the thing that hangs down at the entrance to your throat ● uvula
cheekbones ● zygomatic bones
adam's apple ● thyroid cartilage
abs ● rectus abdominis
sensory innervation to the belly button region; aka tenth thoracic nerve ● T10
what doesn't readily drain through these ducts overflow as tears ● lacrimal ducts
make up most of your nose ● nasal cartilages
kneecap ● patella
front teeth, four uppers ones plus four lower ones ● incisors
heartstrings ● chordae tendineae
the heart valves dividing your atria from your ventricles ● atrioventicular valves
when your ventricles contract to pump out blood ● systole
upper part is in the middle; lower part (the ventricles) extends toward the left ● heart
major reason why you have a sense of balance ● vestibular system
plates of cartilage at the ends of long bones; key to height growth ● epiphyseal plates
cartilage cells; found in the epiphyseal plates ● chondrocytes
cells that build bone ● osteoblasts
master gland for hormones; I was thinking about growth hormones here ● pituitary
research suggests it causes chondrocytes to die, thus limiting growth ● estrogen
[∞]
Free HTML Visitor Counters