yup
I know I am far to self indulgent, though i need not to be reminded of that by far to cruel past acquaintances or ex-lovers looking to even a score. I know this about myself and love it. I am poetic and raw when 'need be'. Lonely when it suits me, hyper when its unproductive and creative to a fault. C'est la vie.
FInished an amazing book today, got inspired, wrote some emails and picked up Jefferey Mcdaniel, a poet to re-read. I read his poem 'The Benjamin Franklin of Monogamy' and looked at some notes I had made near a few stansas. I had put the initials of T.N.C., an ex who carried much weight but no real matter.
I am sick of reminiscence, though far too often I am guilty of it myself. I am sick of people thinking of their past as a way to paralyze themselves from the future. Yes, memory lane spelunking helps the creative anger flow and feelings to come back when I need them. But how ironic that his initials should appear by a poem so destined to be used for so many exes but that mostly exsists to be as a reminder to me that indulgence in their memory can be thought of as an overindulgence, just because I once so naively wrote those initials there.
Just this:
"....What
we had together makes it sound like a virus, as if
we caught one another life a flu, and desire was merely
a symptom that could be treated with soup and lots of sex...."
-j.mcdaniels.
I'm gonna go read in my bath tub and smirk a lot now. :)
Life is good.