(no subject)
After about an hour's consideration, the thing that comes into memory is an excerpt from a book that i read years ago, far before the house burnt down. It was Seregil, talking to his apprentice about loyalty- and what loyalty you choose whenever it comes down between your friends and your loyalty to the gov't. Essentially, he asked- If [a well-loved, trusted friend] turned traitor to the queen, and he was being hunted down by the authorities- would you turn him in? General answer being no. But- if things would get more complicated. If you knew that he was *going* to be caught, *going* to be tortured horribly and put through terrible agony before being granted death- would you kill him first?
It's not necessarily relevant on literal terms, but nonetheless it's what comes to mind.
it's a question that i don't really have an answer to. The typified answer is one thing, but when it's somebody that you know even remotely, it takes on a whole perspective of greys and shadows. It's why I decided against any sort of pursuit in law enforcement. I don't know if i can split my loyalties like that, at least not without hesitation, and not being able to forgive myself one way or the other in the future.
i'm still not to the stage where I know what to say quite yet; but life in general seems to be a series of non sequiteurs, and this one, while somewhat more dramatic, seems to be quite along the same vein.
I was trying to keep myself out of the files (consider it a pointless, and possibly absurd but yet still evident, micheal collins complex) but it's a bit late for that now. It's harmless, but it is begun. At least it's well enough recorded in everything that I'm not technically involved past a mere mention a few days before. That doesn't make it any less strange, though, and while i am not surprised, neither do i know quite what to say.
Ai-a, Paul. I hope the right path is clear to you, whatever it might be. i hope that you both are safe and well, my dear. Your loyalties were chosen, and I hope that the reason is vindication enough for whatever the consequences might be. *sighs* I'm worried. I truly am. I never had more than the basest conversations but... i have the feeling that things are a lot different than they appear to the world in general, n'est-ce pas? I don't know if the path that you've taken is right, wrong, or entirely relative, but it's going to hurt you so badly. Ai... I know there's no chance that he'll ever see this. But I'm worried for them both. The world is so uncertain.
It's not necessarily relevant on literal terms, but nonetheless it's what comes to mind.
it's a question that i don't really have an answer to. The typified answer is one thing, but when it's somebody that you know even remotely, it takes on a whole perspective of greys and shadows. It's why I decided against any sort of pursuit in law enforcement. I don't know if i can split my loyalties like that, at least not without hesitation, and not being able to forgive myself one way or the other in the future.
i'm still not to the stage where I know what to say quite yet; but life in general seems to be a series of non sequiteurs, and this one, while somewhat more dramatic, seems to be quite along the same vein.
I was trying to keep myself out of the files (consider it a pointless, and possibly absurd but yet still evident, micheal collins complex) but it's a bit late for that now. It's harmless, but it is begun. At least it's well enough recorded in everything that I'm not technically involved past a mere mention a few days before. That doesn't make it any less strange, though, and while i am not surprised, neither do i know quite what to say.
Ai-a, Paul. I hope the right path is clear to you, whatever it might be. i hope that you both are safe and well, my dear. Your loyalties were chosen, and I hope that the reason is vindication enough for whatever the consequences might be. *sighs* I'm worried. I truly am. I never had more than the basest conversations but... i have the feeling that things are a lot different than they appear to the world in general, n'est-ce pas? I don't know if the path that you've taken is right, wrong, or entirely relative, but it's going to hurt you so badly. Ai... I know there's no chance that he'll ever see this. But I'm worried for them both. The world is so uncertain.