(no subject)
It's been a bit of a hard week.
Last Saturday I decided to go out of town alone for the weekend since:
a) my two roommates and best friends in the city were in London and Athenry, respectively
b) my boyfriend was going to Dublin to see his best friends
c) the heater in our apartment was broken and not getting fixed til the Monday
So I took a two hour bus trip up to Westport. My roommate, Rowena, gave me the name of a great hotel to stay in. When I got to the town at 2pm, I was too lazy to look for it and found a B&B downtown.
After being there for a few hours, the drunk kids outside my bedroom window and the drunk men in the room beside mine shouting crude things through the wall at me and promising to come back at 3am "to check up on me", I decided to check out and go find the place Ro told me about.
The man wanted to check my room before I left, and came back down holding my pajama shirt (apparently I had forgotten to put it in my bag). The man tells me to come up to the room. Once there, he corners me and begins screaming at me that the room has been used because the sheets on one corner of the bed were rumpled (where I had watched TV for an hour like I told him). He began calling me an ignorant bitch and was shaking with his anger. My voice remained calm despite the fact he wouldn't even let me finish my sentences before began screaming obscenities at me again. He even yelled at me for calling him sir. I was really scared that he was going to hit me or worse, and once I got out of there I started crying.
My boyfriend Cathal called me randomly to see how I was and heard how upset I was. I told him I'd be fine and would call him later. The fear and anxiety came rushing at me so quickly that I had my first panic attack in years, hyperventilating and getting light-headed and worrying I might pass out. I ran into an video store and asked the clerk to use the phone. I stayed in there until I calmed down then took a cab to the place Ro had told me about.
When I didn't answer my phone, Cathal began to worry. I was able to text him to say what was happening. That dude was in a bar in Dublin at 9pm at this point. He just got up and left his drink there, got in a cab and took the 3 hour trip to the other side of the country where I was. He didn't even go back to his friend's to get his bag or anything! He arrived at midnight and it was nice to spend the night with him in such a beautiful place and the next day the sun was up and shining. A perfect ending to a stressful start. But I still can't believe he took that cab ride. He is amazing.
I arrived at work on Monday tired from the emotional upset of Saturday night. We all went down for breakfast like we normally do and began discussing everyone's weekend. That's when my coworker and friend Ray told us all how his roommate had been raped that weekend in Galway on their doorstep. He began going into some of the details but I stopped being able to listen. Cathal was looking at me desperately, trying not to coddle me but seeing that I was quickly returning to a panicked state. I ran from the table and spent the next hour walking and trying to calm myself down. At this point, of course, my coworkers are suspicious as to why I reacted so strongly and I had the additional stress of having them know about my own history. I told Ray about my own experience so that his roommate could talk to someone if she needed to. Obviously she'll need lots of counselling and professional help, but I might be able to help too. And she is French, so getting to talk to me about it in her first language would also be good for her. Ray was telling me that the attacker kept using some words over the 2 hours it lasted that she had never heard before, like "shout". She had to ask Ray about them later to understand everything he said to her. It's so terrible, everyone's heart is broken. It's just not fucking fair.
So the rest of this week has been terrible. I can't concentrate on anything. I don't want to go anywhere alone, especially at night. I'm afraid of every noise I hear from my bedroom. It didn't happen to me but I can't get it out of my head. I keep freaking out, knowing that this guy is somewhere in Galway.
So I'm going down to Killarney this weekend to meet Cathal's family. I'm pretty excited and nervous about it. But it's only fair, since he is going to meet my incredible family when they come over to Scotland in March. Fair's fair. The distraction should be good and I'm actually looking forward to the 5-hour bus ride there. That time alone with Cathal will do me loads of good.
Hopefully things otherwise will pick up, I'll let you all know.
Love Shona
Last Saturday I decided to go out of town alone for the weekend since:
a) my two roommates and best friends in the city were in London and Athenry, respectively
b) my boyfriend was going to Dublin to see his best friends
c) the heater in our apartment was broken and not getting fixed til the Monday
So I took a two hour bus trip up to Westport. My roommate, Rowena, gave me the name of a great hotel to stay in. When I got to the town at 2pm, I was too lazy to look for it and found a B&B downtown.
After being there for a few hours, the drunk kids outside my bedroom window and the drunk men in the room beside mine shouting crude things through the wall at me and promising to come back at 3am "to check up on me", I decided to check out and go find the place Ro told me about.
The man wanted to check my room before I left, and came back down holding my pajama shirt (apparently I had forgotten to put it in my bag). The man tells me to come up to the room. Once there, he corners me and begins screaming at me that the room has been used because the sheets on one corner of the bed were rumpled (where I had watched TV for an hour like I told him). He began calling me an ignorant bitch and was shaking with his anger. My voice remained calm despite the fact he wouldn't even let me finish my sentences before began screaming obscenities at me again. He even yelled at me for calling him sir. I was really scared that he was going to hit me or worse, and once I got out of there I started crying.
My boyfriend Cathal called me randomly to see how I was and heard how upset I was. I told him I'd be fine and would call him later. The fear and anxiety came rushing at me so quickly that I had my first panic attack in years, hyperventilating and getting light-headed and worrying I might pass out. I ran into an video store and asked the clerk to use the phone. I stayed in there until I calmed down then took a cab to the place Ro had told me about.
When I didn't answer my phone, Cathal began to worry. I was able to text him to say what was happening. That dude was in a bar in Dublin at 9pm at this point. He just got up and left his drink there, got in a cab and took the 3 hour trip to the other side of the country where I was. He didn't even go back to his friend's to get his bag or anything! He arrived at midnight and it was nice to spend the night with him in such a beautiful place and the next day the sun was up and shining. A perfect ending to a stressful start. But I still can't believe he took that cab ride. He is amazing.
I arrived at work on Monday tired from the emotional upset of Saturday night. We all went down for breakfast like we normally do and began discussing everyone's weekend. That's when my coworker and friend Ray told us all how his roommate had been raped that weekend in Galway on their doorstep. He began going into some of the details but I stopped being able to listen. Cathal was looking at me desperately, trying not to coddle me but seeing that I was quickly returning to a panicked state. I ran from the table and spent the next hour walking and trying to calm myself down. At this point, of course, my coworkers are suspicious as to why I reacted so strongly and I had the additional stress of having them know about my own history. I told Ray about my own experience so that his roommate could talk to someone if she needed to. Obviously she'll need lots of counselling and professional help, but I might be able to help too. And she is French, so getting to talk to me about it in her first language would also be good for her. Ray was telling me that the attacker kept using some words over the 2 hours it lasted that she had never heard before, like "shout". She had to ask Ray about them later to understand everything he said to her. It's so terrible, everyone's heart is broken. It's just not fucking fair.
So the rest of this week has been terrible. I can't concentrate on anything. I don't want to go anywhere alone, especially at night. I'm afraid of every noise I hear from my bedroom. It didn't happen to me but I can't get it out of my head. I keep freaking out, knowing that this guy is somewhere in Galway.
So I'm going down to Killarney this weekend to meet Cathal's family. I'm pretty excited and nervous about it. But it's only fair, since he is going to meet my incredible family when they come over to Scotland in March. Fair's fair. The distraction should be good and I'm actually looking forward to the 5-hour bus ride there. That time alone with Cathal will do me loads of good.
Hopefully things otherwise will pick up, I'll let you all know.
Love Shona