cutting
its not an excuse. i'm still trying to find the words for the reason. most of it comes from not knowing and not knowing how to deal with all this shit inside. agression, anger, frustration, hatred, loneliness, longing -i can't ignore these things. i don't want to ignore these things, and yet here they are presented to me in the world around me. empathy is shit if you're unable to do anything with it -it just takes your down and makes you more frustrated. no -it goes much more further than frustration. it's like you're being hit with all these emotions at once, and not your yours. you feel guilty that you worry about yourself, you feel guilty about worrying about the trivial shit. you will NEVER feel the pain, and so you empathize with it in the only way you know how. it's not about other people, its about DEALING with things you can't get your brain to understand. self-mutilation is the only way. the only way to let it out. to take down your walls. to escape your vanity. the things which separate you from those who you can't help or sympathize with. you hate yourself. you hate the unfairness of life. its this expectation of fairness which counter mines what we actually experience.
i don't care if you way it doesn't help. because it helps me. it has nothing to do with anyone else. i'm not doing it for anyone's comfort but my own.
and why does anyone care? i don't believe that you do. i appreciate it, but i don't think you understand.