Fwahhhh
I have my period, so forgive me. :(
Schools coming up, now i'm in this "oh noes, i gotta do major work time now". All the clubs, all the classes, all the commuinty service and side projects. I realized i can't really juggle that in with friends as much. :(
Or at least making some. Tonight when everyone start leaving the board, i really felt sad. Truly i did. I've been so busy doing stuff i've missed out. I know i'm distant from so many people and i just feel like crap. Nate and Foxy-chan got to know each other more and now are best buds. Hiune has her boyfriend to keep her company while i'm stranded with no one to look forward to online anymore.
Except for my IRL friends. I like to see Kristine's screen name pop up. Seeing familiar faces makes me wonder how they're doing and if they want to hang out.
Lately, i've been wanting to do that. I guess it's a fact from this point on that eventually you know you're not going to have much time to actually have fun will people. Just business. I hope my school year doesn't suck. I really am looking forward to my senior year. I really do hope it will be fun and exciting with all new experiences, good or bad. But for it to be dull and redundant, i don't know how much i could take.
I guess i feel as i'm loosing my online social life, which kinda brings me down. It's always been there, but now there's no one. I should get a new screen name, along with a new year.
I think what i'm trying to say now is, i hate being alone. I hate the feeling of being stranded, deserted, not wanted. If you know me personally, you'll know why. I don't want that stupid event to happen in my life again.
I don't want to have to make people look up at me because i'm just running a website. I want to be respected for being me. Not because of rank. I wish i never made relax sometimes. It really makes me sad too. No matter how many people go on the board or comment how great it is, it doesn't make me feel truly happy.
What makes me happy is if that person who liked my board, wanted to get to know me or something. Not to suck up, but just to chat. It seems like sometimes webmasters have so many friends. But i'm not that way. At least that's how i feel.
What i consider a friend is more than asking every single time "How was your day?". A friend would at least ask more profound questions about you or what your doing. Even from topics which seem just so random or silly, i appreciate that they feel comfortable with me. That's what makes me feel better about myself.
Now that school is beginning for a lot of kids, i'm not sure if any of what i want is possible to get. I want a good group of friends, someone to have a nice chat with, a person i can hug without feeling awkward. Just some sort of contact. Physically or emotionally, just... an enjoyable person.
;0; Kristineeeeee, we need to hang out ASAP. I want us to just gossip and stuff and blab about whatever we're thinking at that moment. I need to release some stress.
Lol of course, not that my sisters aren't enough. I love them both more than anyone. >3< <3
A hoping for a boyfriend at this point is almost close to impossible. I think i'm truly aiming for a career woman. I won't expect it anymore, i'll accept it when that time comes. Whenever it may be. I still haven't given up on my "Solo", but he'll come when he needs to.
And for gods sake, i need some more appreciation. That's all i ask for. I feel like i'm going to work hard and not get any "thank yous". Actually that's what i also feel now. It makes me upset and depressed easily. I just have to know that people appreciate what i do...
Eh, i'll feel sad, but it'll benefit me in the end right? >:(! I must think about myself. I must not get all mopy just because people didn't say "thank you" or whatever to me. It's for me! >3
Schools coming up, now i'm in this "oh noes, i gotta do major work time now". All the clubs, all the classes, all the commuinty service and side projects. I realized i can't really juggle that in with friends as much. :(
Or at least making some. Tonight when everyone start leaving the board, i really felt sad. Truly i did. I've been so busy doing stuff i've missed out. I know i'm distant from so many people and i just feel like crap. Nate and Foxy-chan got to know each other more and now are best buds. Hiune has her boyfriend to keep her company while i'm stranded with no one to look forward to online anymore.
Except for my IRL friends. I like to see Kristine's screen name pop up. Seeing familiar faces makes me wonder how they're doing and if they want to hang out.
Lately, i've been wanting to do that. I guess it's a fact from this point on that eventually you know you're not going to have much time to actually have fun will people. Just business. I hope my school year doesn't suck. I really am looking forward to my senior year. I really do hope it will be fun and exciting with all new experiences, good or bad. But for it to be dull and redundant, i don't know how much i could take.
I guess i feel as i'm loosing my online social life, which kinda brings me down. It's always been there, but now there's no one. I should get a new screen name, along with a new year.
I think what i'm trying to say now is, i hate being alone. I hate the feeling of being stranded, deserted, not wanted. If you know me personally, you'll know why. I don't want that stupid event to happen in my life again.
I don't want to have to make people look up at me because i'm just running a website. I want to be respected for being me. Not because of rank. I wish i never made relax sometimes. It really makes me sad too. No matter how many people go on the board or comment how great it is, it doesn't make me feel truly happy.
What makes me happy is if that person who liked my board, wanted to get to know me or something. Not to suck up, but just to chat. It seems like sometimes webmasters have so many friends. But i'm not that way. At least that's how i feel.
What i consider a friend is more than asking every single time "How was your day?". A friend would at least ask more profound questions about you or what your doing. Even from topics which seem just so random or silly, i appreciate that they feel comfortable with me. That's what makes me feel better about myself.
Now that school is beginning for a lot of kids, i'm not sure if any of what i want is possible to get. I want a good group of friends, someone to have a nice chat with, a person i can hug without feeling awkward. Just some sort of contact. Physically or emotionally, just... an enjoyable person.
;0; Kristineeeeee, we need to hang out ASAP. I want us to just gossip and stuff and blab about whatever we're thinking at that moment. I need to release some stress.
Lol of course, not that my sisters aren't enough. I love them both more than anyone. >3< <3
A hoping for a boyfriend at this point is almost close to impossible. I think i'm truly aiming for a career woman. I won't expect it anymore, i'll accept it when that time comes. Whenever it may be. I still haven't given up on my "Solo", but he'll come when he needs to.
And for gods sake, i need some more appreciation. That's all i ask for. I feel like i'm going to work hard and not get any "thank yous". Actually that's what i also feel now. It makes me upset and depressed easily. I just have to know that people appreciate what i do...
Eh, i'll feel sad, but it'll benefit me in the end right? >:(! I must think about myself. I must not get all mopy just because people didn't say "thank you" or whatever to me. It's for me! >3