Dementing Minuet (part1) KAMIJOxTERU
Title: Dementing Minuet (part 1)
Author:
SANSAMOUR20
Rating: G
Warnings: none yet ;p
Pairings: Kamijo x Teru
Disclaimers: Yes, I own my OTP, and they do stuff for my own enjoyment~ I WISH.
Summary: This voice.. these deep sprung words coming out of those rose adorned lips.. pleasingly romantic, yet besmirched by unmeant sultriness, maybe an illicit seduction.. an insatiable melody flowing into my ears, never wanting to leave.. digging deeply, grasping every part of my consciousness, my being.. even my most favored, sanity..
A/N: Teru's POV. please leave comments. ENJOY :)
I had to cut this in half though~ the second part is here
This voice.. these deep sprung words coming out of those rose adorned lips.. pleasingly romantic, yet besmirched by unmeant sultriness, maybe an illicit seduction.. an insatiable melody flowing into my ears, never wanting to leave.. digging deeply, grasping every part of my consciousness, my being.. even my most favored, sanity..
I continue to wonder.. Am i the only one being affected by this voice.. or are others somehow perceiving the same emotions I channel, the same unrest I feel whenever his notes start indulging my ears..
This wasn't how it was at first however.. My mind wouldn't start spinning every time I see my name form on the curves of his lips, almost not hearing any sound coming out, as if going deaf, with my glacial eyes diluting in the center, getting blurry for a second, only retrieving its clear vision after a few seconds of mental rigidness. My pale skin wouldn't also heat up, flushing pastel pink from my playful cheekbones down to the tip of my small nose every time we casually touched, his warm porcelain skin innocently brushing against mine. These petty things never seemed to have bothered me at all..
We used to have this certain bond, a relationship innate within co-members of a band. He would
teach me things I never had the chance of learning from my previous band, or those that weren't really necessary to know of until now. His sophistication amazed me. The way he does things w/ such grace and finesse kept me at a distance, only admiring him quietly within myself.. But he didn't want any of us to be out of placed. I think he saw me once, trying to sit in an elegant way as I always see him doing, though only ending up in a bad posture, as expected of my slouchy self. I began noticing how he was observing me from a far, eyeing every move I made, creating an awkward air between us, that I just decided to end my silly attempt. As I was abt to stand from the sofa we had at the set however, he slowly walked towards my direction and took a seat next to me.
"Teru-kun.." he breathed out softly, smiling as he said that, "..you do it like this."
I never even paid attention to how beautiful his smile was before.
He started shifting his back in a relaxed state, moving his hips into place w/ his slender hands rested unto his lap, and finally stretching out one leg gracefully on top of the other. He was really of a noble blood, I thought at the time. He made me do it w/ him, until finally I can sit in an elegant manner myself as well. All other things, including how to use the spoon and fork for our tours abroad he personally taught me, and I was very thankful for that. I knew he was just looking out for me for I was the youngest, unlike Hime who already is a veteran in the field, Yuki who can always take care of himself, and Jasmine'san who can blend in w/ everyone no matter where he went. I knew I can manage by myself though, but he just insists to take care of things for me.
"You're spoiling him too much." I heard Hime say to him w/ a giggle once while we were chilling on Jasmine-san's house. I was too busy playing around w/ Yuki to bother w/ that, and it wasn't true as far as I believe.
spoil huh..
We weren't that close.. We get along but that's about it. I feel more at ease w/ Yuki. He's a crazy fun guy, and I can be my total self whenever we're together. Just the same w/ Jasmine-san.. with him I feel most relaxed.. a wonderful person inside out whom I can confide everything with.. like my sanctuary.. a place I can run to and hide away from just about anything.. He was like that for everyone. He binds people w/ his presence, his healing light, and everyone feels happy just because he's around..
and then that happened..
The devastation we felt at that time, the agony and remorse.. It was unbearable, excruciatingly painful. A different sense of loss for each of us that no one had enough strength to encourage the others.. No one spoke.. nothing could be uttered.. for each of us knew nothing would come out.. only these unwanted, lamenting tears to burn our already swollen cheeks..
I scanned everyone's faces. Hime's eyes were awfully beaten. The beauty he radiated, the royalty and poise he always wore, the exquisite air he hung around his persona everytime he swiftly danced, his intricately divine dress bouncing along in circles like the elegant princess that he is.. everything was gone, and all I can see is a helpless withering rose.. trying to stay rooted, but ends up breaking down every second for the loss of his very best friend..
and Yuki.. oh Yuki..
when I turned to face him, he carefully smiled at me, stretching out his hand to pat my head.. he even tried to laugh, but down came gentle tears as he did. It was heartbreaking, the way he tried concealing his woes w/ his usual energetic laugh.. I wanted to reach out too, maybe pat his head for him this time, but he just grabbed me, pulling my back against his body and broke down unrelentlessly, burying his face deep into my left shoulder. My tears rolled down even more as he held me like that. It wasn't like Hime and Yuki's who tried holding back theirs. Mine flowed out nonstop, until my once full rounded eyes were swollen w/ red stings of void and misery. I wish I could stop everyone from crying.. to give back his bestfriend to our Princess, to give the
usual energetic glow back to Yuki.. and to give-
I brushed away part of Yuki's hair and looked up. There I saw him staring straight at me from a corner. He wasn't crying nor was he trying to hold back any tears. He just stood there, watching Yuki and I for who knows how long.. I couldn't make out the expression on his face, my eyes were too blurry, too tired to see clearly.
When most of the ppl had already left, I was still there, sitting by myself. I couldn't move my numbing muscles.. can't even tell if I'd already stop crying by that time. I just sat there staring into space, not having the urge to move, to finally go home and rest. I wish I'd gone w/ the others.. Yuki would've driven me home so I wouldn't have anything to think abt anymore.
"Teru-san?" a staff called out from behind.
"Hai. I'll be there in a moment."
"Yes, and maybe you can leave w/ Kamijo-san too?"
"eh? I thought he left w/ Hime?"
"No. He's still somewhere in the bldg. Can you go to him? we still have to clean up." he bowed to me for his request, and I nodded almost mindlessly.
I found him sitting quietly on the lounge, his coffee untouched and gone cold. He wasn't smoking too, though I can see the Salem Pianissimo box resting beside his cup.
"Kamijo-san?" I called out to him softly, finally breaking the silence within the room.
He didn't look up to me immediately, as if not hearing my voice, nor noticing my presence in the room. For a moment I just stood there watching him. It was a tense atmosphere.. one where I couldn't decide what to do next. I couldn't bring my voice to call out his name once more. I was, maybe, afraid of getting.. ignored? sent away even. The deafening silence grew more unbearable as more seconds elapsed. I was abt to take a step backward when finally, he looked up to me, and my heart almost stopped. His eyes struck me painfully.. They were so beautiful, crafted perfectly into shape.. imbued with such luster, such alluring gaze.. yet cruelly inflicted with the most pain, the most sadness I have seen from everyone. They were very tired, completely worn out, as if wanting to give in, to scream out in twinging distress all the anguish and sorrow corroding them, though choosing not to, that instead it remained impeccably quiet between us, w/ only his deep gaze directed at me, trying to send across something he refused to put into words.
Somehow I knew.. I could very much feel what he couldn't utter.. what he didn't, or was afraid of doing.. I didn't know why though.
why was he, holding back?
Without noticing my body moving closer, i only sensed my actions when my thin fingers already held his face, shaking and uncertain, but didn't in the least falther. He was so vulnerable at the time, that i suddenly grew in confidence.. maybe.
"Kamijo-san.."
He looked up to me as I held his face.. I wanted to utter something, to connect to him in any way what little happiness still left in me at that very moment amidst the pulpy eyecaps and red-stung nose. But all I could offer him was..
He saw my face and his features gradually softened, as his eyes started welling up, reflecting even more light, a kind of radiance from what it is to come. He grabbed my shoulders, his leather gloves gripping my skin tightly, fingers shaking gently, trying to fight it back w/ one last effort, before finally submitting, turning to seek this unexpected comfort.
And then they appeared..
Lustrous silver drops made their way down his cheeks, flowing out slowly, as if afraid of being seen, but flowed out continuously nevertheless. They were rare tears for the lonely king.. the sense of duty he had of being the band's pillar of strength was what made him lock away every sign of weakness, even his innocent tears that yearns to come out, to have a share of his pain and grief even for a little.. All along he lamented quietly within himself.. for the loss of a beloved friend, one he held dearly as family, even more precious than a brother..
and one whom.. he regretted not being able to save amidst his strong desire of protecting every one of his jewelled members.
It was the hardest thing the band had ever had to go through, one which we didn't know if we'd even recover. But we did. As Jasmine-san would've expected, we were able to win over the toughest battle laid down before us, amidst all the pain, the hurting and the tears.. It bound as tighter, closer than ever before, as we decided to head on forward and continue what the five of
us had started.
When everything got settled, and everyone could get back to work once more, inspired and empowered to finish what we have started as we have earned an angel, an eternal member at our side, he suddenly came to me in a corner. I was with Yuki then, discussing some things we need to add up to the drum parts of my composition, but I was pulled away almost swiftly. He said it would only be for a moment, and that I am excused from my other pending work 'til it can be finished. We went to his office, and I could already sense the different beam in his aura, though sadness still lingers from it, he was a lot better now than he was at that time. The kind that can already get a job done, after managing to turn the pain into inspiration, to turn our loss into an empowerment. I would only learn later what made him open up to me that day though, as I didn't even do anything. All I knew was, he asked me into making an extra song for the album..
"me..? Why me?" I found myself almost asking automatically as soon as he brought up the subject. I had a lot of other stuff to do, what w/ all the designs I had to accomplish apart from
the songs still in-need of my guitar parts.. most of all though,
"Wouldn't Hime be more fitting to have his first solo song on our
release?" I asked in all earnesty but he just smiled rather sheepishly.
He allowed me to leave as soon as we finished discussing the details. Before I got to opening the door though, he suddenly called out my name from behind. I removed my hand from the knob, turned to face him, only to get caught up between his slender arms. He trapped me within
his reach, locking my small frame into a gentle, yet hesitant embrace. I still couldn't fathom what was happening at that time.. all I knew was my body reacted somewhat, weirdly.. The feeling of his warmth, his gentle arms crossed against my back, the sound of his heavy breathing so close to my face, all these brought about certain sensations within my chest that i was very unfamiliar with..
As he hold on to me like that, he brought my face against his chest, planting his perfectly carved lips on top of my head for what seemed like.. forever.. i thought i'd already stopped breathing, my head, chest, everything within me acted funny.. i thought they were abt to explode, before he finally whispered,
"Thank You.."
..really now, what did I do?
I wanted to ask those words if only my chest would stop thumping so hard it hurts.. My skin wouldn't stop heating up, burning my supposed grayscale complexion into a rosey-white fairness, that I had to hide my face away from view.. and the uneasy feeling in my stomach, with
butterflies flying abt in circles..
Then on I was given more tasks than usual.. my sleep got less and less; even the tour goods, got assigned to me as well. I was happy though, for it only meant the label trusted me enough to handle such things..
At least he trusted me enough.
At times, I would forget even to eat.. all I had in mind was work.
"oi Gesuii!" Yuki called out one morning while I was busy doing designs in my Mac, waiting for everyone to arrive. Wrapping his arms around my shoulders, he sloppily sat next to me, shaking the whole sofa with him. That nickname.. he often calls me that just out of his silly whim that I'm already used to it. The fact that he was bothering my work though, was something else. I had a deadline to meet the following day, and I already pulled out an all-nighter.. maybe I even need
to do another one tonight. Clearly I wasn't in the right mood for fooling around.
"What is it?" i asked without looking.
"Let's eat out later! Are you free? It'll be my treat!" he beamed at me w/ his usual crazy face.
I didn't answer and just went on w/ my work. No matter what it was, it isn't as important as my deadline. He didn't leave me alone though. He was Yuki, the most persistent person you could ever meet. A few more tries to get my attention, and finally I looked up to him.
"WHAT NOW?!" I asked in a somewhat louder voice, in a hope of making him realize just how irritatedly busy I was.
He smiled and forced an Onigiri in my mouth. I munched on it softly in one cheek and narrowed an eyebrow at him.
"You're irritated now, so that means you haven't eaten yet. Good thing Ohime'san brought these over!" he flashed a wide grin as he showed me a pink bento w/ just enough Onigiri for everyone.
"Eh?"
I didn't even notice Hizaki come in. I decided to greet the princess shortly before going back to my designs, Yuki however, kept stuffing my mouth with food.
"Yuki, what are you doing?"
We all looked up and saw our vocalist entering the room, his long dark coat flew gracefully as he walked his way to us. He placed down his black duvet bag on a couch nearby, and removed his sunglasses w/ an eyebrow raised to Yuki who kept feeding me still.
"Kamijo, your late." Hime remarked.
"Yo～ want some?" Yuki extended out the bento for him tosee. "finger-sized Onigiri made by Hime'san. I was just feeding up this boy here. He's too busy, he no longer eats properly. See?
Gesuii." he shook his head as he raises one of my arm, pinching my skin softly.
I looked at his face while finishing everything stuffed in my mouth. As he eyed the box Yuki was handing out to him, our eyes met for a moment, and I almost choked all the food out producing a soft muffled sound.
"Oi are you alright?" Yuki asked.
"It's your fault for forcing him to eat too much at once w/o giving him a drink" Hime retorted. "I'll get you a juice at the refectory Teru. I need to give these to a staff there too, so."
"hai hai, I'm coming with you!" Yuki announced as he tags along the princess.
I patted my chest even after they left, wishing they would be back soon w/ something for me to drink. I coughed a little more..
"Here."
I looked up and saw a black canester up front my face.
"Drink.." he said to me with a slightly tilted, worried look.
"What's this?"
"It's the first time you've seen this?" he laughed, "it's my coffee canester. Don't I always bring it w/ me?"
"I've never noticed it though.." I mumbled while getting my hands on it.
"Try it. I only drink the finest coffee."
"haiiiii..."
I took a sip first, trying to take in its taste. He watched me all along, smiling as I made a face.
"aaah.. that's super delicious!☆ Thank you Kamijo-san! I think I may have drank a little too much though?" I bowed as I handed the canester back to him.
"Then you'll treat me to a cafe later if I run out." He flashed his pearly-white teeth in a grin.
"Ehh? I have so much yet to finish!"
"After you're free then?"
"haii!"
～～～
"Let's begin shall we?" He now stood behind his desk, carrying papers I figured to be the song sheets we've just finished rehearsing for the first time last night. Hime and Yuki got back a little later too, fighting with each other still.
"Well I wouldn't bring Sonia along here anymore."
"But you just said you'll take her along tomorrow!" Yuki whined.
"Nahh. I only said that when I thought you'll be busy w/ your own recording. Since there was a change of plans, then.." Hime smiled to himself, "..she'll just stay home and play on her room. I can't let you touch her."
"What abt me Hime? I wanna play w/ Sonia tooo! It's been awhile since I last saw her nee." I decided to join in.
"Teru'kun can visit her anytime at my house."
"What abt me?!" Yuki protested once more.
"Go play w/ your own cat."
I stiffled a laughter at that. Hime always gives Yuki a hard time,
most especially w/ his lovely Sonia. He never wants the drummer to touch his precious little thing, when only poor Yuki wants is to play with it.
The princess' attention got averted from the discussion however, when he spotted the canester resting in full view on top of Kamijo-san's desk.
"Oooh.. Kamijo, you finally leave that out in the open! Can I have some please?" He asks excitedly. Apparently he's been meaning to have a drink on that for so long.
"Of course not," Kamijo-san answered to him, "You know I won't. Do you want to order instead? i'll call a nearby cafe and have it delivered."
"Hmmp.. you never change. Fine, just buy us coffee. It's the least you can do for ALWAYS getting stingy over that thing." the princess stated.
"Yeah, why don't you let ppl drink from that Kamijo'san? Now I'm curious. Is it like a magic coffee or something?" Yuki asked. "Oi Gesuii, come here! Help us persuade the old man! Aren't you curious yourself?" he suddenly turned to me.
Hime turned to face me as well, waiting for my response. I didn't know how to answer to that.. Should I even tell them? I really didn't know.. when Kamijo-san himself watched how I'd react however, I felt my face started to heat up. He was such an actor, looking at me all innocently like that.
"I-I..." I lowered my head to hide my face behind my Mac.
"What?" Hime and Yuki asked me in unison, exchanging dirty looks as they did.
"I-I'm busy.." I said finally, my beaten face still hidden perfectly away from view.
Our work ended for the day and I hurriedly got home to continue my own business. My body yearns for a bed, muscle pains churning in.. My fingers were getting stiff too, what with all the typing and playing the guitar consistently within the day, without so much of a rest except for the occassional necessary conversations w/c would require my attention out of my screen. I wouldn't forgive myself if I sleep over an unfinished work though, not ever. After a series of koiwai coffee milk tea drained and trashed on the floor, w/c later I would have toclean up should my body not submit to its much wanted slumber first, I was nearly finished.. Finally.
But then something happened and with a push of a key, my screen blacked out, taking the rest of my unsaved designs with it.
Crashed.
It crashed just like that along w/ my several days of painful hard work. It wouldn't reboot, nor open no matter what I did..
I was already in tears..
I gazed at the clock with my dripping, tired eyes. It was already past 1. An ungodly hour to make service calls.. Our technician is even on a leave for a week. Such such timing.
I kicked one coffee bottle against the adjacent wall, only to find it rolling back to my feet.
"coffee.." it says on the label.
Coffee huh..
I got my phone and browsed through the numbers in my list.. Maybe I'd try asking help from him. He knows Macs better than I do, but..
Tears rolled out once more. I couldn't think of any other person who could help me though.. As much as I was embarassed to disturb him this late at night--
Desperate, I pushed the call button. Just three rings.. three rings w/o an answer and I'd end it..
I held my breath as it started to ring.. One..
Two..
Thr--
"Teru-kun?" he called my name softly. His voice echoing smoothly from the other side, forcing a relief out of me.. like a saving melody, a pacifying sonnet meant only for my ears.. I was so happy to hear him speak, I even forgot to stop my already flowing tears.
"K-Kamijo'san.." I struggled to keep my voice from shaking. "My Mac.. It's--"
"Hold on, I'm coming."
He ended the call just like that, not even giving me the chance to finish my words. He must've heard my sobs, my shameful hushed up sobs that I was trying so hard to conceal. I haven't even told him what happened yet, but then..
Somehow, the panic in my heart subsided.. The urgency of the situation seemed to have slowed down, putting everything into a halt.. reassuring myself that things are going to be fine, a pleasing affirmation only hearing his voice brought..
30mins later and I heard him knocking on my doorstep. Without a chance to fix my awful appearance, a portion of my cheeks still wet from tears, I slowly opened up my door to him, peeking a little at first, wondering now why I even did that. As if I'd mistake his voice for somebody else's.
His worried face dawned at me, amidst the creaking wood and cold knob, I carefully pushed my door a little, awkwardly wondering how he got here in such a short time.
"Come here, what's wrong?" He pulled me close, wiping my cheeks with the back of his hands.
I only realized how cold the night breeze was outside when I stepped out to welcome him. The midfrost air blew chills against my bare legs and my peeking tummy, that I felt my skin start to quiver, even my wet cheeks started freezing over. I still wore that hanging gray top I had earlier for work, w/ only my jeans changed to a pair of mini cotton shorts, the kind I often wear at home. His gaze didn't leave my eyes as I held on to him, half explaining everything. I was too distracted by his touch to think straight.. He was warm.. very warm that I'd want to stay being held by him like that, to feel more of his heat radiating against my cheeks as he cup them w/ his soft slender hands..
"You're such a crybaby.." he finally laughed, shaking his head at me, softly pinching my cheeks. "You know you can always come to me whenever you need me, but you still had to cry.. I was so worried I almost--"
"almost..?" I asked after he left his sentence hanging.
"Nothing." he shrugged.
He worked on my Mac as soon as we went in. It was a bit embarrassing, what w/ all the bottles I had scattered everywhere. My sheets sat in my bed kissing the marble floor, two guitar cases flew open across the sofa leaving no spot to sit on, even the pants I wore earlier still laid itself just beside my Mac. My exceptionally dark room among its pitch black curtains was a total mess, and it was our finicky vocalist, the particularly hygienic one that just had to witness it. I
sat beside him, quietly playing some random tunes w/ my guitar, fidgeting all around unknowingly.
"Teru-kun, relax will you?"
"Huh? what.. why?"
"Look.." he uttered as he eyed my hands, "you're hands are shaking, and your fingers.. that's not how my guitarist plays you know."
I softly giggled at his words, speaking as if he knew my antics better than myself.
"Oh. oh... I haven't noticed. S-sorry.." I apologized before stopping altogether.
"Now play me something beautiful."
How can I play something beautiful at a time like this.
"beautiful? do you have a song in mind?"
"I want something, directed only to myself." he said, still working on the Mac.
"Eh..."
"why don't you.." he paused as he grinned to himself, "..serenade me?"
Why would I even.. O-kay. He's really too demanding.
"Then I'll play Serenade.." I muttered as I picked up my guitar once more.
The melody started kicking in. I had to improvise a little for Hime's parts, but it's turning out really nice.. I strummed some more, picking out a few nice cuts of the song, even tried copying the lovely cello part w/c i found really beautiful.. and the violin, the resonance of w/c was as soulful as how it stayed in my head, i was able to recreate slowly.. The melody was established now, that i had to smile at how fine it turned out, before he stuck out his hand to my strings, cutting the music instantly.
"What?" I asked, confused.
"I didn't ask you to play Serenade now, did I?" his eyes darted at me, piercing enough to leave one astounded.
Did I mention how this guy is really, REALLY demanding.. and quite impatient at that too.
"Hai haii.. give me a moment." I finally gave in.
I watched him get back to work w/ his usual triumphant grin. He's the same w/ the princess in that aspect, always up to get whatever he wants, no matter what it takes, though apparently he's much more difficult to handle, not to mention how no one can really deny him anything he wants. Our vocalist has more complexity, more command in both words and tone. At least the princess gives some considerations..
What do I think of him exactly?
I put my mind to work, trying to work out a tune.. any melody that'd fit the Versailles vocalist, but the momentum just wasn't there. I was too tired.. too worried for my designs due the next day or rather just a few hours later that, that...
"Done!" He exclaimed as his eyes shone, reflected w/ the light from my screen already starting up.
I quickly stood up from my place and sat excitedly beside him, watching my Mac work once more.
"How abt my lost designs though?"
"Lost? haha, watch.." he muttered as he pushed some keys, "There."
"Uwaaa!" i cried as I watched all the programs I've been using earlier come back to screen, along w/ my unsaved works. Everything got retrieved. Not one was lost. I was so happy, so happy that I jumped and wrapped my arms around his neck, thanking him countlessly, over and over.
"Thank you, Kamijo-san thank you.." I repeatedly said, my voice swallowed up by tears once more.
"Oi, oi" He laughed at me as he cupped my face close, "Don't start crying on me again."
I just nodded, releasing my arms on him. Wiping my eyes, I got back to my designs finally, as he watched right next to me, keeping me company as I finished up everything. His warmth shrouded my room, as we sat together like that, shoulders and knees brushing against each other. He would give out his opinions on my work, and I would modify it according to his suggestions, if I did agree with them. I finished at last, letting out a blissful sigh of relief, resting my head on his shoulder for a bit, before lifting it off of him again. "Rest a bit more, you deserve it." he whispers on top of my head, as he lays it into his shoulder once more.
Before I knew it, I was already asleep in his lap with a blanket covering us. He felt so warm that I had to squeeze in a bit more.. my aching back, arms and neck finally took comfort as I rested my small frame onto him, my face feeling the smooth leather of his pants with my arms rested on his knees. The aroma of the coffee he drank filled the room, bringing about a soothing atmosphere, accented even more by the cool scent of his perfume.. It felt so relaxing, so..
go to part two
Author:
SANSAMOUR20
Rating: G
Warnings: none yet ;p
Pairings: Kamijo x Teru
Disclaimers: Yes, I own my OTP, and they do stuff for my own enjoyment~ I WISH.
Summary: This voice.. these deep sprung words coming out of those rose adorned lips.. pleasingly romantic, yet besmirched by unmeant sultriness, maybe an illicit seduction.. an insatiable melody flowing into my ears, never wanting to leave.. digging deeply, grasping every part of my consciousness, my being.. even my most favored, sanity..
A/N: Teru's POV. please leave comments. ENJOY :)
I had to cut this in half though~ the second part is here
This voice.. these deep sprung words coming out of those rose adorned lips.. pleasingly romantic, yet besmirched by unmeant sultriness, maybe an illicit seduction.. an insatiable melody flowing into my ears, never wanting to leave.. digging deeply, grasping every part of my consciousness, my being.. even my most favored, sanity..
I continue to wonder.. Am i the only one being affected by this voice.. or are others somehow perceiving the same emotions I channel, the same unrest I feel whenever his notes start indulging my ears..
This wasn't how it was at first however.. My mind wouldn't start spinning every time I see my name form on the curves of his lips, almost not hearing any sound coming out, as if going deaf, with my glacial eyes diluting in the center, getting blurry for a second, only retrieving its clear vision after a few seconds of mental rigidness. My pale skin wouldn't also heat up, flushing pastel pink from my playful cheekbones down to the tip of my small nose every time we casually touched, his warm porcelain skin innocently brushing against mine. These petty things never seemed to have bothered me at all..
We used to have this certain bond, a relationship innate within co-members of a band. He would
teach me things I never had the chance of learning from my previous band, or those that weren't really necessary to know of until now. His sophistication amazed me. The way he does things w/ such grace and finesse kept me at a distance, only admiring him quietly within myself.. But he didn't want any of us to be out of placed. I think he saw me once, trying to sit in an elegant way as I always see him doing, though only ending up in a bad posture, as expected of my slouchy self. I began noticing how he was observing me from a far, eyeing every move I made, creating an awkward air between us, that I just decided to end my silly attempt. As I was abt to stand from the sofa we had at the set however, he slowly walked towards my direction and took a seat next to me.
"Teru-kun.." he breathed out softly, smiling as he said that, "..you do it like this."
I never even paid attention to how beautiful his smile was before.
He started shifting his back in a relaxed state, moving his hips into place w/ his slender hands rested unto his lap, and finally stretching out one leg gracefully on top of the other. He was really of a noble blood, I thought at the time. He made me do it w/ him, until finally I can sit in an elegant manner myself as well. All other things, including how to use the spoon and fork for our tours abroad he personally taught me, and I was very thankful for that. I knew he was just looking out for me for I was the youngest, unlike Hime who already is a veteran in the field, Yuki who can always take care of himself, and Jasmine'san who can blend in w/ everyone no matter where he went. I knew I can manage by myself though, but he just insists to take care of things for me.
"You're spoiling him too much." I heard Hime say to him w/ a giggle once while we were chilling on Jasmine-san's house. I was too busy playing around w/ Yuki to bother w/ that, and it wasn't true as far as I believe.
spoil huh..
We weren't that close.. We get along but that's about it. I feel more at ease w/ Yuki. He's a crazy fun guy, and I can be my total self whenever we're together. Just the same w/ Jasmine-san.. with him I feel most relaxed.. a wonderful person inside out whom I can confide everything with.. like my sanctuary.. a place I can run to and hide away from just about anything.. He was like that for everyone. He binds people w/ his presence, his healing light, and everyone feels happy just because he's around..
and then that happened..
The devastation we felt at that time, the agony and remorse.. It was unbearable, excruciatingly painful. A different sense of loss for each of us that no one had enough strength to encourage the others.. No one spoke.. nothing could be uttered.. for each of us knew nothing would come out.. only these unwanted, lamenting tears to burn our already swollen cheeks..
I scanned everyone's faces. Hime's eyes were awfully beaten. The beauty he radiated, the royalty and poise he always wore, the exquisite air he hung around his persona everytime he swiftly danced, his intricately divine dress bouncing along in circles like the elegant princess that he is.. everything was gone, and all I can see is a helpless withering rose.. trying to stay rooted, but ends up breaking down every second for the loss of his very best friend..
and Yuki.. oh Yuki..
when I turned to face him, he carefully smiled at me, stretching out his hand to pat my head.. he even tried to laugh, but down came gentle tears as he did. It was heartbreaking, the way he tried concealing his woes w/ his usual energetic laugh.. I wanted to reach out too, maybe pat his head for him this time, but he just grabbed me, pulling my back against his body and broke down unrelentlessly, burying his face deep into my left shoulder. My tears rolled down even more as he held me like that. It wasn't like Hime and Yuki's who tried holding back theirs. Mine flowed out nonstop, until my once full rounded eyes were swollen w/ red stings of void and misery. I wish I could stop everyone from crying.. to give back his bestfriend to our Princess, to give the
usual energetic glow back to Yuki.. and to give-
I brushed away part of Yuki's hair and looked up. There I saw him staring straight at me from a corner. He wasn't crying nor was he trying to hold back any tears. He just stood there, watching Yuki and I for who knows how long.. I couldn't make out the expression on his face, my eyes were too blurry, too tired to see clearly.
When most of the ppl had already left, I was still there, sitting by myself. I couldn't move my numbing muscles.. can't even tell if I'd already stop crying by that time. I just sat there staring into space, not having the urge to move, to finally go home and rest. I wish I'd gone w/ the others.. Yuki would've driven me home so I wouldn't have anything to think abt anymore.
"Teru-san?" a staff called out from behind.
"Hai. I'll be there in a moment."
"Yes, and maybe you can leave w/ Kamijo-san too?"
"eh? I thought he left w/ Hime?"
"No. He's still somewhere in the bldg. Can you go to him? we still have to clean up." he bowed to me for his request, and I nodded almost mindlessly.
I found him sitting quietly on the lounge, his coffee untouched and gone cold. He wasn't smoking too, though I can see the Salem Pianissimo box resting beside his cup.
"Kamijo-san?" I called out to him softly, finally breaking the silence within the room.
He didn't look up to me immediately, as if not hearing my voice, nor noticing my presence in the room. For a moment I just stood there watching him. It was a tense atmosphere.. one where I couldn't decide what to do next. I couldn't bring my voice to call out his name once more. I was, maybe, afraid of getting.. ignored? sent away even. The deafening silence grew more unbearable as more seconds elapsed. I was abt to take a step backward when finally, he looked up to me, and my heart almost stopped. His eyes struck me painfully.. They were so beautiful, crafted perfectly into shape.. imbued with such luster, such alluring gaze.. yet cruelly inflicted with the most pain, the most sadness I have seen from everyone. They were very tired, completely worn out, as if wanting to give in, to scream out in twinging distress all the anguish and sorrow corroding them, though choosing not to, that instead it remained impeccably quiet between us, w/ only his deep gaze directed at me, trying to send across something he refused to put into words.
Somehow I knew.. I could very much feel what he couldn't utter.. what he didn't, or was afraid of doing.. I didn't know why though.
why was he, holding back?
Without noticing my body moving closer, i only sensed my actions when my thin fingers already held his face, shaking and uncertain, but didn't in the least falther. He was so vulnerable at the time, that i suddenly grew in confidence.. maybe.
"Kamijo-san.."
He looked up to me as I held his face.. I wanted to utter something, to connect to him in any way what little happiness still left in me at that very moment amidst the pulpy eyecaps and red-stung nose. But all I could offer him was..
He saw my face and his features gradually softened, as his eyes started welling up, reflecting even more light, a kind of radiance from what it is to come. He grabbed my shoulders, his leather gloves gripping my skin tightly, fingers shaking gently, trying to fight it back w/ one last effort, before finally submitting, turning to seek this unexpected comfort.
And then they appeared..
Lustrous silver drops made their way down his cheeks, flowing out slowly, as if afraid of being seen, but flowed out continuously nevertheless. They were rare tears for the lonely king.. the sense of duty he had of being the band's pillar of strength was what made him lock away every sign of weakness, even his innocent tears that yearns to come out, to have a share of his pain and grief even for a little.. All along he lamented quietly within himself.. for the loss of a beloved friend, one he held dearly as family, even more precious than a brother..
and one whom.. he regretted not being able to save amidst his strong desire of protecting every one of his jewelled members.
It was the hardest thing the band had ever had to go through, one which we didn't know if we'd even recover. But we did. As Jasmine-san would've expected, we were able to win over the toughest battle laid down before us, amidst all the pain, the hurting and the tears.. It bound as tighter, closer than ever before, as we decided to head on forward and continue what the five of
us had started.
When everything got settled, and everyone could get back to work once more, inspired and empowered to finish what we have started as we have earned an angel, an eternal member at our side, he suddenly came to me in a corner. I was with Yuki then, discussing some things we need to add up to the drum parts of my composition, but I was pulled away almost swiftly. He said it would only be for a moment, and that I am excused from my other pending work 'til it can be finished. We went to his office, and I could already sense the different beam in his aura, though sadness still lingers from it, he was a lot better now than he was at that time. The kind that can already get a job done, after managing to turn the pain into inspiration, to turn our loss into an empowerment. I would only learn later what made him open up to me that day though, as I didn't even do anything. All I knew was, he asked me into making an extra song for the album..
"me..? Why me?" I found myself almost asking automatically as soon as he brought up the subject. I had a lot of other stuff to do, what w/ all the designs I had to accomplish apart from
the songs still in-need of my guitar parts.. most of all though,
"Wouldn't Hime be more fitting to have his first solo song on our
release?" I asked in all earnesty but he just smiled rather sheepishly.
He allowed me to leave as soon as we finished discussing the details. Before I got to opening the door though, he suddenly called out my name from behind. I removed my hand from the knob, turned to face him, only to get caught up between his slender arms. He trapped me within
his reach, locking my small frame into a gentle, yet hesitant embrace. I still couldn't fathom what was happening at that time.. all I knew was my body reacted somewhat, weirdly.. The feeling of his warmth, his gentle arms crossed against my back, the sound of his heavy breathing so close to my face, all these brought about certain sensations within my chest that i was very unfamiliar with..
As he hold on to me like that, he brought my face against his chest, planting his perfectly carved lips on top of my head for what seemed like.. forever.. i thought i'd already stopped breathing, my head, chest, everything within me acted funny.. i thought they were abt to explode, before he finally whispered,
"Thank You.."
..really now, what did I do?
I wanted to ask those words if only my chest would stop thumping so hard it hurts.. My skin wouldn't stop heating up, burning my supposed grayscale complexion into a rosey-white fairness, that I had to hide my face away from view.. and the uneasy feeling in my stomach, with
butterflies flying abt in circles..
Then on I was given more tasks than usual.. my sleep got less and less; even the tour goods, got assigned to me as well. I was happy though, for it only meant the label trusted me enough to handle such things..
At least he trusted me enough.
At times, I would forget even to eat.. all I had in mind was work.
"oi Gesuii!" Yuki called out one morning while I was busy doing designs in my Mac, waiting for everyone to arrive. Wrapping his arms around my shoulders, he sloppily sat next to me, shaking the whole sofa with him. That nickname.. he often calls me that just out of his silly whim that I'm already used to it. The fact that he was bothering my work though, was something else. I had a deadline to meet the following day, and I already pulled out an all-nighter.. maybe I even need
to do another one tonight. Clearly I wasn't in the right mood for fooling around.
"What is it?" i asked without looking.
"Let's eat out later! Are you free? It'll be my treat!" he beamed at me w/ his usual crazy face.
I didn't answer and just went on w/ my work. No matter what it was, it isn't as important as my deadline. He didn't leave me alone though. He was Yuki, the most persistent person you could ever meet. A few more tries to get my attention, and finally I looked up to him.
"WHAT NOW?!" I asked in a somewhat louder voice, in a hope of making him realize just how irritatedly busy I was.
He smiled and forced an Onigiri in my mouth. I munched on it softly in one cheek and narrowed an eyebrow at him.
"You're irritated now, so that means you haven't eaten yet. Good thing Ohime'san brought these over!" he flashed a wide grin as he showed me a pink bento w/ just enough Onigiri for everyone.
"Eh?"
I didn't even notice Hizaki come in. I decided to greet the princess shortly before going back to my designs, Yuki however, kept stuffing my mouth with food.
"Yuki, what are you doing?"
We all looked up and saw our vocalist entering the room, his long dark coat flew gracefully as he walked his way to us. He placed down his black duvet bag on a couch nearby, and removed his sunglasses w/ an eyebrow raised to Yuki who kept feeding me still.
"Kamijo, your late." Hime remarked.
"Yo～ want some?" Yuki extended out the bento for him tosee. "finger-sized Onigiri made by Hime'san. I was just feeding up this boy here. He's too busy, he no longer eats properly. See?
Gesuii." he shook his head as he raises one of my arm, pinching my skin softly.
I looked at his face while finishing everything stuffed in my mouth. As he eyed the box Yuki was handing out to him, our eyes met for a moment, and I almost choked all the food out producing a soft muffled sound.
"Oi are you alright?" Yuki asked.
"It's your fault for forcing him to eat too much at once w/o giving him a drink" Hime retorted. "I'll get you a juice at the refectory Teru. I need to give these to a staff there too, so."
"hai hai, I'm coming with you!" Yuki announced as he tags along the princess.
I patted my chest even after they left, wishing they would be back soon w/ something for me to drink. I coughed a little more..
"Here."
I looked up and saw a black canester up front my face.
"Drink.." he said to me with a slightly tilted, worried look.
"What's this?"
"It's the first time you've seen this?" he laughed, "it's my coffee canester. Don't I always bring it w/ me?"
"I've never noticed it though.." I mumbled while getting my hands on it.
"Try it. I only drink the finest coffee."
"haiiiii..."
I took a sip first, trying to take in its taste. He watched me all along, smiling as I made a face.
"aaah.. that's super delicious!☆ Thank you Kamijo-san! I think I may have drank a little too much though?" I bowed as I handed the canester back to him.
"Then you'll treat me to a cafe later if I run out." He flashed his pearly-white teeth in a grin.
"Ehh? I have so much yet to finish!"
"After you're free then?"
"haii!"
～～～
"Let's begin shall we?" He now stood behind his desk, carrying papers I figured to be the song sheets we've just finished rehearsing for the first time last night. Hime and Yuki got back a little later too, fighting with each other still.
"Well I wouldn't bring Sonia along here anymore."
"But you just said you'll take her along tomorrow!" Yuki whined.
"Nahh. I only said that when I thought you'll be busy w/ your own recording. Since there was a change of plans, then.." Hime smiled to himself, "..she'll just stay home and play on her room. I can't let you touch her."
"What abt me Hime? I wanna play w/ Sonia tooo! It's been awhile since I last saw her nee." I decided to join in.
"Teru'kun can visit her anytime at my house."
"What abt me?!" Yuki protested once more.
"Go play w/ your own cat."
I stiffled a laughter at that. Hime always gives Yuki a hard time,
most especially w/ his lovely Sonia. He never wants the drummer to touch his precious little thing, when only poor Yuki wants is to play with it.
The princess' attention got averted from the discussion however, when he spotted the canester resting in full view on top of Kamijo-san's desk.
"Oooh.. Kamijo, you finally leave that out in the open! Can I have some please?" He asks excitedly. Apparently he's been meaning to have a drink on that for so long.
"Of course not," Kamijo-san answered to him, "You know I won't. Do you want to order instead? i'll call a nearby cafe and have it delivered."
"Hmmp.. you never change. Fine, just buy us coffee. It's the least you can do for ALWAYS getting stingy over that thing." the princess stated.
"Yeah, why don't you let ppl drink from that Kamijo'san? Now I'm curious. Is it like a magic coffee or something?" Yuki asked. "Oi Gesuii, come here! Help us persuade the old man! Aren't you curious yourself?" he suddenly turned to me.
Hime turned to face me as well, waiting for my response. I didn't know how to answer to that.. Should I even tell them? I really didn't know.. when Kamijo-san himself watched how I'd react however, I felt my face started to heat up. He was such an actor, looking at me all innocently like that.
"I-I..." I lowered my head to hide my face behind my Mac.
"What?" Hime and Yuki asked me in unison, exchanging dirty looks as they did.
"I-I'm busy.." I said finally, my beaten face still hidden perfectly away from view.
Our work ended for the day and I hurriedly got home to continue my own business. My body yearns for a bed, muscle pains churning in.. My fingers were getting stiff too, what with all the typing and playing the guitar consistently within the day, without so much of a rest except for the occassional necessary conversations w/c would require my attention out of my screen. I wouldn't forgive myself if I sleep over an unfinished work though, not ever. After a series of koiwai coffee milk tea drained and trashed on the floor, w/c later I would have toclean up should my body not submit to its much wanted slumber first, I was nearly finished.. Finally.
But then something happened and with a push of a key, my screen blacked out, taking the rest of my unsaved designs with it.
Crashed.
It crashed just like that along w/ my several days of painful hard work. It wouldn't reboot, nor open no matter what I did..
I was already in tears..
I gazed at the clock with my dripping, tired eyes. It was already past 1. An ungodly hour to make service calls.. Our technician is even on a leave for a week. Such such timing.
I kicked one coffee bottle against the adjacent wall, only to find it rolling back to my feet.
"coffee.." it says on the label.
Coffee huh..
I got my phone and browsed through the numbers in my list.. Maybe I'd try asking help from him. He knows Macs better than I do, but..
Tears rolled out once more. I couldn't think of any other person who could help me though.. As much as I was embarassed to disturb him this late at night--
Desperate, I pushed the call button. Just three rings.. three rings w/o an answer and I'd end it..
I held my breath as it started to ring.. One..
Two..
Thr--
"Teru-kun?" he called my name softly. His voice echoing smoothly from the other side, forcing a relief out of me.. like a saving melody, a pacifying sonnet meant only for my ears.. I was so happy to hear him speak, I even forgot to stop my already flowing tears.
"K-Kamijo'san.." I struggled to keep my voice from shaking. "My Mac.. It's--"
"Hold on, I'm coming."
He ended the call just like that, not even giving me the chance to finish my words. He must've heard my sobs, my shameful hushed up sobs that I was trying so hard to conceal. I haven't even told him what happened yet, but then..
Somehow, the panic in my heart subsided.. The urgency of the situation seemed to have slowed down, putting everything into a halt.. reassuring myself that things are going to be fine, a pleasing affirmation only hearing his voice brought..
30mins later and I heard him knocking on my doorstep. Without a chance to fix my awful appearance, a portion of my cheeks still wet from tears, I slowly opened up my door to him, peeking a little at first, wondering now why I even did that. As if I'd mistake his voice for somebody else's.
His worried face dawned at me, amidst the creaking wood and cold knob, I carefully pushed my door a little, awkwardly wondering how he got here in such a short time.
"Come here, what's wrong?" He pulled me close, wiping my cheeks with the back of his hands.
I only realized how cold the night breeze was outside when I stepped out to welcome him. The midfrost air blew chills against my bare legs and my peeking tummy, that I felt my skin start to quiver, even my wet cheeks started freezing over. I still wore that hanging gray top I had earlier for work, w/ only my jeans changed to a pair of mini cotton shorts, the kind I often wear at home. His gaze didn't leave my eyes as I held on to him, half explaining everything. I was too distracted by his touch to think straight.. He was warm.. very warm that I'd want to stay being held by him like that, to feel more of his heat radiating against my cheeks as he cup them w/ his soft slender hands..
"You're such a crybaby.." he finally laughed, shaking his head at me, softly pinching my cheeks. "You know you can always come to me whenever you need me, but you still had to cry.. I was so worried I almost--"
"almost..?" I asked after he left his sentence hanging.
"Nothing." he shrugged.
He worked on my Mac as soon as we went in. It was a bit embarrassing, what w/ all the bottles I had scattered everywhere. My sheets sat in my bed kissing the marble floor, two guitar cases flew open across the sofa leaving no spot to sit on, even the pants I wore earlier still laid itself just beside my Mac. My exceptionally dark room among its pitch black curtains was a total mess, and it was our finicky vocalist, the particularly hygienic one that just had to witness it. I
sat beside him, quietly playing some random tunes w/ my guitar, fidgeting all around unknowingly.
"Teru-kun, relax will you?"
"Huh? what.. why?"
"Look.." he uttered as he eyed my hands, "you're hands are shaking, and your fingers.. that's not how my guitarist plays you know."
I softly giggled at his words, speaking as if he knew my antics better than myself.
"Oh. oh... I haven't noticed. S-sorry.." I apologized before stopping altogether.
"Now play me something beautiful."
How can I play something beautiful at a time like this.
"beautiful? do you have a song in mind?"
"I want something, directed only to myself." he said, still working on the Mac.
"Eh..."
"why don't you.." he paused as he grinned to himself, "..serenade me?"
Why would I even.. O-kay. He's really too demanding.
"Then I'll play Serenade.." I muttered as I picked up my guitar once more.
The melody started kicking in. I had to improvise a little for Hime's parts, but it's turning out really nice.. I strummed some more, picking out a few nice cuts of the song, even tried copying the lovely cello part w/c i found really beautiful.. and the violin, the resonance of w/c was as soulful as how it stayed in my head, i was able to recreate slowly.. The melody was established now, that i had to smile at how fine it turned out, before he stuck out his hand to my strings, cutting the music instantly.
"What?" I asked, confused.
"I didn't ask you to play Serenade now, did I?" his eyes darted at me, piercing enough to leave one astounded.
Did I mention how this guy is really, REALLY demanding.. and quite impatient at that too.
"Hai haii.. give me a moment." I finally gave in.
I watched him get back to work w/ his usual triumphant grin. He's the same w/ the princess in that aspect, always up to get whatever he wants, no matter what it takes, though apparently he's much more difficult to handle, not to mention how no one can really deny him anything he wants. Our vocalist has more complexity, more command in both words and tone. At least the princess gives some considerations..
What do I think of him exactly?
I put my mind to work, trying to work out a tune.. any melody that'd fit the Versailles vocalist, but the momentum just wasn't there. I was too tired.. too worried for my designs due the next day or rather just a few hours later that, that...
"Done!" He exclaimed as his eyes shone, reflected w/ the light from my screen already starting up.
I quickly stood up from my place and sat excitedly beside him, watching my Mac work once more.
"How abt my lost designs though?"
"Lost? haha, watch.." he muttered as he pushed some keys, "There."
"Uwaaa!" i cried as I watched all the programs I've been using earlier come back to screen, along w/ my unsaved works. Everything got retrieved. Not one was lost. I was so happy, so happy that I jumped and wrapped my arms around his neck, thanking him countlessly, over and over.
"Thank you, Kamijo-san thank you.." I repeatedly said, my voice swallowed up by tears once more.
"Oi, oi" He laughed at me as he cupped my face close, "Don't start crying on me again."
I just nodded, releasing my arms on him. Wiping my eyes, I got back to my designs finally, as he watched right next to me, keeping me company as I finished up everything. His warmth shrouded my room, as we sat together like that, shoulders and knees brushing against each other. He would give out his opinions on my work, and I would modify it according to his suggestions, if I did agree with them. I finished at last, letting out a blissful sigh of relief, resting my head on his shoulder for a bit, before lifting it off of him again. "Rest a bit more, you deserve it." he whispers on top of my head, as he lays it into his shoulder once more.
Before I knew it, I was already asleep in his lap with a blanket covering us. He felt so warm that I had to squeeze in a bit more.. my aching back, arms and neck finally took comfort as I rested my small frame onto him, my face feeling the smooth leather of his pants with my arms rested on his knees. The aroma of the coffee he drank filled the room, bringing about a soothing atmosphere, accented even more by the cool scent of his perfume.. It felt so relaxing, so..
go to part two