(no subject)
I have some kind of internal mechanism that keeps me going regardless. If I let myself think about it, I stew, I get angry, and I vent. I hatch schemes of revenge.
But some part of me doesn't let that take over too much of the time, or least as much as I write about it here. I exercise, I read, I do the things I need to do to keep myself sane. I find things to enjoy in life, by and large. I try not to think about it, and mostly, I succeed. I don't know if that's just how I'm wired or if I have really good coping mechanisms.
And let me be clear, amidst all the complaining, that the situation we're in is enviable: we're making more money right now than we ever thought we would, we're utterly secure in our jobs, and the kids are doing better than ever. We "made it." Those of you who have been reading for a long time know how absolutely unlikely that outcome seemed 5 years ago.
And yet... E is working day and night every single day practically nonstop. I feel enraged and humiliated. Neither of us can do the creative and imaginative things that we dreamed of doing. A good day is one when nothing horrible happens and we can watch some TV together at the end of the night.
This kind of life is not what we had in mind.
I keep wondering. How did it come to this? And does it really have to be this way? The answers are very much evident, but it's a kind of Rubik's cube that you can't resist playing with all the time.
But some part of me doesn't let that take over too much of the time, or least as much as I write about it here. I exercise, I read, I do the things I need to do to keep myself sane. I find things to enjoy in life, by and large. I try not to think about it, and mostly, I succeed. I don't know if that's just how I'm wired or if I have really good coping mechanisms.
And let me be clear, amidst all the complaining, that the situation we're in is enviable: we're making more money right now than we ever thought we would, we're utterly secure in our jobs, and the kids are doing better than ever. We "made it." Those of you who have been reading for a long time know how absolutely unlikely that outcome seemed 5 years ago.
And yet... E is working day and night every single day practically nonstop. I feel enraged and humiliated. Neither of us can do the creative and imaginative things that we dreamed of doing. A good day is one when nothing horrible happens and we can watch some TV together at the end of the night.
This kind of life is not what we had in mind.
I keep wondering. How did it come to this? And does it really have to be this way? The answers are very much evident, but it's a kind of Rubik's cube that you can't resist playing with all the time.