Jan 17, 2005 00:29
handed over the position today.. as i said at dinner, "at least i'm not turning it over to a total douchebag.." i meant that in the best possible way.
this is strange on so many levels. it's weird to relinquish power. it's weird to know that i'm graduating. it's frightening as hell not to know what i'm doing next year. and it's crazy to hand over something that has been my f'in life for the last year. i poured so much of myself into the club. hours, days, months, years.. and it's so strange to discontinue calling myself.. co-coordinator. or coordinator. former. former. former. alumna of st. ben's. that's coming up before i can possibly be ready for it.
on impulse, i called kate tonight, thinking that she could provide the only familiar voice with this basic experience. but i got her on the phone, and realised that i can't cry to her anymore. the rift between us is too great. and she was never great to cry to, in the first place. but we laughed a little, and i hung up feeling considerably worse..
i feel like my heart has relocated to my stomach.. and i'm not sure if it's sadness, cramps, or my unbearable headache that's causing it.. or maybe it's a combination of the three.
and i need sleep.