Why do you guys even read this?
There is a guy down the way from me who pesters me any time that I'm down that end of the mall. I haven't decided yet it he is merely loud and stupid or if he is hitting on me. One generally doesn't go without the other, though. He's the kind that's dangerous for the simple reason that they're too stupid to know when to stop. He was generally teasing me and making things difficult when I was just trying to get some food and get back to work. I told him that I'd fight him for it. He didn't seem to believe me.
Probably because I was smiling; the fact that I usually do tends to throw people off guard whenever I say things like that, either that or they won't take it seriously. It's just as well. I prefer to keep my thoughts my own.
I shouldn't have joked with that kid; as i can be rather obtuse whenever people are hitting on me, and I didn't realise til afterwards why he hadn't acted like that towards anyone else and now he's probably going to keep going. Mankind generally depresses me.
The dojo christmas party was friday. I enjoyed it. It seemed different from years past- more on a schedule, almost, for while we have always had formalities that we kept with it, there is generally a lot of putzing that goes on within it. This year was almost more pressed for time- not as much standing around and waiting for things as there usually is. The typical questions of when I'm coming back. *shrugs* What's strange is not so much going and seeing all of the new faces, but seeing how quickly those new faces have managed to progress since I've been gone.
Got to see Cullan, Angelo. Matt & Michelle & Josie and all of those old ones. Cullan's buying his own company, a brick company, running things on his own; he and i exchanged some of the dojo gossip. The world has been teaching him cynicism; that seems to be happening to most of my friends lately, whenever they get to the point where they either haven't done anything new in a while or to the point where they actually have to adjust to society and work. I hope they rebound- I am no one to complain about cynicism, but there is a difference between accepting the world or being cynical about it and between resigning oneself to it. I've seen too many people turn incompetent out of sheer willpower (or lack thereof.) He's not that bad, though- just hope it doesn't get that way. I'm not there to beat reason into him, so i worry a bit.
Michelle & Josie are the same as ever. Mom and Michelle got voted karate-ka of the year, actually- mom was shocked (anyone in the dojo could have told her that was coming before long) but it was nice to see it finally happen. Matt's turned incredibly fuzzy, running after his little toddler all over. Didn't get to talk to Angelo too much- he was generally pulled away by everyone else.
I got to talk to Sensei C. Honestly haven't gotten to spend a whole lot of time with him since I left, so it was nice to just gather around with him and a few other people and fall into the same old chatter that we always do. Guns, hunting, work, who's how far in karate. He seemed happy to see me, and actually didn't threaten andy. I think he's He asked if andy's been taking care of me; then shook his head dismissively, gave us a look, and simply said to andy, "I know her. She doesn't take shit from anyone," and smiled.
i really miss him.
Currently reading- Kafka's the castle. Not far enough into it yet to realise the point to it yet, but i like it. Nietzsche's genealogy of morals. Rather enjoying that, though I must say that I almost expected more, he has been built up so much; but he seems to have random qualities/ideas that he extols without necessarily giving a reason why. I wonder if these things are going to be explained as I read more of his works or if they are quite simply personal bias that he seems to accept as fact; one way or the other, i'm only a third of the way through the book and so don't really want to state any philosophical opinions on it until I'm sure that I have the full picture. A nonfiction document on Lucrezia Borgia- dry but interesting; she'd make a good historical fiction. Charles de Lint, Memory and Dream. Excellent, as ever- this one, ironically, about the same idea that I wrote my nano on, though he has a completely different perspective of it. He might be quickly making his way into my favorite writers-- he's an odd duck, he is, never utilising a writer's talent the way I would expect him to, never fleshing out the actions or thoughts that I'd expect, but he is effective, and perfectly suited even it it's something i wouldn't do myself; and his unimitable ideas & ways of bringing in different philosophies and world cutltures really could make up for an awful lot. Also rereading Lord of the Rings- for annual tradition, my own benefit, and to gain ideas for my own writing. (I was amused to see that, halfway through the de Lint book, someone had scribbled in the margins next to the word "numena," drawing connections to Tolkien's numenor.) But those three are being put on hold because all of the other books (including Nabokov, who I haven't gotten around to yet) are library books, due as of two days ago, and i still have four to finish and the fifth to start. I think it might be a first that I haven't finished all of my books on time, and i only checked out eight of them, but work has kept me horribly busy.
Before long I am going to start posting book reviews. Not for you guys. For me. Because I go through so much so quickly that a year from now (or even next month) i will have absolutely no recollection of what i read or what i thought of them, so i'm going to type up paragraph thoughts on them. Will be silly, spoiling, and thoroughly boring but at least i'll be able to tell you a month from now whether or not i recommend a book.
still no christmas shopping done. i hate holidays & pointless traditions & receiving gifts but somehow i've always enjoyed buying things for other people. even though i don't (ever) have any money. Probably just because i know what they'd like or could use. don't bother thinking about it otherwise. But christmas is two weeks away- saying that it sounds so soon, and i wish that it was over and done with, though that meant another year closing (no, not closing, not til beltaine) would mean more time past but i want work to be over with. and i want to be somewhere else and doing something and knowing what i'm doing. so even though i want the work season to be over i doubt that i'll enjoy it afterwards very much. i need something to do with myself. does anyone want to hire me? i could probably shine boots.