(no subject)
Taurus: Talk to yourself more and better. Not just with streams of chatter that meander aimlessly. Not with darts of self-deprecation mixed in with grandiose fantasies. No, Taurus. When I urge you to talk to yourself more and better, I mean that you should address your self with focused tenderness. I mean that you should be driven by the bold intention to lift up your mood, praise your skills, shower blessings on your vulnerabilities, and love yourself down to the core. You will attract cosmic assistance if you do this playful work. You will bathe your subconscious intelligence with healing luminosity.
I had today off of work and it was much needed. I had absolutely no plans and spent most of the day on the laptop, doing behind-the-scenes photography work. I have a few more things to do, some more material to write, a handful of decisions, and then I expect to publicize a few changes. As it is, I'm actually running print work for a new promotion & am working on developing a better web presence. Small details right now, but it's felt right to get back into it again. I feel like I know what I'm doing, and that this is the time to do it. After a couple of months of wondering what on earth I'm doing, it's a pleasant change, and I hope it continues.
I am feeling better. Officially off of the medication (for now) and have an appointment scheduled with a specialist on recommendation. I'm either feeling perfectly normal (although beginning to realise was never quite right to start with) or icky. So far icky hasn't been too often. It's a good possibility that this is something I have been dealing with for a while now and never realised. In fact, last year I went to the doctor's for a typical exam, and he told me that I was healthy. I think I was more surprised at that than I am the current affairs. Things will be OK, though they might take a little bit to reorganize. Bellydance classes are currently on hiatus- I feel bad doing it, espcially whenever I'm not cripplingly ill- but neither do I feel comfortable commiting to something I might not be able to take responsiblity for. Everything's OK.
Today I spent more than I usually do and preordered Catherynne M Valente's new book (yay Arthuriana) and also new bellybutton jewelry. I tell myself that it'll be easier to get on and off for the doctor's appointments. Mostly I think that I deserve something new.
A friend of mine, having recently seen my facebook status updates, called to make sure that I'm ok, and to tell me about Pennsic. I haven't seen her in a month? And we stayed on the phone for about an hour, not getting any work done, just telling stories and laughing about mutual friends and how nice it is to be someone else (or rather, yourself) for a while. My camp missed me, I feel loved. Last year was my first year, but they took me to their bosoms (sometimes literally) and they honestly feel like family, even if I can barely keep their mundane names straight half of the time. We talked about going to Scanton together to visit them- it's tempting. Just back from vacation and I feel I need another one.
Andy's threatening me with bedtime (conspiracy of horologists) and I should go. Hoping, though, to spend the weeks truly recovering- taking in beauty, creating art, finding a place to center myself in this ill-fitting mess, and hopefully being able to the take the time to make things what I need them to be.