First of all, I'd rather not go through an emotional swamp here on lj. Our mutual friends don't need to be dragged in and made to worry themselves out about us. This is something we actually should TALK about, on the phone at least. You're right, I'm not home enough, not even right now. But I will call you as soon as I get home. Promise.
Now, on to a few more things. I had internet for the first time in a while on Sunday very early in the morning before I flew back to Germany and then again for a quick entry when I got home. I used that time to write to ALL of my friends, who also didn't get emails or phone calls or so from me in a long time, to tell them how I was, to reach out to them. For me, you still belong to those friends. So, I was writing to you, just as I was writing to Kyra, Janna, Maru or all of the other wonderful people I know. There is no reason for you to fear that I held better contact with everyone else, I phoned quite a bit more with you than with Janna over the last half year (in case that's any comfort).
Then, how could there be any throwing aside? I have never willingly chosen, on a free weekend, to go to a wonderful musical performance with all of my fantastic Frankfurt friends instead of visiting you. Why? Because I haven't had a free weekend! Between work and uni and reports and exams and internships and favors and projects, I have not even been in Beilstein since before the winter semester started. That was in late September 2007. Why don't you believe me when I say "I really really want to come see you! I want to see your appartment and your kitty cat and your girlfriend and your personal home sweet home!"? Do you honestly think I would lie to you?
Yes, I do have an entire new life here that is busy and frustrating and challenging and fun, and you're not a part of it. But don't you have the exact same thing somewhere else? But, silly me, I didn't think all that mattered. I thought we were the kind of friends that could never get rid of each other again, for better or worse, no matter what happened. No matter if we talked less or more, had fights, drama, went through shitty downs and teetering ups... in short that we were stuck with each other, for life (at least).
Correct me if I'm wrong.
P.S. Sorry. I did exactly the thing I didn't want to do and let it all out here on lj. *grrrr* P.P.S. How late are you awake? Have work again today.
You know, sometimes you have to punch into something to get punched back to your senses again. I can't explain the way I feel but I do. Maybe you can understand better when I actually tell you what my life is like right now.
It might sound stupid but I wrote all that crap because I don't want to lose you. I'll tell you more on the phone.
I'll be home around 11pm today. And I'll be awake until I put the phone back into the stand.
First of all, I'd rather not go through an emotional swamp here on lj. Our mutual friends don't need to be dragged in and made to worry themselves out about us. This is something we actually should TALK about, on the phone at least. You're right, I'm not home enough, not even right now. But I will call you as soon as I get home. Promise.
Now, on to a few more things. I had internet for the first time in a while on Sunday very early in the morning before I flew back to Germany and then again for a quick entry when I got home. I used that time to write to ALL of my friends, who also didn't get emails or phone calls or so from me in a long time, to tell them how I was, to reach out to them. For me, you still belong to those friends. So, I was writing to you, just as I was writing to Kyra, Janna, Maru or all of the other wonderful people I know. There is no reason for you to fear that I held better contact with everyone else, I phoned quite a bit more with you than with Janna over the last half year (in case that's any comfort).
Then, how could there be any throwing aside? I have never willingly chosen, on a free weekend, to go to a wonderful musical performance with all of my fantastic Frankfurt friends instead of visiting you. Why? Because I haven't had a free weekend! Between work and uni and reports and exams and internships and favors and projects, I have not even been in Beilstein since before the winter semester started. That was in late September 2007. Why don't you believe me when I say "I really really want to come see you! I want to see your appartment and your kitty cat and your girlfriend and your personal home sweet home!"?
Do you honestly think I would lie to you?
Yes, I do have an entire new life here that is busy and frustrating and challenging and fun, and you're not a part of it. But don't you have the exact same thing somewhere else?
But, silly me, I didn't think all that mattered. I thought we were the kind of friends that could never get rid of each other again, for better or worse, no matter what happened. No matter if we talked less or more, had fights, drama, went through shitty downs and teetering ups... in short that we were stuck with each other, for life (at least).
Correct me if I'm wrong.
P.S. Sorry. I did exactly the thing I didn't want to do and let it all out here on lj. *grrrr*
P.P.S. How late are you awake? Have work again today.
Reply
It might sound stupid but I wrote all that crap because I don't want to lose you. I'll tell you more on the phone.
I'll be home around 11pm today. And I'll be awake until I put the phone back into the stand.
Reply
Leave a comment