Marked Chapter Four
So, our chapter begins with Zoey stereotyping and being as judgy as she can be.
So I sat on my bed and coughed while I listened to my mom making a frantic call to our shrink's emergency line, followed quickly by another equally hysterical call that would activate the dreaded People of Faith prayer tree. Within thirty minutes our house would begin to fill up with fat women and their beady-eyed pedophile husbands. They'd call me out to the family room. My Mark would be considered a Really Big and Embarrassing Problem, so they'd probably anoint me with some crap that was sure to clog my pores and give me a Cyclops-sized zit before laying their hands on me and praying. They'd ask God to help me stop being such an awful teenager and a problem to my parents.
Terribly sorry to assault you all with a block quote, but there are so many things in here that need to be addressed. Zoey tells us that pretty much every man in her step-father’s church is basically lusting after children, and probably herself. And that all the women are fat. Because all women who worship at any Evangelical church cannot be pretty or smart, they are all ugly stupid fatties because we have to associate them with the evil people in Zoey’s life. So, let’s add up our judging scores. One for fat women, one for pedophiles, one for her sarcasm over the anointing oil, and one for the fact that she just has all this sarcasm in her voice when she talks about them praying.
And The Judges Scores Are: 56
Four counts in one paragraph. And don’t forget the religious sterotypes!
Stereotype Solidarity: 8
Zoey angsts a bit about how she’d gladly trade becoming a vampire to stay in her regular life, even though she’s done nothing but point out how much her regular life sucks for the past three chapters. Oh, and then she gets judgmental about the psychiatrist.
No way was I going deal with clones of the step-loser on top of everything else. And, as if the People of Faith weren't bad enough, the horrid prayer session would be followed by an equally annoying session with Dr. Asher. He'd ask me a lot of questions about how this and that made me feel. Then he'd babble on and on about teenage anger and angst being normal but that only I could choose how it would have an impact on my life...blah...blah...and since this was an "emergency" he'd probably want me to draw something that represented my inner child or whatever.
Once again, more block quotes. So Zoey’s idea of psychology only seems to revolve around a very bare definition. Zoey seems to be stuck on nothing but sarcasm, but sarcasm only works when you can talk without being sarcastic. Sarcasm is a form of emphasis, like rolling your eyes. But you have to keep your eyes straight for the rolling to emphasize your sarcasm.
Counts!
And The Judges Scores Are: 60
One for her calling him the step-loser, one for demeaning the Christians, one for calling the doctor annoying, and one for her going blah blah.
So Zoey ditches, grabbing her spare keys and jumping out the window. She decides she wants to go visit her grandma, even though she knows if she doesn’t go to the school she’ll die. Zoey then tries to give herself some nerd cred by saying she was wearing her Borg Invasion 4D hoodie (sure, it is a Star Trek: The Next Generation ride in Vegas and, sadly, I am on occasion a total Star Trek nerd). So how much more nerdiness will we be seeing later? None. Zoey says she likes Star Trek, and then makes no references to it at all. Making all of this?
Completely pointless.
I’m not going to give that a reference point, because Star Trek is pretty firmly ingrained in the public consciousness.
So Zoey’s Grandma is apparently psychic because she left a note saying that she’s up on the bluffs harvesting lavender. Zoey then bashes her step-father some more. It felt like years since I'd been here, even though I knew it had been only four weeks. John didn't like Grandma. He thought she was weird. I'd even overheard him tell Mom that Grandma was "a witch and going to hell”. He's such an ass.
And The Judges Scores Are: 62
One for her saying he thought she was weird and another for the ass comment.
We leave off with Zoey running up the bluffs to go find her grandma.
Riveting, isn’t it?
And The Judges Scores Are: 62
Turn Me Sideways and I'll Vanish!: 4
Aren't We So Cool and Hip?: 29
Stereotype Solidarity: 8
God is Talking To Me: 1
I Am The Special: 1
Rick Riordan Would Be Ashamed: 0
Vampires Do Everything Better: 0
These References Will Make Sense Forever!: 4
You Idiot!: 1
So I sat on my bed and coughed while I listened to my mom making a frantic call to our shrink's emergency line, followed quickly by another equally hysterical call that would activate the dreaded People of Faith prayer tree. Within thirty minutes our house would begin to fill up with fat women and their beady-eyed pedophile husbands. They'd call me out to the family room. My Mark would be considered a Really Big and Embarrassing Problem, so they'd probably anoint me with some crap that was sure to clog my pores and give me a Cyclops-sized zit before laying their hands on me and praying. They'd ask God to help me stop being such an awful teenager and a problem to my parents.
Terribly sorry to assault you all with a block quote, but there are so many things in here that need to be addressed. Zoey tells us that pretty much every man in her step-father’s church is basically lusting after children, and probably herself. And that all the women are fat. Because all women who worship at any Evangelical church cannot be pretty or smart, they are all ugly stupid fatties because we have to associate them with the evil people in Zoey’s life. So, let’s add up our judging scores. One for fat women, one for pedophiles, one for her sarcasm over the anointing oil, and one for the fact that she just has all this sarcasm in her voice when she talks about them praying.
And The Judges Scores Are: 56
Four counts in one paragraph. And don’t forget the religious sterotypes!
Stereotype Solidarity: 8
Zoey angsts a bit about how she’d gladly trade becoming a vampire to stay in her regular life, even though she’s done nothing but point out how much her regular life sucks for the past three chapters. Oh, and then she gets judgmental about the psychiatrist.
No way was I going deal with clones of the step-loser on top of everything else. And, as if the People of Faith weren't bad enough, the horrid prayer session would be followed by an equally annoying session with Dr. Asher. He'd ask me a lot of questions about how this and that made me feel. Then he'd babble on and on about teenage anger and angst being normal but that only I could choose how it would have an impact on my life...blah...blah...and since this was an "emergency" he'd probably want me to draw something that represented my inner child or whatever.
Once again, more block quotes. So Zoey’s idea of psychology only seems to revolve around a very bare definition. Zoey seems to be stuck on nothing but sarcasm, but sarcasm only works when you can talk without being sarcastic. Sarcasm is a form of emphasis, like rolling your eyes. But you have to keep your eyes straight for the rolling to emphasize your sarcasm.
Counts!
And The Judges Scores Are: 60
One for her calling him the step-loser, one for demeaning the Christians, one for calling the doctor annoying, and one for her going blah blah.
So Zoey ditches, grabbing her spare keys and jumping out the window. She decides she wants to go visit her grandma, even though she knows if she doesn’t go to the school she’ll die. Zoey then tries to give herself some nerd cred by saying she was wearing her Borg Invasion 4D hoodie (sure, it is a Star Trek: The Next Generation ride in Vegas and, sadly, I am on occasion a total Star Trek nerd). So how much more nerdiness will we be seeing later? None. Zoey says she likes Star Trek, and then makes no references to it at all. Making all of this?
Completely pointless.
I’m not going to give that a reference point, because Star Trek is pretty firmly ingrained in the public consciousness.
So Zoey’s Grandma is apparently psychic because she left a note saying that she’s up on the bluffs harvesting lavender. Zoey then bashes her step-father some more. It felt like years since I'd been here, even though I knew it had been only four weeks. John didn't like Grandma. He thought she was weird. I'd even overheard him tell Mom that Grandma was "a witch and going to hell”. He's such an ass.
And The Judges Scores Are: 62
One for her saying he thought she was weird and another for the ass comment.
We leave off with Zoey running up the bluffs to go find her grandma.
Riveting, isn’t it?
And The Judges Scores Are: 62
Turn Me Sideways and I'll Vanish!: 4
Aren't We So Cool and Hip?: 29
Stereotype Solidarity: 8
God is Talking To Me: 1
I Am The Special: 1
Rick Riordan Would Be Ashamed: 0
Vampires Do Everything Better: 0
These References Will Make Sense Forever!: 4
You Idiot!: 1